KINDA DESPERATE: need some advice (moving, state, retired, friend)

[biscuitmom]

Originally Posted by ceiligrrl

Any one have some suggestions how to curb my spending therapy gene????? hints, self help websites???

You recognize you have a problem, you want to not have it anymore. That's the hard part and at least half the battle. The other half is putting on your big girl panties and kicking it to the curb.

You can do this.

[jerseyj]

You might be an "over giver", check it out-

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...u-over-giver-1

If so, you can deal with it!

[Mikala43]

You will end up having to reduce your expenses one way or another. If you don't stop now, you will waste the last of your money; if you DO stop now, you will have that money in savings. Your choice.

Find some other things that give you satisfaction, or maybe tie up the money in a CD that you can't touch for a year.

[meo92953]

It helps me that my money, nowhere near what you have, is in investments & it takes a week when I ask for funds for them to get to my bank so there is a cooling off period.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by meo92953

It helps me that my money, nowhere near what you have, is in investments & it takes a week when I ask for funds for them to get to my bank so there is a cooling off period.

good idea #1 ^^^

#2 = NO plastic / pretend / deferred spending

#3 = Strict Budget - if it is not on your MUST list for essential living, it will need to wait until you have a surplus.

#4 Accountability partner - Someone to hold you to your budget

#5 = new found quest to SAVE (set a goal to save rather than spend) Reward yourself (by not spending!)

[JohnnyLackland]

Originally Posted by ceiligrrl

HATE to sound like a complete whuss, or worse yet, totally undisciplined,.......................

oh ok, i admit it, i am, gotta admit, self control never was part of my lexicon....but:

i can't get away with the bad bad habit of just buying whatever the hell i feel like. i promise, no more mosquito nets for entire villages in Africa, no more goats or chickens or wells either, not going to send any more money to Haiti or Puerto Rico. No more St. Jude's hospital. no more USO and other charities i give in my dad's name because he did, I do not have the retirement income he had, he had a great pension, and i didn't. I'm not Gloria Vanderbuilt for goddess's sake!!!!!!

I'm on my last $97 grand, and truly can't waste it the way i just went thru $100 K the past 8 years.... ok, there was the scammer that bilked me outta a huge sum of money.... almost $50,000. sheesh, was i dumb or what, i just never thought this kid would have done this to me, he truly was the son i had just lost in Fallujah a few years prior, he called me "mama C", he knew all the right buttons to push and i never suspected a thing..... but can't make such an excuse for that other $50K..... i totally spent money i shouldn't have to try to save the world, i can't keep giving endlessly!!!!!

Any one have some suggestions how to curb my spending therapy gene????? hints, self help websites???

I swore I would live by a budget this year, and it's May and STILL have not added up all my monthly expenses v.s. my monthly income. gotta do it, will do it. promise. kinda had to get over this huge hump this month for my lifelong friend who i never bought a birthday card for.... awful of me, i know, but there were very good reasons.... but i had to make up for it, just had to.... so no more visa charging for the rest of the year. seriously, will do that.... and make that budget before June

but maybe a few of you hear your old habit now alive in me, and how did you conquer it??? thanks so much for your help, i still don't know how to answer people privately (heck, so many nice people have left way over 350 rep points and comments since i returned from long ago, 2012!!!! , and i haven't a clue how to do it back. everyone here has been so kind, so nice, so darn friendly and complementary. honest, I could send you all a gift card to your fave restaurant! SEE??? this is how i think!!!!!!

Ceiligrrl, you need to learn that others have to make it on their own. Your money is not their money. At the most, you should be giving to only one charity. And even then, only a small amount. Get yourself fixed before you even think about helping others monetarily.
Going out to lunch, I would pick up the check, thinking others would pay me back or treat the next one (waitresses and waiters are good for putting the bill on one check - easier for them). I have learned that most people, if they can get out of paying something, they will. Especially if you make it easy for them. The ones who go out of their way to square a lunch (very few) tend to be very responsible.
Ceiligrrl, I think you have an esteem problem. Like you, I tend towards a charitable nature. Once I connected the two, it was not hard for me to tell people no. The good ones will appreciate you and the bums will peel away.
Lots of good advice from the others. Listen to them and implement their suggestions. Join a support group. Use only one credit card. Put the purchase down and give it a week to see if you still want it. Right now, you should only be buying things you need until you learn how to better manage your affairs (not just your spending).
As to your budget, get a pencil, eraser and paper and start on it tonight. You will not get the finished version until after many changes, but you have to start it now. It is your CPR.
Also, get in the habit of watching, listening to money smart people. People like Mathjack, Galaxyhi, TheShadow, and others on this forum. It is not about like or dislike. The people on here know their stuff.
Good luck. You can do it.

[Nefret]

I've never had a problem living well below my means so I cannot comment on ways to change your behavior but will comment on charitable giving.

I only donate locally. Church, local food bank, agency working with homeless. etc. When I am tempted to donate to a national organization, I stop to remind myself how much goes for overhead.

Oh, one exception---I do donate to Red Cross after a major disaster.

[Dustyroad70]

I wish I had some good advise, but, your thinking seems totally foreign to me. I am pretty much a miser, I agonize over whatever spending I do and I regret doing it afterward. In general, if I spend a dime somewhere, I cut back a dime of spending somewhere else. Maybe you have plenty of money and you can afford to be the way you are, but, if not, you better wake up and smell reality. If one of my friends were telling your story to me, my, uncharitable, comment would be that you were a fool. I am a fool in so many ways so don't even worry about that. I am just trying to help you since you asked for help.

[yourown2feet]

Every day, even every hour,, and definitely every time you take out your credit cards or checkbook, remind yourself of how doggone awful it will be if you do blow through the rest of your retirement savings. You probably worked hard all your life to accumulate that money. $97K seems like a lot of money in one lump, but not when it has to last you through a possibly very long life.

My heart goes out to you for the death of your son. I can't imagine what a huge empty hole he must have left in your heart and soul. I would like to beat up that jerk who pretended to fill the role of a son in your life, but only wanted your wallet.

[Aredhel]

Originally Posted by ceiligrrl

i just want to help others, cause if i don't, i truly feel my soul with wither .....

So donate your time instead of your money. Charitable organizations are always looking for volunteers. Go help out at the food bank or the homeless shelter or the hospital, they'll be glad to have you there!