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She has.....sent a sympathy card with a short 'thinking of you' note when my husband died and can't call....doesn't have my new phone number.
There is no 'when you're in town". That would only happen on either end, on purpose to see each other.
So it's all on me. I keep putting off even thinking about it until I decided to write it out here so maybe now will do something about it.....still not sure what, but something or just put it to rest.
She has.....sent a sympathy card with a short 'thinking of you' note when my husband died and can't call....doesn't have my new phone number.
There is no 'when you're in town". That would only happen on either end, on purpose to see each other.
So it's all on me. I keep putting off even thinking about it until I decided to write it out here so maybe now will do something about it.....still not sure what, but something or just put it to rest.
Maybe just a nice card with some lines about wanting to privately chat some time. Of course you'd never know whether it's really private, he could be lurking in the background, listening in, like one of my BILs does when I'm on the phone with a sister. He actually interfered a few times in private stuff between that sister and another one. The busy body type, unusual in a man. But a least a nice card lets her know you're thinking of her, and she can take it from there.
As I was driving a distance today I thought back over the unfavorable things (and the few unfavorable people) that have crossed my path life and I realized suddenly that I survived them in time and that the drama eventually went away, I'm free of them. Must be the perspective of age. Then I realized I'd serve my own interests better to let go of unpleasant occurrences and people, because it'll all pass anyway. It was as simple as that. I think maybe I'm getting enlightened.
newenglandgirl, I haven't posted anything in this thread, but I have been following it from the beginning, and thinking about your situation. You sound happier today! I think if you can just move on to something new, to focus on for a while, this will fall into perspective. Maybe think about that big downsizing project you've been working on! Take some time, and maybe go look at a couple of smaller places you could live, just for ideas. Or go outside and rake a pile a big, beautiful, crunch fall leaves! The one piece of advise I can give with this friend situation, is to go easy. Take a break, a breather. But "don't throw the baby out with the bath water!". There is something magical about reminiscing with a longtime friend about days gone past...leave that door open.
newenglandgirl, I haven't posted anything in this thread, but I have been following it from the beginning, and thinking about your situation. You sound happier today! I think if you can just move on to something new, to focus on for a while, this will fall into perspective. Maybe think about that big downsizing project you've been working on! Take some time, and maybe go look at a couple of smaller places you could live, just for ideas. Or go outside and rake a pile a big, beautiful, crunch fall leaves! The one piece of advise I can give with this friend situation, is to go easy. Take a break, a breather. But "don't throw the baby out with the bath water!". There is something magical about reminiscing with a longtime friend about days gone past...leave that door open.
Thank you for your input. I am feeling a bit better, but will update in my next post.
I just received an email from Friend B that I believe she didn't mean to send to me. It was a message for Friend A. (She must have Friend A's email address in with mine in a single email folder.) She was referring to a movie they are apparently going to together. (Over the past summer, we always (to my knowledge) went to movie as a threesome.) I've heard nothing of this (no invite to me from either of them), so I guess I have a definitive answer here. I couldn't resist emailing back Friend B's message to her with three question marks and my name, no comment, as if to say what does this mean. I've got to let this fade, but in a smallish town, me being a relative newcomer, this is not at all easy for me. As many of you have so kindly said, I need to go easy and take it as it comes. It is like a death in many ways, and I do keep remembering the good things about Friend A, however that is truly marred by the latest.
Ugh, NEG---that's the problem with emails and how easy it is to inadvertently send something to the wrong person (in this case, you---since obviously they just want to go as a twosome). I wouldn't have been able to resist sending back the reply with the question marks since you DID receive the e-mail me and didn't understand what it was all about (but probably are understanding it correctly).
So---women of our age still acting like high school girls, enjoying shutting someone out? I thought as adults, you tried to be inclusive and avoid hurting other people's feelings. It's the movies---does it really make a difference if another person goes, even if they are not all completely getting along---everyone would (hopefully) be silent during the movie anyway, so not a lot of interaction.
I've ruminated too much in the past (ha---I said the past---let's see if I can hold to this!) about people's mistreatment of me. Now I've come to realize that if they are capable of not treating me well, then they aren't the sort of people I want in my life. Yes, it's like a small death to lose a friend and there is some grieving---but you are opening a space and energy and time to heal and to let in new people and new activities.
So---women of our age still acting like high school girls, enjoying shutting someone out? I thought as adults, you tried to be inclusive and avoid hurting other people's feelings. It's the movies---does it really make a difference if another person goes, even if they are not all completely getting along---everyone would (hopefully) be silent during the movie anyway, so not a lot of interaction.
They were in high school together (several yrs apart, but didn't know each other) and they would frequently go on in my presence about the kids from h.s. days while I patiently twiddled my thumbs and hummed to myself. Maybe they are more natural friends to each other, and match each other better. I get that. What makes me mad is what former Friend A probably said to Friend B, how she distorted the situation and, even more, how she would violate the privacy factor and would want to steer Friend B away from me. I could still be wrong, but...
I wrestle with these issues with a friend of mine too, for many years now. We were pretty close friends (known each other about 20 years) and went thru thick and thin during those years. But I guess I thought we were closer than we really were. She has many friends and is a extremely social person and has a "gift" for making everybody feel that she is close to them so there's lots of mixed messages going on. A few years ago she reunited with some high school girlfriends and I got kicked to the curb (or at least dropped a rung or two on the friendship ladder), then recently she reunited with a friend who had dumped her over 15 years ago, and they are now joined at the hip. I've had to do a lot of soul searching about this and still haven't come to a real conclusion. I can't imagine her not being in my life at some level but it doesn't feel real good. Since I've retired I've seen her a couple of times but I always feel she is squeezing me in to her very busy social schedule and she talks a lot about her other friends and what they are doing together, etc. But she is a good soul and I do appreciate her good qualities, but things have changed. For one thing I don't have the kind of money her other friends have to go out, travel, attend cultural events, shop, spend long periods of time together, etc. so, even though we do have a long history together, I'm not sure how much she really wants to do things with me or how much time I really want to spend with her either. I've offered to do things that she and I would both like to do but more often than not somehow these plans just don't materialize. So maybe just getting together once in awhile is OK (like every couple months). I have to say that she always invites me to Thanksgiving and Christmas which I greatly appreciate, since I don't have any family. It's hard and I feel for you being in this situation, I can definitely relate.
I am about your age, and I have just had the first person in my circle drop dead unexpectedly. I wasn't close to him, but it gave me pause. I have friends spread far and wide which I see maybe every year, or less. We keep in touch by emails, mostly. If one of them moved to the same town, I am sure there might be things about them that were annoying. we all grow and change.
The thing is, like the saying goes, it takes a long time to grow an old friend. People who share a history with you are precious. So, sometimes they're annoying. I will put up with a lot to stay close to a person who was at my baby shower 32 years ago, or who moved next door 45 years ago. New friends might have the annoyances screened out, but they still can't compare.
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