Divorce Over the Age of 55-60 - Regrets? (50+, weather, divorced)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We do not have the easiest of marriages but we have hung on. there was a time about 12+ years ago when my husband wanted a divorce. he was also going through a very odd time in his life when he often talked about there not being much to live for past 60 and he won't mind dying. he was very worried about post-retirement life, he could not see what he could possibly do with himself, how we would manage cost wise, his parents, complications in his family.
we got over that and now he is retired (4years) and is quite happy with life, grandkids, his health, his friends, gym, internet politics, travel, photography. my life if full as well with volunteer activities, travel, family, writing. the thing that we are most grateful for, which adds to mental peace, is that our finances are in great shape, we can do things for our kids. we live in the same paid off house, same town, and have no desire or need to move.
sometimes, after a particularly nasty argument, i wonder how my life would have been had we divorced. it would have been a clean and friendly divorce and wonder if I lost an opportunity handed to me instead of fighting to stay married, which i actually did. the idea was too painful for me and i felt he was making a big mistake. it was a rough couple of years when we went through that phase.
I was reading the other thread about divorce after 50+ and was wondering how many have regrets. I know many people wrote in saying they are happy after divorce, even with half the assets, and wish they had done it even earlier. good for them. how about the rest?
If one makes a mistake marrying and does not divorce quickly, this can happen.
Life gets complicated - mortgage, career churn, economic stress - maybe kids.
It's like one keeps digging the hole deeper.
Then, when the kids are independent and / or the mortgage paid / minimal, suddenly, one realizes that divorce may be doable. Not ideal, and elder years may be a lot more sparse. But would one want to keep living in a mistake until one dies?
This does not address your question- but I would not be part of any marriage that included "particularly nasty argument" (s)
I have to agree here - I have never been involved in a particularly nasty argument. If someone makes me so mad that that might even be a consideration - it is time to walk out the door.
And I have been divorced twice - there was no arguing - it was just done and over.
Arguments are normal. I can survive nasty arguments, I can survive a lot of things. Divorce is for when it's unbearable and hopeless.
If you think there is a good chance that things can get better, then why get divorced? Divorce is a painful process for most people. Life is not always a bowl of cherries on the other side either.
I got divorced because there was no choice AT ALL so if course I am better off. Most people should just remain married and if you're not that happy, just make some other arrangements within the marriage. You don't have to be joined at the hip, after all. You can go off with friends or practically have your own life with volunteer work. There are all sorts of creative marriages (and I am not talking about cheating on your spouse) without getting divorced.
I regret it because I didn't want it. At this point though I only regret the loss of an intact family (2 young adult kids) and financially secure future that we were SO CLOSE to achieving before he decided he wanted a different life after 30 years. I do not regret him being gone though. The last few years were incredibly hard and stressful so I'm happy for the peace and sense of calm I have now. In a perfect world those 4-5 bad years would have never happened, or we would have "weathered the storm" and gotten through it, but it didn't work out that way.
While I have no concrete proof I suspect he has regrets too. He's learned the grass isn't greener and that certain people from his old life weren't interested in his new one. And the money has GOT to hurt.
Money seems to be a reason for regret? Mostly ladies? Well - it might be too late for you, but please tell your kids - ALWAYS, ALWAYS be in a position to be able to support yourself if something were to happen to your other half - divorce or worse death.
Money seems to be a reason for regret? Mostly ladies? Well - it might be too late for you, but please tell your kids - ALWAYS, ALWAYS be in a position to be able to support yourself if something were to happen to your other half - divorce or worse death.
We do not have the easiest of marriages but we have hung on. there was a time about 12+ years ago when my husband wanted a divorce. he was also going through a very odd time in his life when he often talked about there not being much to live for past 60 and he won't mind dying. he was very worried about post-retirement life, he could not see what he could possibly do with himself, how we would manage cost wise, his parents, complications in his family.
we got over that and now he is retired (4years) and is quite happy with life, grandkids, his health, his friends, gym, internet politics, travel, photography. my life if full as well with volunteer activities, travel, family, writing. the thing that we are most grateful for, which adds to mental peace, is that our finances are in great shape, we can do things for our kids. we live in the same paid off house, same town, and have no desire or need to move.
sometimes, after a particularly nasty argument, i wonder how my life would have been had we divorced. it would have been a clean and friendly divorce and wonder if I lost an opportunity handed to me instead of fighting to stay married, which i actually did. the idea was too painful for me and i felt he was making a big mistake. it was a rough couple of years when we went through that phase.
I was reading the other thread about divorce after 50+ and was wondering how many have regrets. I know many people wrote in saying they are happy after divorce, even with half the assets, and wish they had done it even earlier. good for them. how about the rest?
You can never know which path you should have taken. If you are happy now, that is what matters.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
