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It's true that old men all over parts of (mostly) southern Europe spend much of the warm, sunny days sitting in town squares, at cafes by the water, in parks. Sometimes they play chess, or bocce, or checkers. And I'm sure they watch girls when they can. Mostly the women don't do this, they're off somewhere else.
So why not translate that to a mall? But we're talking fairly elderly people. Hobbies and physical exercise is all very well for as long as you can, but I'm thinking that at a certain point, sitting and people-watching would not be such a bad activity.
When I read the OP's first post, I assumed he was just being philosophical . . . delivering a vignette of what he sees at the mall: retired people sitting around the food court.
I thought it was abstract and I didn't even consider that he was writing about himself - he was simply using it as a structure for examining the level of satisfaction retired people have about their activities and involvement with others since retiring.
I was surprised with the responses - and then realized that others were reading this as a genuine "whine" about OP's life circumstances.
When I was growing up, the retired elders in our community gathered at the little "country store" located at the crossroads of our small community. They would come in the mornings and sit around the pot belly stove (which was later replaced, but the benches and tables remained). THere was always a checkers game going . . . and more "tall tales" than one could dream up in a lifetime. The store sold sandwiches at lunch, and they old men had their regular favorites, from bologna, cheese and mayo on white bread to grilled cheese. The talk would range from politics to downright gossip. Sometimes, the various members of the group would head out to the local fishing hole. At other times, they would be tinkering with some piece of machinery (a clock, perhaps) . . . or they would sharing the Farmer's Almanac and making up "seed lists" for Spring. It was like a community center in a tiny community that had no such facility. Sometimes, they would decide to go hunting, so that was the talk for days -- preparing for the big outing and then -- the tall tales that we could count on when they came back with the big catch (or the impossible to believe stories about the one that got away).
I listened to WWII history from a soldiers point of view . . . and I realized at a young age what a bond they shared with one another. I also was fully aware that the women were happy to have them out of the house all day -- and the men were happy to have some place to go, lol. Our small community referred to them as the Council in Residence . . . they considered themselves our tribal Elders and we treated them with jovial respect.
Sitting around with one's peers is not such a bad thing -- if there is a sense of community and a bond of support and respect for one another. Not everyone needs to be busy busy busy doing "worthwhile" projects. Not everyone is interested in volunteering, or mentoring, or having a hobby. I've had people tell me they had already put their time in "doing for others" and now it was time to just kick back and enjoy life.
I would not presume that anyone was wasting his/her life simply b/c they are sitting at the mall. Maybe they don't have a/c at home. I would suspect that folks would have reacted differently if the scenario had been set in a library as opposed to a mall . . . which just goes to show how we make assumptions about people. After all, a person can be quite disengaged while in a library, yet we assign a higher value to "wasting one's time" surrounded by books rather than vegetating at the food court surrounded by retail establishments.
For the most part, the activities people pursue during a lifetime have very little to do with actual value and a whole lot to do with feeling valued. It can be disconcerting when we realize that all the busy-ness is a shield against coming to terms with our own mortality and accepting that no matter how successful we are, how busy we have been, how "big" our mission . . . few people's lives truly affect more than a handful of people.
Fifty years after we are dead, the people sitting around in the mall and those volunteering and "being active" with hobbies and travel will both be equally forgotten <grin> so just enjoy your life the way you see fit and don't spend much time fretting over how someone else may be spending his/hers.
Such a good post anifan. We have a McDonald's in our little town...and in the morning about 7 or 8 older men meet, have coffee and solve the problems of the world....and they laugh and have fun...then they are off to do whatever they do for the rest of the day. The best thing about retirement is that we get to do whatever we want....I love that aspect of retirement - we get to choose.
Fifty years after we are dead, the people sitting around in the mall and those volunteering and "being active" with hobbies and travel will both be equally forgotten <grin> so just enjoy your life the way you see fit and don't spend much time fretting over how someone else may be spending his/hers.
Hear hear! Why spend any time fretting over how someone else enjoys whiling away their hours?
Now that I am old and retired I never thought it would be this way. I pictured we would have a more active retirement with tons of things to do and great times with friends. It has not worked out as planned for me or the many people I see at the large Regional Shopping Mall near my home.
Just to get out of the house many of us arrive at the mall when it opens at 10 AM and go to the same area and sit there for hours watching people.
Back when I was younger I used to envy the older folks who had a completely open schedule and could do anything they wanted all day when I had to go off to work. Now I look at the business men and women all dressed up so nice, laughing and enjoying themselves and their friends and coworkers, on their way to a business lunch at one of the many eating establishments that cater to the business people from the many office buildings near by. They have such a sense of purpose. Our gang (the retired folks) who spends their day sitting around near the Food Court waiting for something to happen- does not. Yes, we should be doing something more important, but we are not. We are just sitting in the mall killing time. Fellow retirees can you relate?
Isn't there some volunteer work you could do? Many charities could benefit from your available hours.
Could you walk dogs or clean cages for a local animal shelter? Good exercise for you and great help for the animals and the shelter.
where I live people form walking clubs at the mall. Then they sit in the food
court, get coffee and socialize. i have seen people there I haven't seen in years!. Just watch out for the power walkers they'll knock you over.
Now, for the sake of argument, let us assume that the final finding is MS. That being the case, there will likely be periods of time in the future when I find myself wheelchair-bound. Under those circumstances, a daily or, perhaps, somewhat less often foray to a local mall to take in the sights, sounds and smells and to people watch in company with others my age, or older, with whom to discuss whatever may float our boats at the moment sounds much more preferable than sitting around the house somewhat immobilized. Unfortunately, being quite rural, the closest mall to us is some 60 miles distant. It's lack of easy accessibility makes the whole idea even more compelling.
My point is this, sitting around, sipping coffee or espresso with others of a certain age is a time-honored, advanced years tradition in much of Europe. Perhaps unfortunately, that seems to have become a lost pastime for the elderly in this country. I'm sure many would welcome a resurgence. I can certainly think of worse things.
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 01-18-2013 at 09:18 AM..
Fifty years after we are dead, the people sitting around in the mall and those volunteering and "being active" with hobbies and travel will both be equally forgotten <grin> so just enjoy your life the way you see fit and don't spend much time fretting over how someone else may be spending his/hers.
Terrific post! Can't rep you because I have to "spread it around".
Now that I am old and retired I never thought it would be this way. I pictured we would have a more active retirement with tons of things to do and great times with friends. It has not worked out as planned for me or the many people I see at the large Regional Shopping Mall near my home.
Just to get out of the house many of us arrive at the mall when it opens at 10 AM and go to the same area and sit there for hours watching people.
Back when I was younger I used to envy the older folks who had a completely open schedule and could do anything they wanted all day when I had to go off to work. Now I look at the business men and women all dressed up so nice, laughing and enjoying themselves and their friends and coworkers, on their way to a business lunch at one of the many eating establishments that cater to the business people from the many office buildings near by. They have such a sense of purpose. Our gang (the retired folks) who spends their day sitting around near the Food Court waiting for something to happen- does not. Yes, we should be doing something more important, but we are not. We are just sitting in the mall killing time. Fellow retirees can you relate?
Why aren't you doing something else? You spend too much time thinking and not doing.
I haven't been to a mall in probably 7 or more years.
I take classes, belong to a book discussion group, two camera clubs and have a photography hobby which as soon as I finish posting this and my battery is charged, I'm going outside to do. It's the first day in a week that it hasn't rained.
You could always walk over to someone else sitting on a bench and do something together.
Why aren't you doing something else? Perhaps he doesn't wish to or can't. His choice! You spend too much time thinking and not doing. Judgment call!
I haven't been to a mall in probably 7 or more years. Good for you.
I take classes, belong to a book discussion group, two camera clubs and have a photography hobby which as soon as I finish posting this and my battery is charged, I'm going outside to do. It's the first day in a week that it hasn't rained. Good for you. And? That's you, not him.
You could always walk over to someone else sitting on a bench and do something together. Or not!
Last time I checked we all live our own lives.
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