Seattle Social Advice

[PollyGlott]

Originally Posted by treuphax

Of course women will have standards and find some things more attractive than others. As bitter as many men are about high expectations and competition, pretty much all men will grudgingly admit that it's necessary for them to rise to women's standards, no matter how high they are and put in an effort to be physically attractive, stylish, charming as well as professionally and socially successful.

On the other hand when men express their own preferences they are monsters and get called "judgmental" because they also like women who are physically attractive and charming... even if they are quite a bit less demanding on the criteria social status and professional success. Both women and men will turn up their noses at candidates perceived as unworthy. But I hardly ever hear sincere objections when women say they like tall fit guys. On the other hand men who express the same preferences for fit women get criticized for "unhealthy" fat-shaming. However serious the anorexia problem may be, from whatever I can see the obesity epidemic is clearly a much bigger problem touching both men and women. Finally when men put in an effort to be appealing to women, they are glad to do it, but very often women see it as a violation of the sisterhood to try to put in an effort to be pleasing to men. Ever since I've been in Seattle, I had occasionally politely told a couple of women that they looked nice, stylish and well put together. I wasn't really even trying to come on to them... yet... so the creep alarm in a normal human shouldn't have gone off. Nevertheless the brittle hypersensitive souls snapped that they certainly weren't trying to do anything for my sake and my pleasure was accidental and unwelcome. Whatever happened to being polite and graciously accepting a harmless compliment? If the darlings had just briefly responded. "Oh thank you." The conversation would have been over and everybody could have gotten on with life.

Somehow we've gotten into a sad place where SJWs try to assert some absurd claim of power based on being offended no matter how innocent and in good-faith the behavior might have been. As far as I can tell the atmosphere has been so poisoned that I'm certainly not alone in not even trying any more. I'm probably not the only one burned out about it. In the spirit of "nonjudgmentalism" and "nondiscrimination" where we are not even allowed to notice differences in external appearances or express any preferences with respect to them. Attraction must be ironic or random; I guess we are supposed to be open to falling in love with specimens of any form or behavior. Should we be open to mating with the old, fat, feeble and deformed? We might as well also be open to mating with goats, trees or toasters.

Did Santa leave lumps of coal in your stocking?
Bah Humbug to you for posting something so negative on Christmas morning!!!

[treuphax]

Originally Posted by PollyGlott

Did Santa leave lumps of coal in your stocking?
Bah Humbug to you for posting something so negative on Christmas morning!!!

Yeah that was funny.

I wrote it a few days ago and my browser crashed so I never posted it then.
Today when I relaunched the browser and reopened the aborted session, there it was...
Just a little elfin' good magic that I could share with all you nice folks.

What better from a Christmas Curmudgeon?

[BATCAT]

Originally Posted by treuphax

Of course women will have standards and find some things more attractive than others. As bitter as many men are about high expectations and competition, pretty much all men will grudgingly admit that it's necessary for them to rise to women's standards, no matter how high they are and put in an effort to be physically attractive, stylish, charming as well as professionally and socially successful.

On the other hand when men express their own preferences they are monsters and get called "judgmental" because they also like women who are physically attractive and charming... even if they are quite a bit less demanding on the criteria social status and professional success. Both women and men will turn up their noses at candidates perceived as unworthy. But I hardly ever hear sincere objections when women say they like tall fit guys. On the other hand men who express the same preferences for fit women get criticized for "unhealthy" fat-shaming. However serious the anorexia problem may be, from whatever I can see the obesity epidemic is clearly a much bigger problem touching both men and women. Finally when men put in an effort to be appealing to women, they are glad to do it, but very often women see it as a violation of the sisterhood to try to put in an effort to be pleasing to men. Ever since I've been in Seattle, I had occasionally politely told a couple of women that they looked nice, stylish and well put together. I wasn't really even trying to come on to them... yet... so the creep alarm in a normal human shouldn't have gone off. Nevertheless the brittle hypersensitive souls snapped that they certainly weren't trying to do anything for my sake and my pleasure was accidental and unwelcome. Whatever happened to being polite and graciously accepting a harmless compliment? If the darlings had just briefly responded. "Oh thank you." The conversation would have been over and everybody could have gotten on with life.

Somehow we've gotten into a sad place where SJWs try to assert some absurd claim of power based on being offended no matter how innocent and in good-faith the behavior might have been. As far as I can tell the atmosphere has been so poisoned that I'm certainly not alone in not even trying any more. I'm probably not the only one burned out about it. In the spirit of "nonjudgmentalism" and "nondiscrimination" where we are not even allowed to notice differences in external appearances or express any preferences with respect to them. Attraction must be ironic or random; I guess we are supposed to be open to falling in love with specimens of any form or behavior. Should we be open to mating with the old, fat, feeble and deformed? We might as well also be open to mating with goats, trees or toasters.

Not everyone can make the leap from an anecdote about their behaveior being off-putting to some women on the street to "mating with toasters" in two paragraphs. I'll give you that I guess.

[Florian1980]

For what it's worth, I was just in DC and ATL for a couple of days.
It was really a huge difference (especially ATL; DC not so much). Tons of attractive women... And people in general were super-nice. I had more conversations with strangers in my 3 days in ATL than in almost 10 years in SEA (no kidding).
Women there actually are happy when you approach them, and often initiate eye contact/smile at you. And they clearly outnumber men. It's amazing what that does to your confidence (which in turn makes it even easier to approach them). Women in SEA often complain that men here are lame (which is mostly true); but I think the problem is, when you're in a sea of dudes, even the most confident and most attractive men easily become insecure and lose their confidence (it's kind of a subconscious thing; just happens when you don't get enough positive reaction from females). Which makes them unattractive to women. Becomes a vicious cycle, almost. At least that's how I feel about it...

[treuphax]

Originally Posted by 87112

Sir, that is a terrible thing to say about people. People are not born with perfection and some have challenges, that does not make them unlovable.

I wish the folks around here could find the same spirit of compassion for the lonely fellas who spill their hearts around here. Nobody is entitled to love, man or woman. But if they have the will and patience to earn it, why would we deny sharing our experience to help them find their way?

[RotseCherut]

Good post, Fleeing Seattle.. Very well articulated and I definitely agree with your consensus on the mindsets of both the women and men in Seattle. Women in Seattle are good for one night stands, but not really dating or long term material. The men are in general pansies and terrified to make friends with another man, as they think a heterosexual male bonded friendship means you need to pass some type of sacred rites in order to be proven worthy of such a profound honor. I've found that men who seem to friendly to me at first also tend to be gay in this city. Sadly, however, many times I met just a lonely guy being friendly and had no intentions. However, now there is a nature of mistrust and I can see it from both sides. As much as I hate to say it, there is also a major element of homophobia in Seattle that people pretend doesn't exist. Ironically, it is stemmed from Seattle's very open nature to "gay people". But a lot of guys are confused to as to whether this is legitimate friendship. People in Seattle are just paranoid of people's intentions and think people are trying to deceive or manipulate them in some way.

It is a shy, polite, introverted, fearful and robotic type of society that just seems to be overly mechanical and not organic in its operation and mindset. You fear if you try to shift the pistons and gears out of alignment the entire machine may malfunction or self-destruct.


Anyway, considering how very male of a city Seattle is, cold approaching women during the day is your only real means of hooking up, outside of the online dating realm. These organized social groups do cater to the very Beta-element of men and women generally look at men at these groups with disdain, because they are too "easy and boring". Also, the women put themselves on a pedestal in these groups, being so "desired" and will generally turn these type of groups into business meetings and establish a professional relationship with group members. This goes against what you want , if your goal is to hook up, you want the interaction to be of a romantic, sensual or sexual type of nature and not to turned into her little beta male contemporary. In a city plagued with dullness, workaholism and chronic boredom, you need to be that adventurous guy who breaks away from the mold. Seattle women do not go out and about the town to meet men, but rather do everything in little cliquey groups of females. At night time, most men will be assumed to be predators and no woman will want to interact.

Bellingham would be a better option for hooking up with hot young college aged girls. You say way more girls at bars, coffeeshops and just around town than in Seattle.

I am always boggled how after the sun goes down, how the city seems to become void of the female gender. It becomes a bro-fest.

I could go on and on, but the topic is starting to bore me.. As far as Seattle women only dating very attractive men, I don't buy it. I am amazed at how sloppy, out of shape and repulsive many guys will look here. Wearing a red Star Wars jacket with sweat pants is considered sexy here. Also, every guy here either has a pot belly or looks like he never picked up a dumbbell in his life..

A town with much more attractive men would be Boise, but I also found the women were also more attractive. Both the women and men in that town were in better physical shape and had the same Scandinavianish gene pool. The women in Boise are also considerably more friendly, open and sweeter natured. However, since Boise is such a religious area, most of women are married not long after high school and got a litter of kids. The few single ones, are friendly, but "BAD" girls.. Bad girls can be fun, but not the "Relationship" material people talk about.

[BATCAT]

Originally Posted by RotseCherut

I could go on and on...

That much, we've learned.

[RotseCherut]

Originally Posted by BATCAT

Ha, that's funny- I remember finally visiting NYC any expecting a bunch of tough, rude people based on people repeating that stereotype. Instead a found the vast majority of people to be SO NICE, and most welcoming. It was a little faster-paced and maybe there were fewer pleasantries, but still... such a friendly place.

You haven't met my scary Brooklyn grandmother. You would change your view of NYC forever if you met her..