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CNN had the mayor from Porterville, CA clarify what he meant by saying that people who are victims of bullying need to grow a pair. Although I think what he said is insensitive, it made national news and stirred up another conversation about how we need to deal with bullying in our schools. Since bullying is a major topic and problem in our schools, it still continues to happen with little or no consequences on the one doing the bullying. What we are tragically seeing is that some students who are or were victims of bullying retaliating against their bullies by shooting their bullies and up their schools.
One person on the CNN panel thinks that we are raising a generation of wimps. While another person on the CNN panel feels that fighting back bullies with violence isn't appropriate either. As one who feels that if a student is being bullied, has told his or her teacher, administrator, and parent, and the bullying continues to happen, fighting back may be justified if the bullying instantly stops. But what are your thoughts on fighting back? Is it ever justified or should a student approach it with non-violence no matter what?
Morals aside, a victim standing up for themselves is extremely empowering. The helplessness and dependency fostered waiting on a teacher or administration to respond can crush a kid's self and create a doormat.
I know because I was that kid.
It was always funny how blind eyes only see once the victim finds that last scrap of self-worth and defends him/herself. Then punishments are meted out to both.
Of course it is. It's what people have to do actually.
My son was being picked on in elementary school once and he was the stereotypical "gentle giant". I told him if it happened again and the kid put his hands on him, to just shove him as hard as he could. I didn't say punch, slap, kick, hit, or beat up. I said shove. That's all it took in his case. The kid saw my sons strength.
Unfortunately some bullies are not that easy to deal with.
I can only speak of my own experience as an adolescent. I remember distinctly several situations where I was bullied. There were others, but these two stick with me still, almost fifty years after they happened. This was in the mid to late 60s.
One happened on my paper route, (back in the days when boys were able to deliver the afternoon newspapers throughout the neighborhood). At one house, (not a customer), the older kids would always bully me. Finally, after months and months of this going on, I had enough and stood up for myself. Only then did they leave me alone. They never bothered me again for as long as I had that paper route. (Can't remember exactly how I stood up to them. Maybe I challenged them to a fight? I do know that I never was in a fistfight as an adolescent or teen.)
The other that I remember was during the ninth grade in junior high school. One kid really started picking on me, for who knows why. All kinds of what I then thought were awful things. Finally, one day during lunch, he started picking on me yet again at the top of the amphitheater stairs. He had pushed beyond my limits that day and I grabbed his arm, swung him around in a half circle and down the amphitheater stairs. Never bothered me again.
From my own experiences, I believe that bullies will continue picking on others until those being bullied stick up for themselves. Without knowing exactly what the mayor said, I tend to agree with him. The bullying against me continued until I 'grew a pair'. Only then was I left alone.
The problem is not everyone is mentally or physically equipped to fight back. It could also lead to firer retaliation and escalation, especially if you are being bullied by a gang or gang member.
Yes. Always. Anyone who says otherwise has obviously never been on the receiving end of it. Speaking from personal experience sometimes it is only one fight that stops 90% of it. Dealt with bullies for years, finally had enough and fought back, after that there was only a few people left that continued, and they were the ones who were against everyone and everyone was against so there wasn't any changing them.
Sometimes avoiding the bully can not be done and they just ask for it and keep pushing and testing the limits of those they enjoy intimidating. Thus begins the behavioral education for the malevolent amongst us. Actions have consequences and sometimes they are not what they expect.
An illustration (Note: Language for those easily offended)
The problem in most school age bullying / violence is the administrative unilateral application of expulsion to both parties. If you're not going to remove obvious troublemakers / distractors who aren't there with a mindset to learn and not let someone defend themselves from physical harm by fighting back, you've already crippled those in the abusive situation and the educational environment.
I don't condone violence nor do I glorify it but at times it is necessary - that's life. Coolhand68 makes an apt point on the scale of reprisal based on the environment you are in. If it is gangs you enter a different dynamic but this again is mostly administrative and law enforcement related in not securing the environment.
Last edited by ciceropolo; 05-20-2014 at 10:33 PM..
Reason: addiitonal content
Morals aside, a victim standing up for themselves is extremely empowering. The helplessness and dependency fostered waiting on a teacher or administration to respond can crush a kid's self and create a doormat.
I know because I was that kid.
It was always funny how blind eyes only see once the victim finds that last scrap of self-worth and defends him/herself. Then punishments are meted out to both.
I agree with you, and what gets me is how people don't want to see that fighting back may be the victims only option from being killed.
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