Stuck in who-gets-what Hell (moving, gorgeous, 2015, relatives)

[jghorton]

Very closely related to 'What happens AFTER one dies,' is 'What happens if one is incapacitated and/or comatose.' End of life decisions are often left to an emotionally distraught family who must decide between heroic means (with a potential vegetative state outcome) ... or 'pulling the plug.'

Along these lines, people need to understand that a feeding tube is not an alternative to slow, painful starvation (which is NOT what happens when a feeding tube is not implanted). I've seen people who are unable to see, hear or interact with others, kept alive for years on a feeding tube - which, doctors cannot then simply remove when the family recognizes what the error of their decision.

It's important to compile instructions about one's wishes, in the event one is no longer able to participate in their own health care decisions. IMO, quibbling over 'lamps and pictures' and the disposition of a body, pales in contrast to communicating one's EOL preferences with the family.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by Sibay

Other suggestions:

Make sure the Will you leave is considered a legal document.

Talk to the members of your family and discuss who will handle your estate. Not everyone wants the job or is capable of doing it.

Set up folders with current banking, tax information etc. so your family can find things easily. Show family members where these documents are.

Keep a list of bills you pay. Electric, credit card, etc. These accounts have to be closed when you die. Family members need to know who to contact, account numbers etc.

Throw out old bills, deeds, car titles etc. that are no longer pertinent. At the very least, put them in their own box marked "obsolete" or similar.

If you have beneficiaries on IRA's or other banking accounts make sure the paperwork is correct before you die, banks do make mistakes.

Consider going through old photo albums and writing who people are on the back so your family knows if they're about to throw away the only existing picture of their great, great, great grandfather or a picture of a stranger you inherited from your parents.

Excellent points.

BTW, when my last surviving parent died about 15 years ago my three siblings and I did not even have one fight or disagreement about dividing things up. Daddy had a very simple, several paragraph will that basically said "Divide everything four ways" and "Share and be fair". Since then we have been co-owners of the family farm and, again, we have decided everything as team and have had absolutely no disagreements. So, I wanted to point out that amicable dividing up of an estate after a death can happen. We siblings have always been close and, in fact, we are even closer now.

[Caltovegas]

The first thing I have people do when I offer a Legal membership is contact the law firm with the membership and consult about the importance of having an estate plan.

[FiveLoaves]

A Question about Simple Wills --
For a simple Will between Husband and Wife, where the Home is in both names and we are each other's Beneficiates on all Accounts.....is Legal Zoom sufficient ?? Can we use it to spell out Advance Directives ?? Has anybody ever used Legal Zoom ??

Does one really need to see a lawyer for a full-blown Will ?? How much would a Lawyer typically charge ??

[Ms. Anony Mous]

Originally Posted by jghorton

Very closely related to 'What happens AFTER one dies,' is 'What happens if one is incapacitated and/or comatose.' End of life decisions are often left to an emotionally distraught family who must decide between heroic means (with a potential vegetative state outcome) ... or 'pulling the plug.'

Along these lines, people need to understand that a feeding tube is not an alternative to slow, painful starvation (which is NOT what happens when a feeding tube is not implanted). I've seen people who are unable to see, hear or interact with others, kept alive for years on a feeding tube - which, doctors cannot then simply remove when the family recognizes what the error of their decision.

It's important to compile instructions about one's wishes, in the event one is no longer able to participate in their own health care decisions. IMO, quibbling over 'lamps and pictures' and the disposition of a body, pales in contrast to communicating one's EOL preferences with the family.

I'm going through this right now. My husband had kidney failure in April and is now in a persistent vegetative state on a ventilator. He didn't have any advance directive, living will, or anything. Now he's going back and forth from the long term acute care facility to the hospital because of pressure sores, infections, etc. Family members are no help at all, with some saying to give him some time and others saying to 'pull the plug.'

We always would talk about wills, etc. but never took any action to put these things in place. It's a difficult topic because we all don't want to think about these things, but I'm finding out firsthand that the consequences of not having your affairs in order is way more difficult to handle.

[grampaTom]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

Please, please, PLEASE do not do this to the people you love. Make out a will and list ALL of your wishes - whether you are healthy or not.

If you are healthy, you could still die tomorrow in a traffic crash.

Your wishes need to include:
if you want to be cremated or not
what kind of visitation (or none) you want
where you want to be buried (if you do)
what you want to wear
what you want to go with you
what you want who to have

list absolutely everything you could imagine

What you don't take care of now, leads to nastiness. And NEVER think your family won't sink that low, because they WILL.

I've seen the evidence several times. Human nature is a funny thing.

[Red On The Noodle]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

Please, please, PLEASE do not do this to the people you love. Make out a will and list ALL of your wishes - whether you are healthy or not.

If you are healthy, you could still die tomorrow in a traffic crash.

Your wishes need to include:
if you want to be cremated or not
what kind of visitation (or none) you want
where you want to be buried (if you do)
what you want to wear
what you want to go with you
what you want who to have

list absolutely everything you could imagine

What you don't take care of now, leads to nastiness. And NEVER think your family won't sink that low, because they WILL.

I gave my parents an Estate Checklist form we use at the law firm which lists all these things, along with life insurance polices, checking accounts, credit cards, social media sites and passwords, and any and all information someone needs to know to wrap up your affairs.


Now my mother is mad at me because she thinks I'm hurrying her up to die.


(My mother has been mad at me all her life and the dementia/Alzheimers/medication issue she has going on just makes each day more fun)


I cannot post the one we use, but here is something similar:


http://www.nature.org/gift-planning/...-inventory.pdf

[ylisa7]

Originally Posted by FiveLoaves

A Question about Simple Wills --
For a simple Will between Husband and Wife, where the Home is in both names and we are each other's Beneficiates on all Accounts.....is Legal Zoom sufficient ?? Can we use it to spell out Advance Directives ?? Has anybody ever used Legal Zoom ??

Does one really need to see a lawyer for a full-blown Will ?? How much would a Lawyer typically charge ??

Just make sure you follow your state estate laws and it should be fine. Don't forget to include a clause in case you both die…then someone else will get what you have.

[ylisa7]

As for your burial or cremation make sure your wishes are known to your family and or executor. By the time a will is read your remains will most likely already be taken care of.

[veuvegirl]

My parents have done this for us because my mom went through hell. I thought she was silly until my dad starting getting sick. My sister has already begun to stake claim on everything because she 'deserves' it. Crazy!