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I just discovered this thread. I probably read half of the pages. OP, I know how you feel. I was always considered a very attractive woman, some even said I was beautiful. When I hit menopause in my late 40's, I went through a lot of changes, and simultaneously went through some difficult emotional stuff. I aged tremendously - gained tons of weight, ate crappy food, didn't exercise - the whole bit. For awhile I just didn't care, my depression overrode all of it. I have had a lot of stresses in my life, and they took their toll. My husband, who most of my life told me I was beautiful even without makeup, quit giving me ANY compliments whatsoever, and that was very telling.
HOWEVER.......a couple years ago, I got tired of looking so bad. I felt just like you, looking in the mirror or at pictures of me (OMG, digital is just SOOOOOO unforgiving !) So, I started working out, strength training and yoga, got acupuncture weekly (helps with my back issues) started having a lot more energy, colored my hair again and wear some makeup every day. I certainly don't look like a 30 year old (I am 65 now) but my husband is now complimenting me again, almost daily. The other day he presented some pictures of me from about 4 years ago, where I really look ugly and horrible, and said "if there was ever anyone who reversed the aging process it is you!" LOL! Well, I definitely look a whole lot better than I did, but that said I AM 65, and I have some issues that go along with that age. I am not terribly "wrinkled" per se, but have a few more fine lines etched into my face now. Also, because of the weight loss (plus age) I now have wrinkly looking arms, despite great muscles from my workouts. That is what I hate the most.
I noticed that under certain lighting I look great, 20 years younger even, but sunlight, harsh light, uplight or downlight show every flaw and make me look terrible and old. I agree we should all take some professional pictures in perfect lighting, all dressed up and only look at those and carry those images around with us in our heads. If we project that inwardly, I believe that is how people will see us. My husband definitely feels I am beautiful again, and I try to act like I am, even if I don't always feel that way.
Bottom line, we can only be the best we can be for whatever age we are. I try to remember there are always those who are so much worse off than I am.
Losing one's looks is one aspect of the spectrum of losses which we endure as we age. Since we are all different, we all have different losses. Some lose their sight, others their hearing, others their flexibility, others their mental acuity, others their hair, others their balance, etc. Some of the losses can be slowed, even reversed for a time as in that inspiring post just up-thread, by such things as exercise, strength training, and yoga. Others cannot be slowed or reversed.
It is hard to "accept" any of the losses, but I think it helps if we have some enjoyable and gratifying activities and/or some meaningful ties to other people which allow us to focus on something outside of ourselves.
Since we are all different, we all have different losses. Some lose their sight, others their hearing, others their flexibility, others their mental acuity, others their hair, others their balance, etc.
Excellent point. By most people's standards I'm doing fine in the "looks" department but I'd trade it in a heartbeat for good balance!
I have to laugh because the last time I had a physical, I made the nurse measure me twice. I've always been 5'5 1/2", and now all of a sudden, I'm 5 feet. Where in the heck did that 1/2 inch go?.
You may already know this, but losing height is one of the first signs of osteoporosis. If you haven't had a bone density test lately, I'd recommend getting one just to make sure your spine is not losing bone and compressing. Osteoporosis is not painful at first, so you have to look for other signs that it's happening.
It also could be from discs drying up. They shrink and degenerate as we age, and we can lose height from that also.
Its also common normally as we age and our back muscles do not support our spines as well. Our joins wear over time as point out and its not just bone in joins.
At 60, I just discovered this thread. Yes, it is a little rough looking in the mirrors on some days but I notice that it doesn't seem to matter on a happy and sunny day when things are going right. I am busy making plans for the next 20 years right now so I don't think that much about my looks and I did make an effort to change my hair and wardrobe to something that works a little better. Too many people try to look like they did when they were younger with the dyed hair, that hairstyle from high school and clothing that would only be suitable for their granddaughter. Newsflash: Makes you look 20 years older than you are. This has hit my husband much harder and it is a real drag so he is on notice. I concentrate on exercise and a healthy diet, avoiding the medical machine with the assistance of homeopathic and natural medicine.
I'll take the wrinkles and sags as long as I can have the energy to keep moving. I am blessed with good health but that is also something that takes effort along with the luck.
You know, I never thought when I was a kid that people were so focused on getting older or even death. There was an acceptance that I am trying to keep alive in myself. A peacefulness about accepting what the reality is.
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!) So, I started working out, strength training and yoga, got acupuncture weekly (helps with my back issues) started having a lot more energy, colored my hair again and wear some makeup every day. I certainly don't look like a 30 year old (I am 65 now) but my husband is now complimenting me again, almost daily. The other day he presented some pictures of me from about 4 years ago, where I really look ugly and horrible, and said "if there was ever anyone who reversed the aging process it is you!" LOL! Well, I definitely look a whole lot better than I did, but that said I AM 65, and I have some issues that go along with that age. I am not terribly "wrinkled" per se, but have a few more fine lines etched into my face now. Also, because of the weight loss (plus age) I now have wrinkly looking arms, despite great muscles from my workouts. That is what I hate the most.
