Single mid-30's woman considering a move to Seattle (Federal Way: neighborhoods, buy)

[ninails]

Originally Posted by gingerdancer

Where are you moving from?

Morgan Hills, CA.

[sprackleor]

Originally Posted by Inkpoe

Winter. Daylight is basically 8:30 to 4:30. It's heavily clouded as well so there'd be days/weeks where you won't see that yellow orb thing in the sky.

For basically all of Dec and Jan it doesnt ever get any brighter outside than the darkest, gloomiest day in So Cal and its basically dark out on your way to work and dark when you get off. Its not dusk at 4:30, its night. And you can easily change the quote above to read weeks/months and still be accurate. The first time you experience the complete absence of sunlight (and not to mean no sunshine on your skin but no sunlight period) for months on end is somewhat of a novelty. After you have been through a few winters you realize why the suicide rate is so high up here. Then factor in the rain that comes down for days on end (ie 5 months with a total of 15 days of no rain isnt unheard of) in varying amounts and pretty soon you find yourself being isolated along with everyone else. Being a ginger I dont think you will have as much difficulty adjusting to this climate as most sun worshipers from So Cal. The upside to all of that gloom is by contrast it makes the 3 months of perfect weather seem even more perfect.

[pwright1]

I hate to say this but Sprackleor's post is the most over exaggarated bs including suicides I ever heard.

[sprackleor]

Sounds like you lead a pretty sheltered life if that's the most exaggerated thing you've ever heard. Which part did you feel was exaggerated? Oh you must be referring to the 3 months of perfect weather..haha ya it's more like 2 but I was being optimistic.

[usernametaken]

Dating scene:

http://www.king5.com/video?id=128423883&sec=548932

How do I embed that video? That site has the code when you click one of the hidden choices on the right, but when I paste that code here from the clipboard, it come in as a paragraph of jibberish.

http://www.king5.com/news/local/Sing....html#comments

[Jalhop]

From that article:

"It's not that they don't approach, they don't even look," says Justine Peshette. Instead, she says men in Seattle are too busy playing with their smart phones and chatting with their buddies.

So when we met Adam Bryson, we asked him: if you see an interesting woman, would you approach her?

"Uh, maybe," Adam said, but quick to point out it's not all his fault. "Women are less approachable in Seattle than other cities."

"Less approachable" is an understatement. It's almost a guarantee that if Adam approached Justine, she'd be annoyed. The OPer could get a jump on other single Seattle women just by being a bit flirty.

[Jalhop]

Originally Posted by gingerdancer

I wonder if a woman is girly, friendly and approachable, the men would warm up a bit.

Approachable generally won't work (see above; Seattle men gave up, except in bars) but the first two will help. Best you approach the men. After they fall off their chair in shock, they'd likely stop whatever they were doing and chat.

[mrsincredible]

I ran across this CNN article that differentiated between hipsters and nerds: Nerds and hipsters: The yin and yang of American subcultures – GeekOut - CNN.com Blogs

[vandygirl]

Originally Posted by Jalhop

Approachable generally won't work (see above; Seattle men gave up, except in bars) but the first two will help. Best you approach the men. After they fall off their chair in shock, they'd likely stop whatever they were doing and chat.

Seattle men can be pathetic when it comes to the chase. The other night I was out with a big group of friends on the dance floor. I could tell that a guy who was not a member of our group was attracted to me. He stared at me for most of the night while my friends and I were dancing. He said hello and I greeted him back and smiled. Then I left the group and stood by the bar.

In most other cities a guy who is interested in a woman will take the opportunity when she moves away from the group to get her number, but this guy stared at me from across the room and waited by the dance floor for me to walk back. As soon as I got back my friends were so excited that they all grabbed me and pulled me into the middle of the floor. Instead of coming over to our group the guy got discouraged and slowly walked away with his head hanging down.

Seattle men have no hunting instinct left.

[gingerdancer]

Originally Posted by vandygirl

Seattle men can be pathetic when it comes to the chase. The other night I was out with a big group of friends on the dance floor. I could tell that a guy who was not a member of our group was attracted to me. He stared at me for most of the night while my friends and I were dancing. He said hello and I greeted him back and smiled. Then I left the group and stood by the bar.

In most other cities a guy who is interested in a woman will take the opportunity when she moves away from the group to get her number, but this guy stared at me from across the room and waited by the dance floor for me to walk back. As soon as I got back my friends were so excited that they all grabbed me and pulled me into the middle of the floor. Instead of coming over to our group the guy got discouraged and slowly walked away with his head hanging down.

Seattle men have no hunting instinct left.

Vandygirl (and everyone else), it's funny because I actually had a similar complaint about my night here last night. I have been under the assumption over the last 3 or so years that this seems to be the general state of men out of college and under 40, and wondering if it is really about Seattle, or just men in 2011 - or perhaps the entire west coast???

*In general* I find here that college aged boys are very friendly, assertive and happy, almost like they haven't been jaded enough by life to hesitate to approach a woman (even an older woman, as I get more attention from cute 21-25 yr olds than I do men in their 30's, which would be more "age appropriate"). Older men (40'-50's) also seem to be quite confident in approaching women (so confident that they seem to regularly approach much younger women without hesitation). However, the 28-40 year old age bracket of men seem to be either unhappy, insecure, lazy, or arrogant - (I can't figure out which) and, in general, sort of stand on "the side lines" all night staring at women, smiling (if you're lucky), but either do not "approach" or don't "seal the deal" by asking for a phone number. And they don't have to be perfect 10's either, in fact most of them are not, but rather just normal-looking reasonably attractive men.

Take last night, for example.....I went to karaoke and met up with a guy friend. Plenty of men came up to me, complimented my song, were friendly, etc. However, the 2 men I noticed in their 30's sort of stood there and when i glanced over at them, they would be watching me. One was always watching and smiling. To be fair, I was technically sitting with another guy (friend), but I did move around. I even asked one of the guys if he was going to sing. After my guy friend left for the night, the female friend of the man I asked about singing, says "oh, you need to meet my friend so-and-so" - the same guy whom I had been exchanging glances with all night. She introduced him before even introducing herself or the other guy there, so it seemed like perhaps he had expressed interest. We ended up talking for about 1 1/2 hours, playing pool, he asked me a lot of questions. Sort of seemed flirty, would lean into me when talking, and I figured he was interested. He was not some gorgeous perfect 10 who gets women throwing themselves on him. He was a solid, reasonably attractive man, seemed classy and polite. (Amidst all this, some drunk guy was trying to pull me onto the dance floor and get me to give him my number, but I stayed with the guy I was playing pool with for the rest of the night.) Anyway, after all this, the bar closes and we all walk out, he motions for me to go ahead of him through the door like a gentleman. Their cab was waiting and he says "it was great meeting you," smiles, looks at me, waves...and that was it.

(he was from Chicago and, perhaps not so coincidentally, had lived in Seattle. lol)

This is not unusual. Men here of that age bracket either don't approach women, or might talk to them, but after talking all night do not ask for their number. Or they finally get up the nerve to ask, but then do not call. (why even ask? ) My girlfriend and I once talked to a guy for about 3 hours, who had offered to walk us to you car. We stood in the parking lot for hours chatting. No asking for a number or even suggesting we get together again.

After thinking about the whole "Seattle freeze" business, it occurred to me that I do not think the way the men act towards the women is much different than it is here. I don't think this phenomenon is a trademark of Seattle. Men here are very passive, like they are too "laid back" to act like a man. Having not lived in other states, I do not know if this is a country-wide epidemic. lol. I assumed it was more of a "beach city" problem, and feel like more cosmopolitan areas have more assertive types. However, Seattle may be by the water, but it isn't really a "beach town" like in SoCal.

Interested in other people's thoughts....and just to make sure I don't get disgruntled men responding with "why should men have to do all the work?", I am not referring to men not approaching women who seem uptight, aloof, angry, or clearly disinterested, as if it is his "job" to get her to open up. I am referring to men not approaching or pursuing friendly, confident women, who smile, perhaps say hi, walk past them, sit or stand near them, etc...(we all know how it works )

In general, the consensus here among women is that Southern California men tend to be "lazy" when it comes to dating. I think Seattleites may just have a different word for it and call it the "Freeze" but I think it may refer to the same phenomenon when it comes to interactions between men and women.

Do you all find that transplants from elsewhere exhibit the same "freeze" or "passivity" as the natives?

(To be clear, there are obviously exceptions and plenty of nice, polite, proactive, friendly men out there. This is only a generalization, not meant to offend any great men out there reading this. )