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I do feel that way, in the sense that *who* I was, my identity, is gone. I have to recreate myself here in this new life, find a new identity, and figuring out how to do that.
Wow!!! That's a rather astute observation!
I guess it requires some thought..
and a few ideas of what you might like to be doing.
Its funny;
I had a list of the things I couldn't wait to do once we were settled from moving in (last year).
I have been doinfg these things presuming they would be fullfilling, buuuut, not so sure
they are scratching the itch.
I've found that anywhere I go here in the USA, I can meet up with a family member. Amazing!
My "roots" are everywhere.
This works for my husband a "Kellogg"...they are everywhere. One even was killed at the Battle of the Alamo, which made me love him more as I am from Texas and this is where we live now.
I do feel that way, in the sense that *who* I was, my identity, is gone. I have to recreate myself here in this new life, find a new identity, and figuring out how to do that.
All very true.
The OP may be "lucky" in that they haven't already had to recreate themselves! Women start to disappear quite early when their looks fade as does their stereotypical relevance to men as well as their reproductive relevance.
If you've been divorced....BIG, BIG change in your identity!
When your grandparents and parents die...perhaps not as dramatic but can make you look at your roots.
"Losing a job" due to retirement? ...it's just the next thing in a long succession for most folks.
I would say no if it weren't for my behavior at times. We moved across country away from everyone I knew to the town where my husband's family live. They are nice people but they have their own lives that existed prior to our move. They barely know me. I find that when I am in a family group I talk too much and, though I tell myself I won't do it again, I always do. They don't seem to notice or to mind but, as I said, they are nice. So, I must conclude that I do feel invisible enough to be overcompensating when given an opportunity to be visible. My husband is disabled and I must stay with him so I have made no friends in this town. He's not much for conversation so I explode on the rare occasion that I am around people. This makes me try to stay away from people for fear I will start talking and not be able to quit.
It is the lack of people with whom to interact with that causes that feeling of 'disappearing'. It can come from moving away from where you know people, from no longer having work colleagues, from no longer meeting people at church or a club, and so forth. If we do not interact on a more than superficial basis, we may as well disappear, and it will feel like it. Everyone is in their own little world it seems.
There's a great deal of truth in the saying, "You can never go back home again." For example, we moved away from our home of 26-years, about 5-years ago. Even in 5-years, there have been tremendous changes in the people and situations we knew where we came from. We could go back, but, it simply wouldn't be the same.
You didn't say how long you have been away ... or what changes have occurred at 'home' during that time. But, you may well have reached the time where it is no longer the 'home' you remember or knew. You only "disappear" if you allow yourself to become 'unknown' to the people around you. Instead of waiting for them to come and befriend you, it's time for you to get out and get involved. Become a real friend and neighbor to others. Then you will "un-disappear."
You can never really go home except in your memories. Places and people change and die. They are replaced by the present. It's the source of life's greatest tragedies and life's greatest joys. New babies in the family help.
I have a serious question to throw out if you want to volley.
For those of you who have moved very far from your roots..
does the distance feel greater than the miles?
I live in a different state from where I grew up.
Life doesn't feel homey, rather it feels like I am slowly vanishing.
I live just a few miles from where I grew up. My Mom is still in my childhood home. And yet, I'm a stranger in a strange land. The landscapes I knew as a child are now alien. I'm not referring to the mountains, the bay or even the established portions of the concrete jungle. It's more of a social statement.
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