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Some people are just wired differently, they are impulsive, adventurous and never concern themselves with the future. I think that is at least partly physiological and that would seem to be the case, as I assume you raised them both. In the end it seems she figured out how to make life work for herself but depending on another can be precarious.
Personally, I think it's best to have a balance in life. We only get one life and it's important to enjoy it but planning for the future is essential as well.
Totally agree and that resourcefulness she showed as she panicked as she was running out of $ I warrant would NOT have manifested had she been offered an easier way! She only got serious and did the right thing out of sheer necessity.
Also agree depemding on husbands can be iffy but she comes from several generations of females who marry well and who make sure they also handle the finances themselves (we're not exactly a romantic lot) so as to mitigate the uncertainty somwehat.
Why would you deliberately make your children's lives harder? That's really perverse.
???
Who said anything about making their lives harder? lol are you kidding me? What because I don't plan on leaving them millions of dollars that's making their life harder?
Oh yeah, anyone want to make my life "harder" by sending me to law school for free, sending me to Paris and london for free, allowing me to drive cars without a note or insurance and leaving me income generating property.
You are not the OP. But as you are a dual national, you're a good example of foreigners being able to take something from this country. That isn't the way any of this should work. In a proper system, foreigners wouldn't be able to own property here. And they certainly wouldn't be allowed to expatriate whatever they accumulated in the US without paying the exit tax.
Are you crazy? I am a dual national. I hold a British passport and an American passport. I am married to a US citizen. My own family all live in the UK. If my husband died and I wanted to sell my house, and take all my savings to the UK, you think I should not be allowed to do that? Wow!
BTW dual nationals aren't considered foreigners are they? If you own a US passport, you are an American citizen.
I don't get it. People do everything for their kids. Why would they not want to keep generational wealth in their family?
I don't have kids. Someday some niece, nephew, or distant cousin that doesn't even know me, may get a surprise.
It's one thing to keep that money in a trust and hand out percentages annually to the kids - quite another to just hand it over completely so it can be squandered in one fell swoop. Do some real long-term planning to ensure there is some left for MULTIPLE generations.
I most certainly did not. or maybe we have a totally different definition of "Hard". If I give away every single solitary cent, neither one of my kids could claim any type of hardship.
Now I did say I told my kid if he started complaining that I could very well make his life harder and sorry I think that is a totally acceptable statement.
I will not have entitled kids EVER. I don't know your philosophy but my job as a parent is to the best of my ability produce "well adjusted, fully functioning, give back to the community, capable to stand on your two feet" adults. I gladly give them any financial, emotional or any other type of support I can BUT if I feel they are becoming in anyway entitled or self centered I believe it is also my job as a parent to correct that bad behavior.
The best thing I can leave my kids is the ability to be self sufficient so when life knocks them down (and it will) they pick themselves up and get it together. not sit around waiting for someone to die so they can have a better life.
So thank you, I'll take being a good "perverse" parent.
to get back on topic. Op, you said it yourself, you're children are well adjusted and successful...THAT imo is the best gift/legacy you can give them. It is also one they can pass onto their children for generations to come. Feel free to use your money any way you wish. take a trip to Israel, go check out those charities. IF life happens, I'm betting your kids will do absolutely brilliantly.
Last edited by eliza61nyc; 11-08-2017 at 08:10 AM..
Our families has never had money to pass down. They've done alright and taken care of themselves and family members as needed, but legacies, trusts, estates and the like aren't words in the family vocabulary.
We've done better than our parents and grandparents at this point in time. The future may see that stay true or we may break even like everyone else before us.
If there is anything left, it will go to our son, who has no idea if we are living beyond our means or not. I hope he and his family get a pleasant surprise, money-wise, after we're gone.
People can absolutely leave their money to whatever or whomever they choose. I would work through a lawyer to be sure time, money and effort is not wasted on the will being contested. Perhaps family should be notified ahead of time but that might depend upon circumstances.
Personally my adult kids will get every penny. I have seen too many cases of divorce, job loss, illness, accidents, etc. that cause much destruction and strain on a family. If I can help my kids and their families in the future, I am happy to do so. All are competent, educated and level-headed.
I received an inheritance at an older age as my parents lived to ripe old ages and I appreciate it immensely as a cushion for retirement years. And, yes, I have enjoyed using some to treat or help out my family when I wanted to.
I have already been generous to certain charities. I have also seen much waste in administrative costs which is disturbing - for those my wallet is closed.
Everybody has different circumstances and opinions.
Our plan is that whatever is left will go to the kids. They are young adults today and do not know any details. They need to get established with their own careers and lives and not be thinking about an inheritance which honestly may or may not be much, depending on our longevity and health.
Should we find ourselves more than comfortable in retirement, I'd like to give some money while we are still alive, both to our kids and to charity.
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