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If it's important to your physical and mental health, then why wouldn't you? Anyone who cares about you will understand and want you to be happy. They may be upset at first (after all, change is scary), but once they get used to the new situation everyone will adjust and get used to it. I'm sure that once they see that you are happier in the new location, they'll be excited for you.
Sometimes I think that when people get bitter about the idea of someone moving to a new location to find happiness it is a result of some feelings of jealousy that you had the courage to move and change things for the better. So many people feel that they are stuck in their location, due to the uncertainty that comes with relocating to a new location (not knowing anyone, finding a new job, etc). Others just know that they will miss seeing you every day/week. But they'll all adjust and before you know it they'll begin to look forward to your next visit or their next vacation.
I say go for it. Life's to short to be unhappy. With technology these days, traveling long distances is quick and easy and staying in touch is not a problem with cell phones and video chat. You've dedicated your life to your children and they are very lucky to have you as a mother. It sounds like you have done a great job raising them, imparting your wisdom and guiding them toward success. It's time for you to think about yourself, you deserve it. If they're as great of children as they sound, they'll understand and support you 100%.
I wish you the happiness you deserve.
Thank you so much. I so appreciate your words of encouragement.
I totally understand what you are feeling here. I have spent the majority of my life in one area on Massachusetts. I spent 4 years in Texas at one point and then returned when we had a child.
We thought that it would make a huge difference having family and friends around. In 4 years we have had the parents watch our daughter under 10 times.. so a little over 2 times a year. We have had maybe 5 nights out in that time, and only 2 overnights.
The price I have paid to come back is almost constant unhappiness. I went from a 2200 sq ft house that I had bought new to a small, run down 900sq ft duplex apartment, for the same monthly bills. I would give anything to have the horrible summer heat in order to not have the soul crushing cold months.
Now not everything was roses in Texas, but we badly miss the south and are working on our next move for the next year. I have also chosen South Carolina as the destination. We are getting a lot of push back from our families, mostly using our child against.
In general what we learned coming back is that 75% of our extended family and 90% of our friends had just simply moved on when we moved away. The ones that didn't are the same ones that visited us in Texas. I guess it was good to identify who was really a part of our lives, and who was there for convenience.
Life is short, its important to be happy or else you will make your life shorter with sickness. You cannot live your life based on what other's think, because the vast majority of people are naturally selfish, especially in New England.
Boy, you sure are in the same boat as I am. I live in northern VT and our winters last forever. My family and I are very close (just found out today my nephew and his new wife are having a baby-the first great grandchild for my folks.) But, even though my brother lives about 20 minutes away, we still only get together on a birthday/holiday (not even getting together for East this year), a rare cookout etc. I know my older kids are used to dropping in whenever, but they are grown and have their own homes/careers etc. My daughter is stressed because she and her boyfriend can't come to Easter dinner at either our home or his folks place because the mother to their little boy is being difficult about letting them get him (even though my daughter's boyfriend has full custody and full parental rights) on her "day." I told her she has to do what is best for her little family. They come first, we all come second and not to stress about us. We will get together another time. My brother and his wife will have Easter with their son and his wife, normally they would come to my house. Times change and you've got to be somewhat flexible or you will be miserable.
I literally get butterflies in my stomach with excitement when I think of moving to SC and meeting new people, learning new customs etc. The no terrible winter is too good to be true.
It really sucks when they try to use your kids against you and how they will never see them. People live away from family all.the.time. and they all survive. They will just appreciate you more when you do see each other. I'm willing to let my 12 yr old fly back and visit during vacations etc. Or even to drive home. It's a 17 hour drive so that's not impossible (I would bring my dogs back with me so I wouldn't fly.)
I wish you great luck in your future move. I really hope your family understands and supports you.
I just wanted to add more encouragement regarding your decision to move where you stand a better chance of feeling better. I could not agree more with what Scottamemnon said: "Life is short, its important to be happy or else you will make your life shorter with sickness. You cannot live your life based on what other's think, because the vast majority of people are naturally selfish..." I wonder why it's "selfish" of the one leaving and not selfish of those who want them to stay for their own reasons, not even considering that your health and wellbeing are at stake, so think about that.
I myself left my 2 adult children and only baby graddaughter in FL in 2010 for a number of reasons which included my health and even though I've not regained it entirely I know I would've only continued to go downhill because I had more stress down there. My children didn't really object because I'd made it clear 6 years earlier that I wanted to live on my own, I'd been a single mom for most of their lives and sacrificed a lot for their sake, and felt overwhelmed with stress most of that time due to also suffering from depression. Ironically, part of my reasons to move to S. FL (from DE in '97) had been the climate but I found that during the rainy months and because of the long months of heat I was really not much better off, probably in part because I had to face a new problem: mold, which affected my health. I've had to deal with it in the apt. where I'm living now but it hasn't been as bad.
Anyway, the only thing I regretted was missing out on watching my grandbaby grow up but my BFF who knows me and my life very well reminded me that when I was still there I could hardly see my son and only got to see her ONCE during the months I had left there because I had to practically ask for permission to be able to go see her because of his g/f (who is now his wife). Then, on my one and only visit back there for just a few days I could only see her also ONCE due to all the drama generated by my son's wife, so while I may have been able to see her more than I have if I'd stayed, that would've probably come at a high cost, plus it would've been more frustrating to be close and not get too see her as often as I'd like. So, considering that, I know I did the right thing by moving to SC, I have had wonderful new experiences, seen quite a few beautiful places, met more people than I did during all my time in S. FL, and feel happier overall because I have the best of both worlds: milder winters than in DE and a shorter summer than in FL. So I really cannot say that I regret my decision after all. In any case, my son just got a job in Atlanta, GA so soon they'll be closer to me and since my G-d is now 7 I'll be able to have her stay with me when she's on school break and such.
Tell your oldest son that if he's going to miss his little brother so much he can have him stay with him over Christmas break or part of summer vacation. It's now very easy for him to guilt-trip you when he's having the easy end of things, maybe having to be responsible for him for a while will bring him back to reality. Besides, on the era of computers/fast internet and smart phones, they can chat, text or talk whenever they want, so what's the big deal anyway???
I just wanted to add more encouragement regarding your decision to move where you stand a better chance of feeling better. I could not agree more with what Scottamemnon said: "Life is short, its important to be happy or else you will make your life shorter with sickness. You cannot live your life based on what other's think, because the vast majority of people are naturally selfish..." I wonder why it's "selfish" of the one leaving and not selfish of those who want them to stay for their own reasons, not even considering that your health and wellbeing are at stake, so think about that.
I myself left my 2 adult children and only baby graddaughter in FL in 2010 for a number of reasons which included my health and even though I've not regained it entirely I know I would've only continued to go downhill because I had more stress down there. My children didn't really object because I'd made it clear 6 years earlier that I wanted to live on my own, I'd been a single mom for most of their lives and sacrificed a lot for their sake, and felt overwhelmed with stress most of that time due to also suffering from depression. Ironically, part of my reasons to move to S. FL (from DE in '97) had been the climate but I found that during the rainy months and because of the long months of heat I was really not much better off, probably in part because I had to face a new problem: mold, which affected my health. I've had to deal with it in the apt. where I'm living now but it hasn't been as bad.
Anyway, the only thing I regretted was missing out on watching my grandbaby grow up but my BFF who knows me and my life very well reminded me that when I was still there I could hardly see my son and only got to see her ONCE during the months I had left there because I had to practically ask for permission to be able to go see her because of his g/f (who is now his wife). Then, on my one and only visit back there for just a few days I could only see her also ONCE due to all the drama generated by my son's wife, so while I may have been able to see her more than I have if I'd stayed, that would've probably come at a high cost, plus it would've been more frustrating to be close and not get too see her as often as I'd like. So, considering that, I know I did the right thing by moving to SC, I have had wonderful new experiences, seen quite a few beautiful places, met more people than I did during all my time in S. FL, and feel happier overall because I have the best of both worlds: milder winters than in DE and a shorter summer than in FL. So I really cannot say that I regret my decision after all. In any case, my son just got a job in Atlanta, GA so soon they'll be closer to me and since my G-d is now 7 I'll be able to have her stay with me when she's on school break and such.
Tell your oldest son that if he's going to miss his little brother so much he can have him stay with him over Christmas break or part of summer vacation. It's now very easy for him to guilt-trip you when he's having the easy end of things, maybe having to be responsible for him for a while will bring him back to reality. Besides, on the era of computers/fast internet and smart phones, they can chat, text or talk whenever they want, so what's the big deal anyway???
Thank you. It's a difficult decision but I've been wanting to move for several yrs now. Not long ago, my husband and I had a serious talk with my grown children about if something happened to us, where would their younger brother go to live etc. They both chimed in and said they wanted him to live with them. We are all very close and I know if I allowed it (which I won't ) both of my older kids would let my youngest live with them in a heartbeat. Considering my youngest doesn't share the same father (thank God) than my two oldest there was never any doubt that he was their brother, not 1/2 brother. My husband raised them since they were 5 and 2 yrs old.
They will get used to it and it really isn't that dar away. A 17 hour road trip. No biggie. Lol
YW! Glad you're older children would like to have your youngest son with them but it's one thing to want to do it and another to really be doing it. In any case, it's good that you've made up your mind, everyone will get used to the changes eventually and when they visit they'll be happy for you. My best wishes to you, it's going to be a great and wonderful adventure I'm sure.
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