So you planned;did it all fall in place? (pension, physically, financial advisor)
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Not retired yet, but am a couple years away,
made some plans and beginning to look for that day
then my wife passed away 2 months ago, suddenly / unexpectedly
Now single, first time in 30 years,
Have to make all new plans for the rest of my life ....
Maybe I shouldn't plan ...
So many coupled retirees seem to take for granted the idea that they will grow really old together, that is the model that the media project esp when selling stuff to boomers. And, the model we want to believe (best-case).
The reality is (and I don't know the stats) that folks will be unpartnered gradually or suddenly when the other
partner/spouse dies, and then it's a whole new (sometimes wildly) unfamiliar terrain, esp when the couple got married way back when (for me, in college). Being together for 2/3 of one's life to date, how do you start over? Come to think of it, second to divorce and/or serious illness of any close family member, maybe that loss is the biggest curve ball that can be tossed to us in retirement.
I had the unfortunate situation of moving from an area with stable but slowly appreciating housing prices to an area that was very "hot" at the time, we bought the house in November 2005 to be built for a move in the summer of 2006. About a year after we moved in the market dived and the house fell 50% in value. But we had put a lot down and were able to afford the payments so we just waited it out.
I have seen people mentally destroyed by the housing situation, though I feel bad for them they were really in over their heads.
The housing situation was horrific but I, too, knew folks who had made very poor decisions (such as getting a $450K house, w/ no interest loan, and a balloon payment in 5 years). So some of the decisions were just plain foolish. However, I also knew of situations where folks had been transferred, thought they were doing the right thing . . . ended up losing their jobs in 2009. . . it was a terrible situation for so many and for a lot of different reasons.
Financially, yes. We planned and we're good. Location wise, no. We missed our mark but I'm glad it happened. We retired early, still in our fifties to Florida. It was good for us to live there for the six years that we did. Great experience. It taught us a lot. Now we're relocated, closer to family and friends but there are some things we miss about Florida and we spend some of the winter there. Everything is a lesson. We're more learn-as-you-go people. We're also not done tweaking locations. The term 'final house' gives us the heevie-geevies.
I think a lot of us are "learn as you go" people! Truly, sometimes, you simply cannot know if it is the right decision til you try it out!!
As my grandmother always said . . . "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!"
Not retired yet, but am a couple years away,
made some plans and beginning to look for that day
then my wife passed away 2 months ago, suddenly / unexpectedly
Now single, first time in 30 years,
Have to make all new plans for the rest of my life ....
Maybe I shouldn't plan ...
BOATER: I can't imagine how your life changed over night, especially since your wife's passing was unexpected.
Yes, I would assume you are reconsidering any plans you had.
I think others have given you good advice . . . and it seems you instinctively knew it already. Probably shouldn't be making any plans for a while. There are so many things to consider and working through grief can take some time, as well.
You will know when it feels right to start planning again!
Thank you so much for posting! I hope you will stick around and let us know what is going on in your life. Lots of good folks here who are willing to share their experiences, sound advice (and good humor, as well!)
Being planners, we both planned for retirement before we even met each other. Once we got together we merged our plans and did a great job of continuing to save for retirement, along with having and raising kids, and pursuing our careers. What we didn't plan for was the stock market crash, which took a huge bite out of our retirement savings, but we decided not to panic and to just roll with it.
In preparation for my retirement in June of 2009 and our relocation to Florida, to be closer to my aging parents, we bought a home in Florida in the fall of 2008 and rented it back to the original owners. We'd never been landlords before, but it was our best option and it was only for eight months, so how bad could it be? Lol, we found out how bad it could be pretty quickly.
I then was diagnosed with breast cancer and my health insurance was tied to my job, so I could not retire or relocate until I was cancer free. In the meantime, my father began having TIAs, mini-strokes, and was diminished a bit with each one and the renters became more problematic. Finally, after a mastectomy, reconstruction, etc. I was declared cancer free, so I retired in February of 2011. I spent the next six weeks dejunking, cleaning, painting, organizing, and staging our house. The housing market had crashed and not much was selling in our area, but our house looked the best it ever had and we priced it aggressively just to get rid of it. It sold in five days, which was a blessing since our renters decided to break their lease on the Florida house and leave early.
We then had a series of garage sales, Craigslist sales, giveaways to friends, and Goodwill donation runs to get rid of our furniture and most of the belongings we had taken a lifetime to acquire. My husband got laid off and we decided to get to Florida before anything else went wrong. We became Florida residents in June of 2011. It was two years after we had planned, but we made it and my parents and I were still alive - yay.
We thought my husband would land a job once we got to Florida and we'd recoup some of the money we had lost in the market, but after a year and half of daily job searching and applying, it became obvious that he wasn't going to get a job because he was too old, too educated, and too experienced, so he finally gave up and retired early. As you can see, it hasn't worked out as we planned, but we made it and are relatively healthy and happy. I guess what we learned is life doesn't always work out the way you plan, but it does work out if you are flexible and are able to roll with the punches.
Wow, Sunnydee, that's a story! I'm so glad you are cancer-free and that you are able to look back on a hard time that shows your strengths. May your future be brighter. You have given me an important lesson.
SunnyDee, a heartbreak and an inspiration as well. Blessings your way. All around.
Gand, hang in there, I hope there is recovery for your brother.
At the end of the day you can only be grateful for what you have. Give thanks and hopefully live to fight another day.
It took me a long time to not be angry for what more I could have had with my dad and to just be thankful for what I got. That was a real turning point for me.
The tag line at the bottom of all my auctions since 2004:
Life is too short not to have the vintage cool stuff, china, silver and glass that you love. Spoil your pets, kiss your kids, tell your signifigant other that you love them even in the moments that you don't. Call your Mom and Dad. I love you Mom!
Little did I know back then how true those words are.........<3
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