Anyone with kids who moved far away from family to live in Seattle? (Vancouver: credit card, daycare)

[CityGirl72]

You have no idea how HARD it is to have babies and small children without family! I would never have made it without having my MIL with us.

And when we moved far away - I brought her with us! No WAY I would have a baby without some sort of grandparent nearby. Your life without children is a whole different scenario.

I did move to Seattle away from my mom and although I did see her about twice a year, when I became a mom I wanted to see her more often and became closer to her. I'm so happy back in California - now I see her every month. And my kids, her grandkids can grow up and be excited to see Grandma

[CityGirl72]

Originally Posted by bisjoe

It may seem hard to be without family but with kids you will end up making a lot of local friends pretty quickly through school and other activities they get into.

I'd like to say - The Seattle freeze kept all those "friends" from happening - and I am very outgoing and social.

Plus kids aren't in school til age 6 and before then when your kids are babies and small it's VERY isolating

[CarawayDJ]

I dunno. I started a family in SoCal, and my wife's family is in Europe. My family is scattered throughout the southeast. No doubt having family around is better, but there are a gazillion people throughout the world who manage just fine without having family around...and some who don't manage well. That said, I'd love to have family around. Not because we need the help, but because I just love having family around.

Now, having no family AND no friends could get tough. However, if we move to Seattle, I'll be shocked if my wife doesn't meet any friends; even before school age. There are gyms, music classes, library activities, and a ton of other activities for parents/kids in any major city. Or maybe the fabled Seattle Freeze will take over our bodies and we'll become cold and unwelcoming. I think not.

[WestCoastDreamer]

The Seattle Freeze, which many people have mentioned here, exists in other cities as well. Everyone is afraid of each other these days. Tis sad.

[Seattlebound1]

Originally Posted by CityGirl72

You have no idea how HARD it is to have babies and small children without family! I would never have made it without having my MIL with us.

And when we moved far away - I brought her with us! No WAY I would have a baby without some sort of grandparent nearby. Your life without children is a whole different scenario.

I dunno. This seems a bit overblown. I have two young daughters--3 and 1--20 months apart. We've never use our parents/their grandparents to help us, much less babysit. We visit their grandparents and the grandparents give them presents and love the girls dearly but that's about the extent of it. Like another poster said, many people are perfectly fine raising their children without the help of extended family. I'd never rely on the rest of my family--not because they aren't great or are at all unreliable--just because my husband and I don't need the help.

[LisainCalifornia]

Originally Posted by Seattlebound1

I dunno. This seems a bit overblown. I have two young daughters--3 and 1--20 months apart. We've never use our parents/their grandparents to help us, much less babysit. We visit their grandparents and the grandparents give them presents and love the girls dearly but that's about the extent of it. Like another poster said, many people are perfectly fine raising their children without the help of extended family. I'd never rely on the rest of my family--not because they aren't great or are at all unreliable--just because my husband and I don't need the help.

I agree. We have 3 kids, and if anything--we are the support for our families, not the other way around. My MIL is a wonderful woman, but has never babysat for us. She likes to visit with the kids and loves them dearly, but we never used her for support or babysitting.

My mom and dad (my mom is now deceased, sadly) are great people. My mom had many health issues, so although I visited them once a week (or every other week)--it was more so they could see the kids and spend time with them. We would go to their place and I would clean up and cook while the kids played there with them, or they would come to our house (about 2 hours away from theirs) and I would make lunch for them and show them some love and time with the kids. This is something I did out of love and respect for them, not because they could help me with the kids. If anything, it takes a lot of work on my side, but obviously I keep that to myself.

The reason I was glad to live near my parents was because I could be there to support them. Last year when my mom was diagnosed with cancer I drove up to see them every weekend for the day, and I would lay with my mom in bed and keep her company. I am glad we didn't live across the country, but only a few hours drive each way.

My mother in law lives further (in Los Angeles), but it is a easy and relatively cheap plane flight. She has a very large extended family with lots of support and love, so we don't feel like we are leaving her without that. We are sure to visit 3 times a year, and also have her come up here for one visit a year.

I think the issue of leaving family is a complex one--and the answer varies family by family if it is the right choice. I told my husband I would never want to leave my parents because they basically were on their own, and needed us, and he agreed. They both grew up in the South and moved to California as a young married couple so that my dad could attend UCLA, and never left. It was hard for them because they had no family around, and that translated to me growing up and feeling a big responsibility (rightly so) to care for them and stay close to them for physical and emotional support.

So the decisions that you make to move far away not only effect you and your wife and kids, but also your extended family and children when they are grown. That is just something to consider.
Take care,
Lisa

[Emery'sMommy]

That's a tough one...Seattle is one of the cities I'd love to relocate to in 5-10 yrs from now but the distance from family is mind-boggling. We have 2 boys, 5 and 3 yrs old, and it has been so nice to have both our families here with us. When we want to go out to eat, on an overnight trip, or to a concert, our parents have been more than willing to "babysit". Now that my boys are older, I use my younger brother as a babysitter (he is paid). I can't imagine hiring a stranger to watch my kids...although I'm sure plenty of those without family do it.
At the same time being near family is TOUGH. There's expectations you feel like you have to meet, family drama, etc. that you are always in the midst of.

I feel like moving further away when the boys are late elementary/jr high age would be easier- unless of course they become really close to their grandparents/cousins.

However in your situation, moving before you even have kids may be a big advantage b/c you'll never have to tear your kids away from family. I grew up only seeing my grandparents once or twice a yr and we were still close.
If you get yourself settled and make some good friends that you trust, surely they will help you when it comes to babysitting, support, etc.

[texastrigirl]

We have pretty much raised both our boys without much family nearby. They are now 7 and 10, and it's gotten easier every year to not have family nearby to "help". We have formed babysitting co-ops in both places we lived with kids and are now enjoying our 4th year in one we formed with some of our youngest's preschool class he was in when he was 4. We even vacation together now and the kids have a fantastic bond even though they go to different schools and are getting older. Our co-op has become our Seattle family. In Texas, my neighbors were my family and we were theirs, as most of us were raising kids without family nearby. Literally, we lived the "it takes a village" mantra. When my oldest was one, my sister who did live nearby would babysit maybe once every 6-8 weeks but her life was very busy and her kids were much older, so really I didn't notice that she was there in a manner to help me. She needed just as much help but in different ways a working mom. I see my parents once a year, but that was the case even when I lived closer to them. They just don't enjoy traveling. Seattle is just an extra hour on the plane now and I have to say, they much prefer visiting us here than in TX I think. We see my inlaws a lot because they love to travel. My husband's father just moved here to be near us. We love having him around but it's not because he "helps" because really, it's more so we can help him in his later years. We do love the relationship he has formed with our kids because up until now, they weren't really close to him. Even though my parents and other inlaws are not local, our kids are still close to them and adore them.

We love living in Seattle and certainly it is wise to consider this issue if you think it will impede any adjustment needed to be happy in a location away from family. It's really a personal issue. We have made really good friends here and so that has made our life richer on many fronts, especially in raising kids together.

Good luck with your decision!

[marksind]

My wife and I moved to Tacoma in 1979 (for my new job) a month after graduation from college in Chicago and two weeks after getting married. We knew no one and had no relatives closer than Chicago. Within five years we'd had two children, which we've raised on our own. What we found is that it was very hard for both of us to work full-time jobs without external family support we could depend on, so we decided to be "poor but happy" on my income alone. Once the kids were in high school, my wife went back to work on a part-time basis.

More importantly, we realized that we pretty much had only each other to rely on. This has made us very close. We've never even had a serious argument. It certainly stresses a relationship to be raising a family with everyone else so distant. You'll definitely come to know each other better, and hopefully for the better.

We were moved by my company back east for seven years when the kids were in primary school, which gave us much more frequent time with parents, siblings and relatives. It was a wonderful time to be closer to everyone, and I hesitated to accept when my company moved us back to Seattle. Even now, with the kids being in their mid-20s, it is still hard sometimes to be so far away from everyone else. They consider Seattle home, as they were born here, did most of their schooling and university here, and have all their friends here. For my wife and I, even after all these years, it is harder to truly consider it home, simply due to the fact that both of our families are elsewhere. Everyone still expects us to come see them, and while we get occasional visits they all say how far it is to travel and that we should come east more often. I always point out that it's the same distance in either direction, but the burden is invariably on us, as we are the ones who moved away.

All in all, I'd do it again (I think), but I'd also be willing to move closer to everyone if the right opportunity arose. If you are close to your family, as each of us is, it is difficult being so far away. The chief benefit is how close it has made my wife and I. Our siblings have all had marital problems, while we've had none. Our kids have done quite well, but have on occasion expressed regret that they don't see their cousins more frequently.

[415_s2k]

Re: family...

My parents moved us from Seattle to the Northeast for school, then back to Seattle. Seven years later, we moved back Northeast. My mom is a Seattle native and her family was all in WA at the time; my grandparents from the Southern US had retired to Oregon in the 70's. My parents have settled in Massachusetts.

My parents have actually prospered quite a bit in the Northeast. Although I wouldn't say that it was because they were away from their families, it certainly wasn't a hinderance, and the sort of opportunities in my parents' fields are much greater in New England than the PNW.