How easy (or hard) is it for new transplants to make friends in SF / East Bay? (Oakland: fit in, living in)

[NorCal Dude]

Very easy to make life-long friends in the bay area.

[baychic]

Originally Posted by greenmountainex-pat

We moved to SF from the east coast due to job relocation, and we find the people in SF very stand-offish, almost Aspergers'-ish. People are mostly young and single and very into their own little clique. The techies hang with the techies, the hipsters with the hipsters, etc. Even people at Church look right through you and there aren't the usual Church related events to bring people together. People are glued to their iPhones wherever they go, too, and even if you are out to dinner with people, they're paying more attention to their iPhones than to the people they're sitting with. People are very rude in this city, too. Everyone seems to be wrapped up in their own little world. They'll knock you over walking, or they'll walk three and four abreast down the sidewalk and basically shove you out into the street before one will step back and allow others to pass.

If we knew then what we know now, we'd have taken our chances with unemployment and never come here. East coast people are much friendlier, much nicer, much more polite. Weather only goes so far. I'd rather be with warm, friendly people in the middle of a blizzard than with icy, cold, selfish people on a sunny day.

I agree with you totally! I grew up in New England too Trying to get back there now.

[legal_eagle]

Baychic, since I'm a native Californian and have lived in SF for the past 25 years, I'm curious what the folks in New England are like compared to here ... can I trouble you to provide a brief description? Thanks.

[Davachka]

People complain everywhere that its hard to make friends, because, lets face it, as adults its not as easy as when we were kids to form new friendships for various reasons.

That said, the SF transplants that I know have huge social circles. As for people being friendly and saying hello, strangers smile and say hello to my daughter and I almost daily as we walk down the street, maybe its the neighborhood, maybe its energy, maybe its coincidence, but I wouldn't label SF as cold and unfriendly as that has not been our experience.

[nicagrace]

Ok, I didn't have time to read through all 6 pages of replies, so hopefully I'm not totally repeating someone else, but I think as a Midwesterner it is a bit of a culture shock to interact with people from the Bay Area. I'm originally from Illinois, and while my family moved here pretty early on, I'm still a pretty friendly person and so many of the people I randomly end up talking to are from the Midwest! They always tell me how people don't smile back or ignore them when they try to be friendly. I remember once I was on campus and this guy smiled and said hello as we crossed paths. I smiled and replied back, and later on he came up to me and we chatted. He said that I was the only person that day who had greeted him!

I have a friend who moved to San Rafael from Rhode Island 2 years ago and he said that he just went to bars and restaurants by himself so he could get to know people. I agree with an earlier poster who said that the further you get from SF, the friendlier people get. While it's most certainly not the Bay Area, I feel that places like Vacaville and Petaluma have some really friendly people. If you're into country music at all, check out Kodiak Jack's. People are super nice there!

You would probably have some luck looking up Meetup groups specifically for people who are new to the area. You'll probably end up befriending some people from those groups because they won't have established a core group of friends. If you're religious at all, a young adult group might be worth checking out. I know there are some pretty large groups in the city. I would totally join them if it wasn't such a hassle to get out there!

Also, if you're into dancing, like swing or salsa, etc, check out the classes offered around the area. You can meet a lot of people that way!

[rah]

Originally Posted by nicagrace

While it's most certainly not the Bay Area, I feel that places like Vacaville and Petaluma have some really friendly people.

Those are both in the Bay Area.

And making friends here shouldn't really be too different here than anywhere else. Most of the residents in SF are transplants anyways, so that shouldn't be too much of an obstacle for most people.

[JDL2007]

Originally Posted by greenmountainex-pat

Nonsense -- I lived in Chicago for years, in Paris for a year, I even lived in Hawaii for six months, and I still have friends from those areas.

People from SF are just rude and stand-offish compared to everywhere else I've lived. They're socially retarded. That they don't get that there's something wrong with four twenty-something young men walking slowly down a sidewalk, blocking the entire thing, pushing people flat up against buildings or out into the street, or forcing them to walk at a snail's pace behind them, just proves that there's something wrong with the people who are from here. Everyone else in every other city the world over GETS this. It's understood. It's common knowledge.

I don't expect it to be "easy", but I expect a basic level of genuine human interaction. People here seem almost less "human" than people from other areas of the world. They're just so...cold. Dead eyes. Appallingly self-absorbed. And EVERYONE we know here -- all east coasters from Philly and Boston and NY and DC -- say the same thing.

It's not us. It's you. Really.

Yeah! I am so glad I am not the only one who noticed this. I must say the people here are not friendly at all. I have been here a few times and that is the first thing I noticed. This time around it seems a bit better. But I am from Chicago.. and it is a very friendly city. People at least say good morning when you are walking a path or out for a run. They say thank you when you buy something at the store.. and this whole, run you right over thing is nuts! And dont even get me started on the expressway drivers here in your tiny lanes of traffic. The person taking tolls on the bay bridge dosent even look at you when you pay the toll. I will get use to it I suppose, but if you want friendly people go to Chicago.. midwestern hospitality-

[andyadhi01]

Originally Posted by JDL2007

The person taking tolls on the bay bridge dosent even look at you when you pay the toll.

They take tolls from thousands of people everyday non-stop. Why are you surprised if they appear a little grumpy. FYI, people who tend to chat at toll plaza, check out lines, park entrances or anywhere with a queue of people behind them are the most annoying people on planet.

One time I had this really sweet looking girl taking toll on Golden Gate bridge and she asked me how I was doing!!! I literally jumped out of my skin..... That's the first time I heard a toll collector talk... and she is also probably the hottest looking toll collector ever

[mayorhaggar]

Originally Posted by JDL2007

But I am from Chicago.. and it is a very friendly city. People at least say good morning when you are walking a path or out for a run. They say thank you when you buy something at the store..

lol, no they don't...something that always bugged me about Chicago was that when you'd go shopping or were buying tickets from some kind of booth, the people behind the counter would often barely acknowledge you and just grunt and shove whatever you were buying at you. Cashiers in the Bay Area are generally friendly and ask you what you need instead of acting like sourpusses. And people on the street don't treat one another any differently than in SF, it's a big city too, people don't really say hi to random strangers.

[HockeyMac18]

Originally Posted by mayorhaggar

lol, no they don't...something that always bugged me about Chicago was that when you'd go shopping or were buying tickets from some kind of booth, the people behind the counter would often barely acknowledge you and just grunt and shove whatever you were buying at you. Cashiers in the Bay Area are generally friendly and ask you what you need instead of acting like sourpusses. And people on the street don't treat one another any differently than in SF, it's a big city too, people don't really say hi to random strangers.

I wonder why there are so many varied opinions here...it seems like people either think that people are friendly here, or they're not...just on the previous page, you have someone claiming this area has the most friendly people in the world, and then the next person says people here are the most rude they've ever experienced...obviously, they both can't be true (???).

I personally feel like it's something in between. It's highly dependent on luck (did you happen to meet cool people right away?), where you live/spend most of your time, what kind of job you have, AND biases of how people "should" act based on wherever you're coming from (the whole "well, where we come from...we don't do it like that, blah blah").

I hope the OP realizes that this area is made up of 7 million+ people (MANY of which are transplants who are not from here, bringing with them whatever manors/personalities they have (me included!))...so, the people here are going to be a mix of these cultures/personalities. In such a diverse place, you need to be open-minded and realize you'll meet many different types of people. You'll meet plenty of A-holes; but you'll also meet plenty of great and amazing people...

I still think at the end of the day, it's not that different than anywhere else on the whole. There are plenty of people playing on their iphones while ignoring others (who are often right next to them) in east coast cities...trust me, I came from one and lived all of my life in the east (up until moving out here)! Many of my friends back east were/are addicted to their toys and are borderline-addicted to texting/facebook, sometimes even in lieu of face-to-face interaction. This behavior is most certainly not unique to the bay area!