Hubby swears he's going to sit around and do NOTHING after retirement: Need advice (social security, separate)
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My husband has been fantasizing about retirement for DECADES and now it's getting closer.
He's highly intelligent and has a GREAT job (litigator), but it's stressful and demanding. It's also a prestigious position, and he's at the top of the heap.
On the weekends, he sits around and does very little. Sometimes, he mows the grass. Most of the time, he watches TV or reads a book. He reads a LOT. He sits for hours, not even stirring.
He swears up and down that when he retires, he's just going to sit around and LOAF, as in do absolutely nothing. And some might say, "Oh, he'll get bored with that."
I don't think so. He prides himself in his "zen-like ability" to sit in one spot for long, long periods of time.
After seven days of vacation at home, I can honestly report that he really is content to sit around like a bump on a log and do absolutely NOT ONE THING.
My question is, I've heard that men who retire and have a hobby or a part-time job live much longer than those who just sit around. Can someone post some real-world experience with this? Or maybe direct me to an article?
I'm desperate to motivate him to go find something to DO rather than sit around. Plus, I work from home and he will drive me to hard liquor if he's underfoot 24/7.
My husband has been fantasizing about retirement for DECADES and now it's getting closer.
He's highly intelligent and has a GREAT job (litigator), but it's stressful and demanding. It's also a prestigious position, and he's at the top of the heap.
On the weekends, he sits around and does very little. Sometimes, he mows the grass. Most of the time, he watches TV or reads a book. He reads a LOT. He sits for hours, not even stirring.
He swears up and down that when he retires, he's just going to sit around and LOAF, as in do absolutely nothing. And some might say, "Oh, he'll get bored with that."
I don't think so. He prides himself in his "zen-like ability" to sit in one spot for long, long periods of time.
After seven days of vacation at home, I can honestly report that he really is content to sit around like a bump on a log and do absolutely NOT ONE THING.
My question is, I've heard that men who retire and have a hobby or a part-time job live much longer than those who just sit around. Can someone post some real-world experience with this? Or maybe direct me to an article?
I'm desperate to motivate him to go find something to DO rather than sit around. Plus, I work from home and he will drive me to hard liquor if he's underfoot 24/7.
Thanks.
Go rent an office. You've obviously had that house his entire career to do as you want all day long.
He deserves to have his time in his house the way he wants it. Is he a tenant or something? In fact, I think he deserves to have it to HIMSELF at least for several days a week without YOU underfoot. First time in HIS LIFE.
Are you a lawyer? I was a pro se defendant in a civil matter with a 365 day discovery period. FYI that's LONG.
I LOVED IT and hated it. I never did anything so challenging including being a high level manager with a Fortune 10 company reporting to the President who ended up going to federal prison for insider trading. I had fourteen CO-DEFENDANTS who all cross claimed me, too.
You NEVER EVER have a free minute to yourself in your head when you're a trial attorney or even a personal injury lawyer. Your adversaries are OUT TO GET YOU and sometimes the judge is an idiot. Your adversaries try every trick in the book including mis-wording testimony in front of the judge and jury, try to make you miss deadlines, produce fake witnesses, hide discovery, paper you with documents, interrogatories, briefs, motions with TONS of lying and dirty tricks every step of the way. On top of ALL THAT you have to know the rules of court and procedures. Then we have the issue of the defendant/plaintiffs being full of crap or difficult or not paying or whatever.
Hell, I didn't even know how to file my ANSWER and my co-defendants lawyers were getting extensions and refused to show me THEIR answers. So how did I do MINE? I looked up BILL CLINTON'S Answer and used that format hahahaha.
I was a very good lawyer. I had a knack, knew people, and very good instinct and some ESP. I KNEW when I read his answer that the format would drive my adversary bonkers because it was LONG WINDED and wordy LOL. And I pulled EVERY Affirmative Defense in the book and made her work three times as hard. I had about 19 affirmative defenses. Then a long winded counter claim.
I WON. After a year and a half, I got the judge to threaten my adversary and her client with jail time for failure to produce LOL. They dropped the lawsuit.
My adversary offered me a job and I wasn't even a para legal or a lawyer. BY the time I finished with her she hated her client SO MUCH. Because he was a big liar and she started out believing him then found out what she got into.
IT TOOK ME ONE YEAR TO DECOMPRESS.
Cut the man a BREAK. He's not even retired yet.
____________________________________________
I've got one UP on him.
I retired young and moved to Florida but got a job offer in NO.FL shortly after. So I put my condo up for sale and moved up there for 6 years.
Long story short I never sold the condo and moved back to it.
I had a twin bed in each bedroom from staging it.
So I had my mover set my latex foam adjustable bed in my LIVING ROOM.
That was almost two years ago.
I LOVE IT.
Tell your husband to go buy an adjustable bed for your living room. It's FANTASTIC!
I started a dog walking business. GIVE THE MAN A CHANCE TO FIND HIS SECOND PASSION, FFS.
Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-09-2014 at 07:19 PM..
Sitting in one spot for a long time watching TV or reading or posting on City-Data is fun for a while, especially if you can excuse it as recovery from some medical procedure or justify it with something else, but I predict your husband will need some type of stimulation within two weeks to two months. Otherwise he will show symptoms of cabin fever and his quality of life will go down the hill, if he is still healthy (which he appears to be).
My husband has been fantasizing about retirement for DECADES and now it's getting closer. ... He swears up and down that when he retires, he's just going to sit around and LOAF, as in do absolutely nothing.
It's his dream. No one knows what he'll actually do. Let him try to live his dream. He may change. If he doesn't, you can live with it, or change yourself.
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I'm desperate to motivate him
Therein lies the problem. Leave him be. Let him motivate himself.
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Plus, I work from home and he will drive me to hard liquor if he's underfoot 24/7.
Someone else wisely suggested that you rent an office. Within walking distance, if possible.
My dad retired last year after being a surgeon for 40 years. My mom had already retired the previous year.
He lasted 2.5 months. He couldn't stand being around my mom all day so he got a job as a doctor at the state prison.
Yes, he prefers being in an actual prison to being cooped up in the house with his wife.
It sounds like you're a lot like my mom. Maybe there's a nearby prison where he could submit his resume?
Runswithscissors - I LOVE YOUR POST. Boy, does that bring back memories. Tried to rep you, but couldn't.
This especially:
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You NEVER EVER have a free minute to yourself in your head when you're a trial attorney
That, absolutely, says it all. There is NO PEACE OF MIND (nor a good night's rest) in that line of work.
As I said upthread, unless you've walked in those shoes, you really can't relate.
On the other side of the coin, I've met the wives of these men. Because the careers are all-consuming, there is bitterness here and there. However, the lifestyle and material rewards are outstanding.
Because, he has an active, curious mind ("genius" OP described it), OP's hubby isn't going to be watching TV, of that I'm sure. He will, however, have his nose in a book. I knew a securities law attorney who routinely read books written in French. This kind of intellect doesn't just go on vacation in retirement.
He'll get tired of sitting around soon enough. Roll with it. That don't work nag.
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