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Believe me, when your parents are dead, you will wish you had visited them more often. All these excuses, the woman just wants to see her kids/grandkids...why shouldn't her daughter make the effort and maybe she could offer to pay for her mother's plane ticket to visit them in the summer (when its hotter than you know what in AZ). If you really love people, you would make the effort to see them, and not come up with all these ridiculous excuses. Grow up and think about making somebody else happy for a week out of your lives. Your parents raised you, probably sent you to college, and now they get kicked to the curb because they moved away?
Believe me, when your parents are dead, you will wish you had visited them more often. All these excuses, the woman just wants to see her kids/grandkids...why shouldn't her daughter make the effort and maybe she could offer to pay for her mother's plane ticket to visit them in the summer (when its hotter than you know what in AZ). If you really love people, you would make the effort to see them, and not come up with all these ridiculous excuses. Grow up and think about making somebody else happy for a week out of your lives. Your parents raised you, probably sent you to college, and now they get kicked to the curb because they moved away?
One could argue "If you really loved your children, you wouldn't move across the country from them", but that would be an equally vacuous argument. Just because the daughter hasn't made an effort to go to Arizona doesn't mean the relationship isn't loving. Obviously she loves her mother--they talk daily!
My guess is that the adult children have 2-3 weeks a year of vacation days, and spend at least half of that home with sick kids, attending school events, or other child-related days off. That leaves 1-2 weeks for a family vacation. Arizona (a multi-hour flight with layovers and a hot summer destination) is not my ideal choice. If this were me, I would make the trip once to appease my parents, but then that would be it. I have no ties and no interest in Arizona. If my mother really wanted to see the kids, she could fly out here.
[quote] My plan is to move from MA to TX. I know my daughter (only child) will not have the resources to visit. She has also stated she wont visit for personal reasons if we move to TX (any other state would be fine according to her). Still I think it is an idle threat. It won't matter because I will only make her come to TX once. That would be to pick up her inherritance.
What is you daughter's beef with TX? She should thank you because probate in TX is quick and seamless and there are no State Inheritance taxes....
Maybe it's just me...but when we retire the location of my children and their long range plans will come in to the equation for us.
Not that I plan to live next door, but it would always be my goal to live within a 3 hour driving distance at the most. I would hope not to let my grandchildren grow up without me being physically in their lives on a regular basis.
[quote=Escort Rider;28617040]Wise and realistic. The degree of closeness between you and your own mother and between you and your daughter will not necessarily be the same. People's personalities differ, and the tenor of the times does not remain the same as the years go by. QUOTE]
That is such a good point! Each generation's value systems and life experience are so different. That is definitely a consideration.
You are right re the "daily call", etc. I think that because my mom did use guilt to keep me a little too close, I encouraged my daughter to be the opposite - extremely independent. It may have backfired a bit - the trick is to find a happy medium without guilt trips.
My son or his fiancee have been texting me, posting on FB, sending a message via AIM chat or making a call to me (calls are pretty rare) nearly every day for 8 years. The text might be simply xoxoxo. It lets me know they are alive and well! And since I am often alone, they like knowing I am also okay. Some days it is something posted to Instagram; somedays a photo on my FB page. Sometimes it is a link to a song I might like. It is our way of saying "all is well."
So I don't think some sort of daily contact is odd at all--nor does it mean adult children are still tied to their parents. It just means "I know you are out there somewhere and I care that you exist. And I am okay; hope you are, too."
If they have a growing family then they may not be able to affords the air faire for all of them to fly to Arizona.Its something to think about whe moving that far away. Washington DC is a expensive area to live espeially whwn raising kids. The rich rerlatives may in fact be apyig the cost of travel which isn't near the same cost also.
My wife and I had planned to relocate south our entire life. We have two children in Boston. Our son was happy for us and visits 2-3 times a year. Our daughter feels we deserted her and the grandkids thus we have a strained relationship with her. I consider it her issue, not ours.
My wife and I moved from MN to AR a year ago.
We had always planned to move south when we retired from dairy farming.
We had planned on numerous trips back to MN throughout the year.
We had not planned on my wife's ALS progressing so fast to the point we can no longer travel.
In the past year---------one son has been down once from Michigan
-----------------------son on dairy farm has been down twice
-----------------------daighter in St Paul and family coming down in 3 weeks ( 4th visit)
----------------------daughter in Alexandria MN coming down in 3 weeks ( 4th visit)
They have little time off work so they drive all night long (900 miles) and are only able to spend 2 or 3 days
Both my wife and I deeply appreciate the sacrifices they make.
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Just because the daughter hasn't made an effort to go to Arizona doesn't mean the relationship isn't loving. Obviously she loves her mother--they talk daily!
