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but we're considering a rural area, and a lot of rural areas don't have much going on. The area we are considering now is also not an area with lots of retirees, like Florida.
Don't forget Newcomers Groups. If where you chose is a retirement area, there should be newcomers groups that consist of older people, not your 40's middle managers' wives. Also, if there are Republican or Democratic clubs, that's a possiblity. What about book clubs at the library or elsewhere? I think the MAIN thing is to move where there are a lot of other retirees, not a younger persons area (as we did). You can check the demographics on-line. The City-Data has a great site with plenty of demo info. (City-data.com)
A nice church could be very helpful. I worked for a time in a Lutheran church and found the middle-aged and older members to be lovely and friendly. Again, the trick is to find a congregation with people your age group as members. It's hard to find a church that doesn't have a contemporary service at the 11:00 a.m. hour. Most of the more traditional services are at 8:00 a.m. (early does not work for me!).
Well - since you say you're a pastor - I can pretty much assume you're not Jewish or Catholic or Muslim or Buddhist - etc. - etc. And that you are a person of faith. What faith is that (most likely some flavor of Protestant)? Reckon you will have better luck integrating into a community/making friends where there are a lot of people who are people of faith - and people who share your particular faith. I happen to be Jewish - but my husband isn't. And members of his family have changed church affiliations to "fit in" and make friends when they move (like going from Episcopal in the north to Baptist in the south - even going from Catholic to Baptist). Being Jewish - I really can't relate to changing religion just to have friends/a social life. And I suspect it would be the same for a pastor.
So - if you give us your denomination - perhaps we'll be able to come up with some ideas (in terms of geography - who lives where). Robyn
Don't forget Newcomers Groups. If where you chose is a retirement area, there should be newcomers groups that consist of older people, not your 40's middle managers' wives. Also, if there are Republican or Democratic clubs, that's a possiblity. What about book clubs at the library or elsewhere? I think the MAIN thing is to move where there are a lot of other retirees, not a younger persons area (as we did). You can check the demographics on-line. The City-Data has a great site with plenty of demo info. (City-data.com)
I second this. When we moved to Tallahassee 15 years ago, one of my new neighbors invited me to come to a Newcomers Club get-together. It would never have occurred to me to look for such a thing. I'm very glad I found the Club -- they have all kinds of activities going on, everyone is new in town (by definition!), and I've made some wonderful friends through the Club. Look for a Newcomers Club, or Welcome Wagon Club, in your new location. And it's not only in retirement areas. Lots of places have them.
My title pretty much says it. One of my biggest concerns when we retire, is that we end up moving, but the people in the area are not friendly, and we end up with no friends and feeling isolated.
We've never had a problem with this because, as a pastor, I've normally had people in the congregation that were friendly and we had a social life with them. This has been a blessing for us, because our experience is that most people, when you move to a new location make friends either with the childrens parents, or maybe through church. But we've been members of churches where people were not friendly. Our kids are grown, and I will no longer be "the pastor" once I retire. People living in subdivisions tend not to be friendly, and people in small towns tend NOT to be friendly. Oftentimes, they have friends. They've had the same friends for decades. They're not interested in new friends.
So anyhow, I'd be interested in comments from anyone who moved in retirement. How was it making friends?
Prarie, Our situations are very similar. I've also been a pastor and after retiring from my day job four-years ago, we decided to move from our home of 26-years to be closer to our grown kids and the grandkids. We, likewise, left behind church and community friends of many years along with several ongoing ministries. Further, we moved into a large Condo, with a limited number of full-time residents.
Getting reconnected with folks in a new church and community has been a little more difficult than anticipated. After a certain age, the dynamics of finding a new group of folks who are open to newcomers -- and re-establishing one's self in a new social setting ... takes a lot of effort. Another thing I'm also missing is readily available ministry preaching/ teaching opportunities. As you know, it sometimes takes years to establish a solid ministry reputation, where people seek you out.
Our reasons for moving were solid and we don't regret that part, but, I think you are wise to think-out the issue of establishing a new circle of friends. It can be done and there are a lot of opportunities, but, it isn't as easy as some suggest.
Right now we're considering eastern Oklahoma or NW Arkansas. We have aversions to high taxes, high crime areas, and cold weather. We like trees, rivers and lakes. We have children in Iowa, an autistic son, a wife with serious allergy problem. Florida's out, not enough medical for all the present and growing population of baby boomers. Texas is pretty bad with allergies, as is Tenn. OK and Ark. both have affordable land and housing, low taxes, and enough medical care, so that's where we're looking now.
BTW, some of you wondered what denomination I am, and I am a pastor in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. What a lot of people don't understand is that for the most part, even Christians don't want to be friends with pastors. My guess is that they don't feel they can be themselves, that they have to put on their church face, they can't be real, and so there's a kind of wall in most cases. My guess is that the same will be true as a retired pastor. Most of the time, when we travel, I don't tell people what I do unless they ask, and even then I might just say, "I'm self employed". It depends on the people and the situation. I don't blame a lot of people for that. Lots of pastors can be a bore and a real pain in the a**. One of my profs. at the seminary discribed it this way. "You get too many pastors in a room, it starts to smell." I heard a joke one time from a Baptist preacher. "In what way is a Baptist preacher like a spermatazoa? Answer: They both have a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of becoming a human being."
Occupation---how about a shepherd-to the two-legged kind or servant-your Boss is a Jewish Carpenter? Humor
sometimes, helps breaks the ice.
For myself, when I get nervous, I tend to tell jokes, say something silly. In my ministry to the bereaved, I was to gather/take food to those in mourning. Unintentionally, I would open mouth insert foot and all of us would be laughing!
Did think God did have a sense of humor when I was asked to do this ministry.
Noticed you enjoy motorcycles, are you aware of a Christian group of motorcycle riders who give tent meetings for
the Lord?
You reminded me of the verse "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34 NKJV
4 February, 2012 my dear husband departed to Heaven. Reaching out to others comforts me. Praying for you.
I'm not a churchgoer, so I can't comment on that. But we recently started wintering in Florida, on the Gulf coast, and have already made a number of acquaintances and several good friends, and that's just after one winter.
Hi Prairie: I, too, am Lutheran, Missouri Synod and sorta understand why you would not want to tell people what you do. The pastors in my previous churches (I don't attend anymore) were put on a pedestal, revered, and not really one of the "commoners" so to speak. So, I would suggest you find a new occupation (meaning hobby) like writing, and tell people you are a "writer". I agree, hiding your previous occupation until friends get to know you better would help.
BTW: I have a friend in Bella Vista, Arkansas. Tons of homes for sale and tons of activities there and groups to join. Have you considered it? Alot of seniors, but other ages also.
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