Why don't some men slow down? (55, years, adult, husband)
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You could have said the same about my Mother. She worked till she was 70 and only due to an inner ear issue, did she finally retire. 4 years after she retired, there came talk of an operation to fix the issue, I said "Mom, what would you do if it was fixed?"
"Go back to work!" was her reply. She knew no other way of living...
A lot of it is pride. People often don't want to acknowledge a physical decline.
I guess so. The one guy with the breathing issues, goes puffs on his machine, goes out, cuts one tiny branch, goes back in puffs, out - cut - etc. I don't blame his wife not wanting to see that.
I'm the same way - I don't want to be a witness to that self abuse. Just let me know when you want me to dial 911!
Tell me, are you relishing the idea of being completely helpless? It's fine being waited on hand-and-foot in a luxury hotel but you go back to your real life after that.
In a nursing home, there isn't any real life any more. Most people can't even wipe their own butts.
There seems to be two kinds of guys in this category, one is the older jock who still finds some entertainment playing his heart out, literally. The other is the guy who took pride in keeping up with around the home things by working with his hands and now can't stop for fear of admitting a need to slow down. I'm in between them, still puttering around the outside with my wife during our clean-up sprees of back wrenching labor, but we have a guy mowing the lawn and edging, and we use a house cleaner now.
I've seen women in the same boat, recently my neighbor, a seventy five yr old widow, was cutting down a medium sized tree in her front yard, I felt I should offer some help but then again I wouldn't be doing that kind of work on my own anymore, I helped anyway and learned that she is pretty tough, and, terribly independent.
Thinking about that later, I realized the reason we all push ourselves---early childhood admonishments to "do for yourself" became a mantra of among those born in the forties and early fifties. Slowing down, for many equates with their imagined imminent demise, the irony is that their insistence upon pushing themselves is often the reason for early death.
My current list of "**** I Have to Get Done in the Next Couple Weeks".
Finish painting the house.
General Fall yard work.
Repaint goose decoys.
Beef up the camouflage on the layout blinds.
Cut down a dead tree before it comes down on its own. I will have the male genetic units help with that.
Suck it up and help Mrs. NBP with her Halloween decorating, which includes a slowly expanding string of lights for the house.
Detail her Forester and my F150.
My knees and ankles can only take a couple hours on a ladder anymore so the house painting is taking longer than it should.
I guess so. The one guy with the breathing issues, goes puffs on his machine, goes out, cuts one tiny branch, goes back in puffs, out - cut - etc. I don't blame his wife not wanting to see that.
I'm the same way - I don't want to be a witness to that self abuse. Just let me know when you want me to dial 911!
I do wonder if some, perhaps myself included, harbor a dark hope that it will all be over before you dial.
My father refused to do any work in the home...when he came home from work it was then woman's work at that was that. My mother worked also. We needed the money. I, being female, grew up with the admonition to get a career, clean the house, feed the kids..yada yada yada. I could probably retire now at 61 but I still work because I can't sit still.
At least for me I will probably bring in some sort of paycheck till I can't. Makes me feel useful and still part of the world.
Some people can really just hang out, read a book, watch TV, do a bit of golfing etc. Not me, I am hard wired for that paycheck. Even if it is 10$ a hour.
I think we get hard wired to be useful and believe that we can continue to do this when in reality we shouldn't...at least not so much.
To watch someone we love push themselves past endurance when they get to a certain age is very very painful. Like seeing someone digging their own grave right before our eyes.
I only have the dog and two cats to watch me decline...I divorced by ex since he didn't think he should do anything around the house either. But he made a heck of a lot more money when he wasn't being fired because of his temper...he'll still kill himself eventually just because of an out of control temper which he still thinks is the way to deal with life. I didn't want to watch that anymore either. Still calls me screaming. Like we are still married. Go figure.
TMKSarah
TMKSarah
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