When do we stop changing? (55, husband, best, wife)

[jghorton]

We spend a large part of our lives trying to change or improve our future lives and circumstances. I've recently started thinking that as we get older, we come to the realization that we and our lives are probably not going to change much in the future ... We are who we are - and our circumstances are what we have made them. - I'm not talking about exposure to or learning new things, but, rather, significant life/personal changes. (I'm 66 and probably started thinking that way about 64).

At what age/point do you believe people reach that conclusion (or when did you reach it) -- or is that not how you see things?

[bUU]

I think wording it the way you have is too hazardous. It is too easy to confuse what you've said with what you say you aren't saying.

Here's a good example of the type of change people should remain open to: My late mother's youngest aunt (roughly 80) has recently become a vegetarian on recommendation of her nephew, a nationally-renowned nutritionist. Even the habits of eight decades can be changed and that change be a change for the better.

With regard specifically to life's circumstances specifically as dictated by finances, sure, at the time you stop working you should solidify your understanding of what roughly your standard of living will be for the rest of your life. However, that should still not dictate your level of happiness or contentment. That should still be changeable.

[Escort Rider]

In general I think older people become "set in their ways", but the age at which that occurs varies. Some people are set in their ways when they are pretty young - they just don't like change and don't deal with it well and never will. Others remain more flexible until death.

Sometimes external forces bring out change. I had just turned 66 when I was recruited to be a volunteer reading aloud to fifth grade classes. I hadn't sought that out, but it just came to me unbidden and it was a wonderful change. Of course I had to be open to giving it a try, and I'm very glad I was.

[plmokn]

Everyone is always changing. People probably change less as they get older because they have figured out the best way to do things. This is a good thing. It means you have become fine tuned.

For example, let's say (you are still working) and there are five different routes to work. You try all five on different days for a couple months. Eventually you settle on one way because it is the "best" (less traffic, safest, less gas, less stress, fastest, or whatever, etc).

[in_newengland]

I know I'm not set on reading self help, self improvement books like I did back in the 1970s but then I haven't done that in a long time anyway. I do notice that I have ways of doing things that are set in stone--I'm only realizing that now with a newish husband. It's just a good thing that our ways of doing things around the house are the same because that's the way I do it, it's worked for decades, and I'm not stopping now.

I do remember reaching a point, maybe around age 55 where I stopped reading magazine articles with "helpful" suggestions because I already knew them.

Around age 60 I got a toxic sister out of my life but it took me that long to do it. I think the OP is correct, that we get to a certain point and we are who we are. I mainly work on maintenance now--I'd like to stay who I am, no backsliding. I can't say that I'm thrilled at how I am but I don't think much is going to change in my personality.

Maybe you mean more than just personality changes--in that case, no. Things are always changing and things can always get better or worse. Quite a few of those things are things that we have control over so I don't think I'll be giving up for a long time.

[Dollydo]

IMO nothing in life remains constant, it either get better or worse. I am 66 and reinvent myself on a regular basis, keeps my life interesting and I look forward to each day!

[Curmudgeon]

Hopefully we don't stop changing for the better until after we draw our next to last breath. But as Escort Rider so correctly pointed out, you have to be open to it.

[Hemlock140]

Originally Posted by Curmudgeon

Hopefully we don't stop changing for the better until after we draw our next to last breath. But as Escort Rider so correctly pointed out, you have to be open to it.

I agree. I started a new, much better job at age 57, and am now enjoying a better lifestyle than ever before and with time to spend with grandchildren (only 1 so far) than when I ran a business. Will be able to work long enough to earn a modest retirement, and save a lot of money on medical with the large employer contribution. My wife and I are also eating healthier and getting more exercise as we realize that it becomes even more important as we age.

[TuborgP]

Hopefully I will never stop adapting and to me that is what personal change is all about.

[luvmyhoss]

I want to keep changing, too. I think it makes for a more interesting person;
one someone actually wants to listen to.