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We enjoy our time doing things together and also our own hobbies. We never tire of having conversations about everything and anything and always take an interest in each other's opinions.
For several months we travel together in an RV and have yet to get on each other's bad side. So all, in all, I would say, we get along better as we have more time together and appreciate that "everyday is a gift."
For various reasons, including job and house selling, I moved into our retirement home by myself and lived that way for over 2.5 years, only seeing DH a week at a time 4-5 times a year (me in SC, him in PA). Well he moved in permanently last July and I'm ready to scream! He stays here 2 weeks a month and goes back to PA 2 weeks a month for his job and even those 2 weeks every month are trying. All relatively minor things, but they all add up. Took over my place where we eat, took over the remote control, took over the decisions as to where to go out to eat, has to eat at certain times with certain foods and not all healthy (I'm trying to lose weight, so I only ate when I was hungry and then things that were good for me). Always has to know where I am and what I'm doing. Took over MY car (his driving also gets on my nerves as I feel he is too aggressive), took over the golf cart. Tells me how I should be doing things, even things that he doesn't do. And on top of it all, the little things I ask him to do he "conveniently" forgets like close doors, push in your chair, put dirty clothes in hamper, etc.. Of course as luck would have it, I lost my job the week after he arrived or it probably wouldn't be so bad, at least not 24/7. Guess he got used to HIS ways when alone and now expects me to conform instead of us compromising.
Although I do have to admit that at least I am getting more things done around the house that I can't do myself when he isn't here, but apparently they aren't enough to keep him totally busy and out of my hair.
My situation is probably an outlier. I remarried 4 months prior to retirement at age 56 in late 2006 after 10 years as a bachelor Dad, having kept full custody of my daughters after a divorce in 1997. I got them properly launched (college, cars, apartment furniture, etc., etc.) by 2005 and was essentially free of tribal obligations and expenses thereafter. (My empathy goes out to those unfortunate souls who may be currently dealing with college costs - its become OBSCENE!)
My new wife (a widow from a very happy marriage) and I had very frank and extensive discussions prior to marrying about what we both wanted and required in retirement mode. We early on established some fairly clear parameters regarding lifestyle, money, general living expectations and what our individual and mutual expectations were that would punch our "happy buttons" from then on until the big jump. Neither of us had any interest in marrying unless it was "for keeps" and would enhance our enjoyment of life.
Because of the conditions of my pension and health insurance structure (retired Fed), marriage was desirable (in lieu of simply living together as she was a small business owner and had no company funded pension/health insurance retirement provisions) so that I could provide her income support and access to health insurance upon my predictable earlier demise (I'm 62, she is 4 years older). We are fortunate in that we can afford most of the grunt work of daily living being pleasantly done by others (lawn/maid/whatever services). It makes for a very unstressed lifestyle, which was/is our primary objective.
Its now 2012, we're in our 6th year of retirement and I can absolutely affirm that marrying this lady as my companion in retirement has been one of the best decisions of my life. We travel internationally several times a year, sometimes solo (saves on house/dog sitter costs) as we have different interests but frequently go together on the big trips.
Without question, I've found life much more enjoyable as a married retiree, particularly since my DW has the propensity to engender laughter as a function of breathing. I'm a very lucky guy and am grateful to all the gods of the universe for their favor.
My long answer to the OP's short question is - nope, life is infinitely more enjoyable with my spouse in retirement.
Last edited by Pilgrim21784; 05-20-2012 at 08:57 AM..
It's interesting, isn't it?
One of my criteria for marrying someone (and actually for even a serious relationship) was always "I have to be able to stand to be around you all the time." This limited my relationships, but my last 2 were very much like that (including my current marriage).
There are couples (like my dentist and his wife) who work together AND (obviously) live together. I guess they don't get sick of each other.
Every couple is different.
Well yeah, we couldn't get enough of each other when we were first married at 28. Neither of us is the same person at our current age, nor will we be in our 60's etc. I think he went through male menopause in his 40's and we were separated for a very short while (until I needed a booty call, no problems there). Some time at his mothers and living alone in one of the rentals made a new man out of him. I'm just afraid that spoiled, selfish, curmudgeon stranger husband will be back again. How do you predict if someone will change? I was still in love with my knight in shining armor and living with a stranger. We found our way back because of the deep love we've always had for one another, but if the evil twin comes back, I may wind up on the evening news!!!!!
For various reasons, including job and house selling, I moved into our retirement home by myself and lived that way for over 2.5 years, only seeing DH a week at a time 4-5 times a year (me in SC, him in PA). Well he moved in permanently last July and I'm ready to scream! He stays here 2 weeks a month and goes back to PA 2 weeks a month for his job and even those 2 weeks every month are trying. All relatively minor things, but they all add up. Took over my place where we eat, took over the remote control, took over the decisions as to where to go out to eat, has to eat at certain times with certain foods and not all healthy (I'm trying to lose weight, so I only ate when I was hungry and then things that were good for me). Always has to know where I am and what I'm doing. Took over MY car (his driving also gets on my nerves as I feel he is too aggressive), took over the golf cart. Tells me how I should be doing things, even things that he doesn't do. And on top of it all, the little things I ask him to do he "conveniently" forgets like close doors, push in your chair, put dirty clothes in hamper, etc.. Of course as luck would have it, I lost my job the week after he arrived or it probably wouldn't be so bad, at least not 24/7. Guess he got used to HIS ways when alone and now expects me to conform instead of us compromising.
Although I do have to admit that at least I am getting more things done around the house that I can't do myself when he isn't here, but apparently they aren't enough to keep him totally busy and out of my hair.
I hear ya. I've been trying to housebreak mine for 27 yrs. now. He's only slightly better so I've given up and just do it myself or pile everything on his computer desk. DH broke his wrist and will be off work for a month now. He is at my mercy and my evil plan has been hatched. Wahahahaha with ringing hands. He's unfortunately totally helpless as he has a cast on one hand and a splint with possible cast coming on the other hand. I have to do everything for him but I draw the line at wiping butts!!!!. He will owe me big time as I just did all this when he had his hernia repair in October. I'll think of something good
Fortunately I was housebroken, tamed and socialized before my wife and I married. Just before I retired she fell and crushed her shoulder. A shoulder replacement didn't help a lot and can't be corrected due to the extensive damage she did. As she was left with almost no range of motion in her arm and little use of her hand, that left almost everything up to me to include driving, taking care of the home, you name it. Consequently we were thrown together 24/7. It's been almost five years. If nothing else it was a good test of our relationship and we appear to have passed.
Thankfully she's recently regained a fair amount of function and is about to try her hand (literally) at driving again. Regardless, we choose to do most everything together and in the home we give one another time and space which suits both of us. Having met through work over 20 years ago we spent many years enhancing one another professionally. It was not a great stretch to do so personally as well.
I live in an area with many retirees, and I have been surprised at the number whose marriages went pear-shaped upon retirement. A number of them still live in the same town and see each other socially, and a couple now live together again, but have not remarried.
It looks to me that some of these people are trying to "catch up," looking for a sense of personal fulfillment that was denied while raising a family, and which now may have a chance of being explored.
The longtime, strenuous situation with my mother and another close relative kicked my marriage over the edge. The stress was too much. Now that they are gone or resolved, we are getting along just fine (more or less, but much more). We got married at 19 and 20 so it's nice to know each other out of the context of all the previous pressures. He's a fantastic cook, and I no longer like preparing meals that much (other than the basics). And we both love music and art and gardening, and have a gajillion year history together so we can still argue once in a while and be okay. He reminds me of some of the male posters here, lol—kind of stubborn and stuck in his ways (and don't mess with him when he's concentrating on something, and don't throw too much at him at one time [not dishes]). We may get remarried when we hit 70, just for old time's sake. (:
Us too, we were married at 19 and 21, a week after my husband returned from Viet Nam. We have always been best friends. Yes there were hard times but how wonderful to have someone to share your life and memories with. We both have learned to let the little things go, to have some seperate interests as well. To laugh at ourselves and each other. Having a history together is the cement to our foundation.
One of my patients is an end stage ALS victim and his wife is learning the basics of my job so she can take him home on a ventilator. I see the love there between them and I admire her courage. Her husband will be leaving her in a few months. I wonder if it isn't a mistake to make someone the center of your universe?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy
One of my patients is an end stage ALS victim and his wife is learning the basics of my job so she can take him home on a ventilator. I see the love there between them and I admire her courage. Her husband will be leaving her in a few months. I wonder if it isn't a mistake to make someone the center of your universe?
I was thinking about this thread, and the joy I have seen / experienced in the many elderly couples I have helped through their final yrs together. I have seen many 'cross / angry' couples, BUT not the ones I have cared for. They have nothing but sincere love for each other AND for their kids (Who I don't love so much, since I'm the one caring for their parents (as a volunteer).
The couples are darlings to each other, and tease even to the end. I find it an honor to experience this, tho it is tough to see them go through the pain of losing one another. They are all older (age 85 plus), so when the first spouse goes, the remaining spouse often follows shortly (or long (longingly)) in worse case.
Sitting and playing Yahtzee EVERY night or reciting poems from their grade school days, it is all good. Many were immigrants who saw some pretty tough times early in their marriage. ALL spent WWII apart, but constantly in communication (tho not via skype)
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He's only slightly better so I've given up and just do it myself or pile everything on his computer desk. 
DH broke his wrist and will be off work for a month now. He is at my mercy and my evil plan has been hatched. Wahahahaha with ringing hands. He's unfortunately totally helpless as he has a cast on one hand and a splint with possible cast coming on the other hand. I have to do everything for him but I draw the line at wiping butts!!!!. He will owe me big time as I just did all this when he had his hernia repair in October. I'll think of something good 
