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Studies bear out that for the most part women are the ones pulling second shift, working a job outside the home and then are wholly or mostly responsible for the home and childcare. Personally, I'm in an essentially equal relationship but most of my friends are not. I would not want the arrangement that they have which is partly why it took me so long to marry the first time.
And it's not just about the work. It's about the ability to be your own person, to follow your interests rather than having to negotiate constantly or worse subjugate your desires to accommodate another within a relationship. Like it or not, many women have not had an overall enriching experience in their relationships with their husbands. The same goes for many men. Women aren't saints but we are talking about why a 70 something man might find it difficult to find a 60 something woman to have a relationship with.
FWIW, I've observed the second shift, subjugate one's persona phenomena within a lesbian couple that I know. It's not just male/female but there are dominant patterns within society. People are a product of their experiences and the 70 something man that the OP referenced will have to adjust for things time has changed while he was married.
I'm 53 and if something happened to my husband, I don't think I'd be interested in marrying again or having a LTR with anyone. I love him and he's a good husband, but if he were gone, I think I could create an interesting and fulfilling life for myself without remarrying.
I don't think I would ever marry again if something happened to John unless it was beneficial financially. I've been married to the love of my life for 30 years and anyone else who would come after him would only be second best. It would also be very difficult for me to take my clothes off in front of a stranger and the older I get the more difficult that would be. It's also even more difficult to be physically attracted to older men. There is nothing sexy about old age. The older I get the more set I get in my routine. Change is harder when we get older as well. I wouldn't say that men are "irrelevant" but I would say that it would be more important to have me time if John leaves before I do. I love him with every fiber of my being but he is a lot of work and compromise. Who has the energy to go through all of that again? I think I would rather hire some young boy toy to come once a week if the need should arise and keep other males as friends....without benefits.
I don't think I would ever marry again if something happened to John unless it was beneficial financially. I've been married to the love of my life for 30 years and anyone else who would come after him would only be second best. It would also be very difficult for me to take my clothes off in front of a stranger and the older I get the more difficult that would be. It's also even more difficult to be physically attracted to older men. There is nothing sexy about old age. The older I get the more set I get in my routine. Change is harder when we get older as well. I wouldn't say that men are "irrelevant" but I would say that it would be more important to have me time if John leaves before I do. I love him with every fiber of my being but he is a lot of work and compromise. Who has the energy to go through all of that again? I think I would rather hire some young boy toy to come once a week if the need should arise and keep other males as friends....without benefits.
You said it better than I did. But these are exactly my sentiments.
Our family has many widows (can't think of a case where the woman died before the man) and I think it boils down to a few factors.
1) Exhaustion - especially if the person was sick for a long time. My grandfather was extremely sick for six years before he died, he had his first heartattack twelve years prior to that. Toward the end especially, it was a constant carousel of running him to the doctor multiple times a week, doing all the driving, shopping, etc, and he was in and out of nursing homes, the hospital, and back home for the last two or three years of his life. It was simply exhausting to her.
2) Shock - if someone is lost especially quickly or in unusual circumstances, I think shock becomes a mental barrier.
I feel like men that age probably want to be taken care of, and women of that age are probably done taking care of other people. Plus once menopause happens, I would think sex would be less interesting to women.
Depending on how active and healthy he is, he might even want to consider women in their 50s. But if he's in poor health, it's really no wonder a woman would not want to saddle herself down with another person to care for.
Many men in their older years may lack the financial resources to make themselves relevant to a financially secure woman. Their are many vultures out there wanting a mate for more than love and companionship. It can have fiscal implications. I wonder how many senior marriages come with pre-nup's.
I feel like men that age probably want to be taken care of, and women of that age are probably done taking care of other people. Plus once menopause happens, I would think sex would be less interesting to women.
Depending on how active and healthy he is, he might even want to consider women in their 50s. But if he's in poor health, it's really no wonder a woman would not want to saddle herself down with another person to care for.
My 85 year old widowed MIL snowbirds in a retirement community in FL. She goes on trips and activities with friends there, many widowed but not all. She had a persistent male admirer who wouldn't take no for an answer; she's a gentle soul and it took him a while to realize there was no way she was interested.
His pick up line? "I like a skinny, hard-working woman like you!" For the love of.... relevancy.
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For the love of.... relevancy.
