Why do people look at you like you're crazy when you say "hello"? (Oakland: transplants, neighborhoods)

[Lockdev]

I'm originally from the south, where everyone says hello to everyone.

Some people here say hello back here, but most seem to start the scurry-away-from-you dance or just stare at you like you cussed out their mum or are about to rob them. You can literally see the fear in their eyes.

This is a serious question, but is there a high level of autism in the Bay Area?

Why are people just so unfriendly?

[jade408]

Most people say hi back to me. But yes, initiating a hello isn't part of the culture of CA.

[G Grasshopper]

I used to believe this. People don't speak to you on the sidewalk much, and I was thinking CA was pretty unfriendly. Then I moved to a southern state for 6 years. The people there were VERY friendly, but they really bought into the idea that CA was a state full of aloof, stuck-up people. I figured they were probably right. Then I came back to Marin County, where I had lived before moving away, for a 2 month vacation. Holy smokes! People were much more friendly than I remembered. I could make friends with folks in stores, on the sidewalks - anywhere - in minutes. I have now moved back to Marin County, and find it to be every bit as open and friendly as the southern state that I had lived in. I think it must have been the neighborhood I lived in before. I'm sure there are areas in the Bay Area that have a culture of people not speaking to each other. I wonder if this is common in a lot of big cities. To say that the WHOLE BAY AREA is fearful of interaction, or snooty, or just unfriendly is to me, obviously wrong. And no, the whole Bay Area is not on the autistic spectrum!

[Lockdev]

Originally Posted by G Grasshopper

I used to believe this. People don't speak to you on the sidewalk much, and I was thinking CA was pretty unfriendly. Then I moved to a southern state for 6 years. The people there were VERY friendly, but they really bought into the idea that CA was a state full of aloof, stuck-up people. I figured they were probably right. Then I came back to Marin County, where I had lived before moving away, for a 2 month vacation. Holy smokes! People were much more friendly than I remembered. I could make friends with folks in stores, on the sidewalks - anywhere - in minutes. I have now moved back to Marin County, and find it to be every bit as open and friendly as the southern state that I had lived in. I think it must have been the neighborhood I lived in before. I'm sure there are areas in the Bay Area that have a culture of people not speaking to each other. I wonder if this is common in a lot of big cities. To say that the WHOLE BAY AREA is fearful of interaction, or snooty, or just unfriendly is to me, obviously wrong. And no, the whole Bay Area is not on the autistic spectrum!

Good points.

I find Walnut Creek to be pretty friendly.

Lafayette/Moraga/Orinda on the other hard is different. It really feels like I'm living in a city full of oddballs that are from another planet. The social norms around here are very hard to understand.

[3rdGen SFan]

Originally Posted by jade408

Most people say hi back to me. But yes, initiating a hello isn't part of the culture of CA.

Greetings used to be common in the early 1990's and prior, at least in a lot of areas here in SF. The population was more friendly, sociable and eager to befriend each other back then. Most people in neighborhoods knew each other, welcomed new people, and we had neighborhood block parties.

Now most people here are cliquish, ignore many of their neighbors, bicker over public street parking spaces and suffer with paranoia or anxiety. People here are so strangely different these days, I often feel like I'm having a nightmare about living somewhere else or that our society is being replaced with hostile, human-look-alike beings from another planet.

It used to be ordinary for strangers to have conversations with each other, it wasn't considered weird. I used to meet a lot of people in public places, cafes, bus stops, events, etc by one of us initiating conversation. In the late 1990's, I began to get weird reactions from some strangers when I initiated conversations (women acted scared or mistook my talkative nature for sexual interest, and some people ignored me, might have thought I was crazy?). Those reactions were unusual & weird to me back then. I had to teach myself to avoid initiating conversations with strangers, if they aren't looking open to meeting strangers.

These days the people I find friendly and open to greetings & conversations with strangers tend to be homeless people, stoners, tourists and the now rare hipsters (not the new techsters) and hippie types. Aside from a couple of friendly, hippie-type neighbors, my neighborhood is full of a lot of cliquish, unfriendly people these days which is why I prefer going to other districts when I go out.

A lot of people complained about the hipsters prior to this neo-techster influx, but I found a lot of them to be very friendly people, unlike many of the neo-techster transplants who don't want to integrate. I use the term "neo-techster" to distinguish between the modern transplants in the computer tech industry and the ones of the first dot com era. Most of the earlier transplants were friendly, sociable people who integrated well into local society (many of people I befriended in the 1990's into the first decade of 2000 were transplanted techies).

[Lockdev]

Originally Posted by 3rdGen SFan

Greetings used to be common in the early 1990's and prior, at least in a lot of areas here in SF. The population was more friendly, sociable and eager to befriend each other back then. Most people in neighborhoods knew each other, welcomed new people, and we had neighborhood block parties.

Now most people here are cliquish, ignore many of their neighbors, bicker over public street parking spaces and suffer with paranoia or anxiety. People here are so strangely different these days, I often feel like I'm having a nightmare about living somewhere else or that our society is being replaced with hostile, human-look-alike beings from another planet.

Ok, glad to know I'm not the only one.

In the south, and in Michigan where I lived, a lot of what you described is still very common. Neighbors talk, new people are welcomed into the neighborhood, etc etc.

It seems around here the people are so competitive with everything, and that cultures are so vastly different, that the competitive attitude pours over into their view of the world and strangers. It really is a sad thing to see.

[jade408]

I don't find it the case at all. I live in Oakland, and people say hi often. I talk to my neighbors, people in stores etc. I have even made friends from conversations in line and in coffee shops. I am known for being exceptionally friendly. It's almost detrimental these days since I am bad with names. But I generally find most people aren't like me in this way.

SF is definitely less friendly than it used to be. I think it is all the east coast transplants that are part of the "Neo-techsters" as mentioned above. That seems to align with the types of coworkers I have that say hi and those that don't.

[Gentoo]

Originally Posted by jade408

I don't find it the case at all. I live in Oakland, and people say hi often. I talk to my neighbors, people in stores etc. I have even made friends from conversations in line and in coffee shops. I am known for being exceptionally friendly. It's almost detrimental these days since I am bad with names. But I generally find most people aren't like me in this way.

SF is definitely less friendly than it used to be. I think it is all the east coast transplants that are part of the "Neo-techsters" as mentioned above. That seems to align with the types of coworkers I have that say hi and those that don't.

Oakland has always been very friendly. More so than most places on the west coast where I have lived.

[daepro]

Having a dog and walking it regularly around the neighborhood helps in initiating friendships. I find it unusual for fellow dogwalkers to ignore each other when sharing the same path.

[mr bolo]

I noticed the races / ethnic groups dont intermingle much, everybody stays with their group

in smaller towns people tend to intermingle more with each other, even if they are not from the same ethnic group

the more crowded or bigger the city the more people only socialize with their own people / peer group.

If I were to say hello to another person and they found out I wasnt from their ethnic group they might not be so friendly or want to talk.