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LOL. Everyone wants to be pursued and I think that's a fair statement! And if you think women will just sit back and wait, then well, maybe that's just her. Like wise, if you're the type of guy that will never make a move, then well, that's the type of guy you are. Get it?
The point is that everyone's personality, views, and expectations are different. What's important is creating an opportunity for yourself and someone. Telling someone shy to just go to some Irish pub doesn't make sense. But I can see how you would advise a shy dude to do some sort of co-ed group hang out with his buddy. I'm sure amongst your friends, there will be those social butterflies which can bridge and create opportunities. THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT.
Every dating thread degenerates very quickly into "Seattle women are hideous, dress badly, have horrible personalities, and dumb. Seattle men are inept nerds." by the same people over and over. There is no limit to how many times can they repeat the same thing but in a slightly different way.
I never said all Seattle women are hideous or dress badly... I was wondering why some make so much effort to deface, destroy whatever natural gifts they had. I'm hardly demanding they make any effort. If they want to go to all the trouble to look more hideous than if they were did at all, it's their prerogative. But I'm not obliged to celebrate it. I was trying to understand why they do these extraordinary measures to look ugly. The best I can think of is they swallowed the propaganda that "beauty standards" are oppression of the patriarchy and thus they rightly crap all over these. Of course men have no right to any woman or any woman to behave in a particular way. Maybe this type of women is just pissed off about men and plain not interested in them or their attention. On the other hand if they do wish they got more attention like Ruth4Truth claims about so many lonely women, they need to show up, smile and not be afraid of eye contact.
All you dried up progressive good-thinkers are just Left-Coast cliches who chastise men for being lonely and clueless and how dare they want somebody attractive and agreeable in their lives. If men are supposed to put in effort to be successful and strong as well as attractive, agreeable, and charming, why is it so unfair that they desire the same traits? If the people in Seattle really think the way BatCat and others here do, no wonder there is such a toxic asocial climate here. It's my hope that correct good-thinkers looking to pick a fight over everything are not as common as I've experienced so far.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Transmition
The rules for dating in Seattle are simple, and the same as everywhere else. Go to the places where the kinds of people you want to date hang out. Talk to the people there. Don't get hung up about it if you don't get anywhere the first few times. Don't post on this forum about how much game you had in other cities several years ago and how it is the fault of the people here.
Your rules make sense. But I do go to the places where expect to meet people I think I might like. This is exactly the problem. It's not just dating but making genuine friends of any kind. Perhaps my mentality may just be incompatible with the "wavelength" in Seattle. I've been at it for more than a year and I've put in more extraordinary effort, but I'm sure I'm doing it wrong. Nevertheless I agree with you that it's unfair to compare my results in other places, countries and cultures because those were several years ago while I was younger and before the advent of ubiquitous "social" media. It's a different time, a different world and I'm a different guy. Back to the constructive advice. I'm not just here to whine; no point in that. I'm willing to try something different as skeptical and resigned I'm feeling about it.
But perhaps we should refocus our attention on the 24 year old single woman new to town. That was my whole point that she should find it easy and if she should easily find plenty of eager candidates to compete for her attention. Whether she finds any of these leftover dudes her taste is another question altogether. Leftovers is probably the most appropriate designation for many of the single women and men that Ruth4Truth and I are describing. I can go for weeks without encountering any single women. Most that I approach are already spoken for. Is it that the single ones just don't get my attention and aren't on my radar? Could be. I'm convinced that many of the single women in this market in particular are single for the same reason some houses sit on the market for a long time. The really interesting women are never single for long. The get snapped right up or they swing directly from one relationship to the next with no gap at all.
I was wondering why some make so much effort to deface, destroy whatever natural gifts they had. I'm hardly demanding they make any effort. If they want to go to all the trouble to look more hideous than if they were did at all, it's their prerogative. But I'm not obliged to celebrate it. I was trying to understand why they do these extraordinary measures to look ugly.
Let me ask you this, then:
Have you ever considered the idea that these women do not feel they are "defacing" themselves, "destroying natural gifts" or "going through trouble to look hideous", but rather might feel perfectly ok about the style with which they present themselves- as might the men that date, form relationships with, and marry these women?
All you dried up progressive good-thinkers are just Left-Coast cliches who chastise men for being lonely and clueless and how dare they want somebody attractive and agreeable in their lives. If men are supposed to put in effort to be successful and strong as well as attractive, agreeable, and charming, why is it so unfair that they desire the same traits? If the people in Seattle really think the way BatCat and others here do, no wonder there is such a toxic asocial climate here. It's my hope that correct good-thinkers looking to pick a fight over everything are not as common as I've experienced so far.
If it changes your opinion at all, I am myself a shy, rather introverted guy. Especially in my 20s, if took real effort for me to approach women, and quite a few years were spent being "lonely and clueless".
It's not that I lack sympathy and empathy for shy, lonely guys, or experience as one. Quite the opposite.
On any given day, just a small example, even though craigslist is not very esteemed as a venue to date from these days...there are approximately 20 to 35 ads from single women on any given day, and about 400 plus give or take, from men on any given day. All the dating sites I believe, are like this. A real dude fest. This stuff goes to lots of single lady's heads in Seattle. I cant blame them, I have talked to a few who were getting a couple hundred responses from men in just a few days. With numbers like that, living in Seattle for lots of ladies, is like living in a candy store. It is mostly about the demographics in Seattle. This is the main culprit as to why dating is so tough for single men in the area. Women get bombarded, and the well never runs dry for them in Seattle. It is most be like paradise to them. The men, on the other hand, have to sit back and wait, and hope, they will be selected from the pack. Loneliness is a common companion for many single men in Seattle, while women window shop and have a great time and are never lonely. There are exceptions of course, and I think the best way for men to succeed is to actually go out, and attend events, or meet ups, church, speed dating maybe, definitely can't sit at home and rely on the internet in Seattle.
Considering the loss of life in a town that I use to live in and was not far from where I grew up, I would just like to advocate we all stop fighting and just take a minute to give each other a hug.
This thread is a prime example of why there is so much violence and hatred, shootings, killings, suicide, depression, pill popping among the men and women of the Northwest and USA in general. The women in Seattle do have some major egos to contend with and many believe they have to prove themselves, but many of these same women will end up in the shrink's office and die alone. And, the many of these men who are constantly demanding a relationship and seeking out some fantasy and will also end up in this same shrink's office, be given love and happy pills.
Many of the guys are scared s**tless and hold in all their emotions and run to internet forums to vent about the unfortunate situation of our society and situation. I'm not saying I don't do my share of venting too. Maybe, I am just getting too old , but I find it to become more and more futile. Men here, will always vent out frustrations with women and the women will always denigrate the men and try to incriminate them as being all creepy imbeciles who don't live up to their stupid expectations.
After yesterday's shooting, I just not in the mood to get in pissing matches , blame games or get into more fueds about how bad, selfish, unfriendly, arrogant, stuck-up, etc people are.
At the end of the day, we are human beings and we forgot to love one another and our lack of love, both from male and female results in our broken society and the fact that nobody can sustain a long-lasting, meaningful and deep spiritual or conjugal bond. Everyone is too busy expecting to be pleased, served, fulfilled and doesn't want to take their part in pleasing , serving and fulfilling.
Both many of the men and women in Seattle will end up in the shrink's office and be given happy pills in the end. This has to stop. It's time we start appreciating each other's humanity and stop living in our stupid fantasies that will end us up alone, resentful, worried and possibly in expensive therapies and taking toxic synthetic substances that destroy our body, minds and souls.
Considering all the hatred I have seen lately, I would just like to offer a hug to anyone here.. Yes, hate me all you want, but I just sick of all the self-serving, anger and arrogance.. Let's all learn to be kinder to one another and stop feeding the fires of hatred and all the evils that come with it.
Last edited by RotseCherut; 10-02-2015 at 06:04 PM..
I never said all Seattle women are hideous or dress badly... I was wondering why some make so much effort to deface, destroy whatever natural gifts they had. I'm hardly demanding they make any effort. If they want to go to all the trouble to look more hideous than if they were did at all, it's their prerogative. But I'm not obliged to celebrate it. I was trying to understand why they do these extraordinary measures to look ugly. The best I can think of is they swallowed the propaganda that "beauty standards" are oppression of the patriarchy and thus they rightly crap all over these. Of course men have no right to any woman or any woman to behave in a particular way. Maybe this type of women is just pissed off about men and plain not interested in them or their attention. On the other hand if they do wish they got more attention like Ruth4Truth claims about so many lonely women, they need to show up, smile and not be afraid of eye contact.
All you dried up progressive good-thinkers are just Left-Coast cliches who chastise men for being lonely and clueless and how dare they want somebody attractive and agreeable in their lives. If men are supposed to put in effort to be successful and strong as well as attractive, agreeable, and charming, why is it so unfair that they desire the same traits? If the people in Seattle really think the way BatCat and others here do, no wonder there is such a toxic asocial climate here. It's my hope that correct good-thinkers looking to pick a fight over everything are not as common as I've experienced so far.
Your rules make sense. But I do go to the places where expect to meet people I think I might like. This is exactly the problem. It's not just dating but making genuine friends of any kind. Perhaps my mentality may just be incompatible with the "wavelength" in Seattle. I've been at it for more than a year and I've put in more extraordinary effort, but I'm sure I'm doing it wrong. Nevertheless I agree with you that it's unfair to compare my results in other places, countries and cultures because those were several years ago while I was younger and before the advent of ubiquitous "social" media. It's a different time, a different world and I'm a different guy. Back to the constructive advice. I'm not just here to whine; no point in that. I'm willing to try something different as skeptical and resigned I'm feeling about it.
You're probably incompatible with women in Seattle at large. A lot of men have no difficulty getting women in Seattle; if you're not one of them and finding that unacceptable, it's about time you moved away. Seattle has a strong, distinct culture that is not built for everyone.
You could also observe how other men find their women, and learn from those men. Don't look at those that fail and get depressed. Look at those that succeed and get inspired. Your kind of women are probably somewhere in the crowd, but you'd have to look for them. Maybe you've simply been in wrong places. Seattle is such a large city that there is something for everyone, and someone for everyone.
Well, not exactly. If you can't put up with the weather or with the general culture, there is only one thing you can do. Something thousands of men do every year.
Seattle isn't for you, and you aren't for Seattle.
It's fundamentally the same as everywhere on Earth: If you're attractive or rich, then you'll have an easy time finding women who fall in live with you; and if you're neither attractive nor rich, then you'll have trouble.
Even if your suggestions don't resonate with me, I've still been busy trying engage in my hobbies in a more social way. In the past year I've joined clubs, taken classes and gone on group excursions kayaking, paddling, cycling, mountain biking, snow shoeing, skiing, trail running, and hiking. Sure all of my hobbies are solitary pursuits, but I've still tried to "join" others to do them. The women who were unaccompanied have been a vanishing minority and almost without exception over the age of 50.
Some of the events and clubs had ZERO women participants. OK I understand that for some reason, cycling is may be more of a "men's" interest as much as horseback riding is favored by the women. But why is sailing something that the club has ZERO women? It may just be the case that men and women have different interests, and that I'll have to explore areas in order to go where the women are. But I'm skeptical. Even the dancing lessons I tried were a total sad sausage fest with more than 20 men and 8 women of which 4 were lesbians. I'm glad I have a sense of humor about it because it's pretty ridiculous. I don't even really like dancing that much and there are always guys there who are MUCH better dancers, with whom the ladies would rather be dancing.
I suspect that most single women in Seattle don't have to resort to such desperate measures such as joining a club to find charming company for their outdoor hobbies. They probably just get enough offers and invitations without making any active effort.
It sounds like you've made a lot of effort. Not sure why it hasn't paid off. As for sailing, idk--I've been involved in sailing clubs in Seattle, as have some of my gf's. Maybe it's cyclical? And some of those dancing lesson-scenes do have a good turnout of females. Keep tryiing.
I certainly wouldn't call joining clubs and activity groups a "desperate" measure. Of course women do that (yes, in Seattle!); that's exactly how a lot of women go about looking for a potential bf. Offers and invitations without making any effort? Dream on. Finding a potential SO is work for most people, male and female. Have you tried the singles hikes with the Mountaineers, or travel events at REI? Author lectures at bookstores like Eliott Bay Books? Cooking classes? (Usually female-dominated) Parks Dept. activities?
There's a difference between being "strong" and just "overbearing" or "controlling." A lot of women try to present themselves as the former, but are actually the latter. They act like they believe in "50/50" but really want "80/20."
A lot of men, consequently, think that because women want equal rights they aren't interested in being taken care of, wined and dined, or are somehow less than 50% responsible for their problems dating.
Gender roles today definitely are more "sandbox" like than before, and are often defined by the couple itself. I think people still tend to be a little more traditional in terms of how they behave in the very early stages of a relationship though. What I see is men need to be more aggressive, and women need to be less overbearing.
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