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One son who claims he will never have children. Frankly, I think he's right not to, since he's a musician and eeks out a living tending bar. His girlfriend is also a musician, so neither has any money. I doubt they could take care of a dog, let alone a child.
He's now 33. Miracles can happen, but I'm not holding my breath. I would cherish anybody who came along, but I don't want to be the one to do the parenting, if you know what I mean.
And yes, it's a little sad, but not much. I'm not really a big "kid" person. My husband loves babies.
I probably will never be a grandparent, but such is life. I participate in my great nieces and nephews lives.
My mother was a wonderful grandparent; all her gchildren loved her.
My grandmother was an old curmudgeon (no offense C) and was feared by all.
She ruled with an iron fist. One of my fondest memories is grandma washing out my brother's
mouth with lye soap for swearing. Only thing it was the wrong brother.
my husband and i chose not to have children for a variety of reasons, and never regretted our decision. even though my husband has been dead for 11 years, i still don't wish i had had children or grandchildren. i think if this is a couple's choice, you, even as young adults, lead a very different kind of life than couples who have kids, and become involved in other than "family" type activities. although we had friends who had children it was harder to sustain those relationships, as their focus was, correctly i believe, on their children. i had a number of single friends and we had couple friends, most of whom didn't have kids.
i've never been a "kid" person and have never felt a lack of children in my life, but i realize that is not the way everyone was socialized nor is it everyone's personality.
my husband and i chose not to have children for a variety of reasons, and never regretted our decision. even though my husband has been dead for 11 years, i still don't wish i had had children or grandchildren. i think if this is a couple's choice, you, even as young adults, lead a very different kind of life than couples who have kids, and become involved in other than "family" type activities. although we had friends who had children it was harder to sustain those relationships, as their focus was, correctly i believe, on their children. i had a number of single friends and we had couple friends, most of whom didn't have kids.
i've never been a "kid" person and have never felt a lack of children in my life, but i realize that is not the way everyone was socialized nor is it everyone's personality.
catsy girl
I also chose not to have children and have never regretted it. I knew I wasn't a "kid" person too and would not have been a good mother. I don't hate kids. I just never wanted any of my own. Different strokes for different folks. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
...I'd like to apologize, because I was one of the first to reply to Barb's OP, and I was very insensitive. (I was insensitive out of ignorance, not meanness.) I just didn't know that this problem caused such deep pain for some women. So I'm sorry, Barb.
Thank you for this, Fran. Just have to say that the feelings are not exclusively limited to women. Us men go through these feelings too. We're just a little bit better at hiding our emotions; that tough-guy, macho act we so often put on. But inside, we're all the same.
This thread is a statement of the times we live in. If one examines the fecundity of native born Americans, the US is hard on the heels of Europe and Japan in this regard.
The reasons are several. Initially many thought is was due to "selfishness" on the parts of Generations X and Y. But it goes way beyond any sort of generational proclivities. The macro environment has become increasingly unfavorable to not only fecundity but even marriage.
Then, as a sort of nasty icing on the cake, the melt down of 2008 hit. So any hopes that the kids of the Boomers would be different from the low fecundity Xers have been dashed.
We will not have children - it is now nearly predestined by biological reality (medically extreme actions notwithstanding). We have come to peace with growing old not only sans grandchildren but sans children.
Thanks for the recommendation. I once gave an interview on this subject when I was in my twenties that was also put into a book. It was so long ago I can't remember what it was but I do remember one of the questions was about how I would feel not having grandchildren. I said I didn't think that would be something I would miss and it turned out that I was right.
This thread makes me realize, though, that this is something about which people can feel a loss. I always knew that people felt a loss at not having children for whatever reasons but I never thought about not having grandchildren being a loss. I guess if you don't have kids of your own there are more options like adoption or taking in foster kids but it's tougher to acquire grandchildren in that manner.
But I think there have been some good suggestions here as to how to fill the void.
When I was in my twenties, my mother told me several times that she wished she hadn't had kids. Not that she didn't love us, but because the life she didn't have because of us.
As she had numerous miscarriages before me and between me and my siblings, it wasn't like she just stumbled into being a mother. She went after it with gusto.
Apparently, she thought having kids was all part of what one was supposed to do. But other than rocking babies, which she enjoyed for short periods of time, she really didn't care much for the company or care of kids. She didn't like to cook and made no bones about it. Didn't like to keep house, read stories... none of the things that one associates with caring for kids.
I put off having kids.
As it turns out, I had a ball. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I wish I'd started at 19 and had a half a dozen. Our kids are the most interesting people I know. I so look forward to catching up on things when we get together.
Mom's sense of loss was over the life she could have had but didn't.
When I was in my twenties, my mother told me several times that she wished she hadn't had kids. Not that she didn't love us, but because the life she didn't have because of us.
As she had numerous miscarriages before me and between me and my siblings, it wasn't like she just stumbled into being a mother. She went after it with gusto.
Apparently, she thought having kids was all part of what one was supposed to do. But other than rocking babies, which she enjoyed for short periods of time, she really didn't care much for the company or care of kids. She didn't like to cook and made no bones about it. Didn't like to keep house, read stories... none of the things that one associates with caring for kids.
I put off having kids.
As it turns out, I had a ball. I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I wish I'd started at 19 and had a half a dozen. Our kids are the most interesting people I know. I so look forward to catching up on things when we get together.
Mom's sense of loss was over the life she could have had but didn't.
So it works both ways, I guess.
I'm not sure there was much of a choice for our mothers. Society didn't provide much of a place -- if any place -- for the unmarried, childless woman.
To this day I remember the woman down the street (she taught us all how to knit). She was older (50-ish), divorced and childless. (She didn't work, she owned her home, and it was beautifully furnished -- somehow she was fairly well off.) All the married mothers on the block whispered about her and never let her be part of 'the group'. We finally moved away when I was in HS, and I never heard about her again.
I've never forgotten her and the way she was treated. She seemed to never have visitors. We kids used to wonder if she was lonely. As kids, we didn't know that a woman could be married and have kids and still be very lonely.
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