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I'm a student teacher and have finally made it to my clinical practice. The problem is I have Asperger's Disorder and I feel faculty at the college or at the school are always on my ass and it is only the 3rd week. I'm teaching 8th grade science for the semester.
It's not just that, but I've worked in food, sales, and hotels in the past (I'm 27 now) and never have I felt so much fear and anxiety over the consequences of saying or doing the wrong thing before. I've put my foot in my mouth a lot of times in the past when it was completely unintentional, and I just feel it is putting too much wear on me to have to worry about it all the time.
Now, for the reasons I want to be a teacher, is that I work really well with kids and communicate very well with them. I get a lot of emotional rewards from it, and I felt that being a counselor for summer camp was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I work well independently, which is essential to be a teacher.
However, I've already been pretty much called out simply for some of the students considering me their friend being warned that I'll turn on them later. I mentioned in a small group of students after one girl talked about being gay and the bullying that I was 24 before coming out of the closet, and was warned that students would use that against me. I also observed my cooperating teacher being affectionate with children quite a bit, but her excuse was that she is older and a woman, so that is okay, but people will find it threatening if I do it because I'm a man. Personally, my physical contact with the children has been very limited. I haven't even hugged any of them and barely made any more contact than patting them on the back which I consider relatively safe touching. It's not so much that the behavior was called out, it is that her reasoning for doing so was sexist. I know people say there is prejudice out there, but my therapist would tell you that trying to get through to me as far as changing my behavior to dance around people's prejudice is pretty much wasting your breath. I've actually wondered if I needed to go as far as contacting the state teachers association and asking for legal advice for discrimination based on gender, because the feedback I found to be not related to teaching and not very appropriate. Now, this teacher I know already and I don't feel she was trying to be sexist, she was just saying there is a double standard out there I have to be careful of. I just feel that if you're using the cooperating teacher as a mentor and emulating them, they should have more of a reason other than "I'm a woman" as a reason to tell you not to do something.
So, I just really don't know. It's not the work or being professional that I have a problem with, it is the fear and stress that comes with working with minors and I'm just kind of tired people making huge issues out of what's not really important or a big deal.
My first real major where I went any distance in college was elementary education (K – 8th I think). Times have changed dramatically since that time when appropriate
touching (like hugging) was allowed. I liked it because as a kid with a hearing problem that was and still is misunderstood. Fortunately for me, the hugging by teachers (it was genuine my grades were spiking up for an unknown reason. But the teachers found out and were thrilled and my accepting friends got me through elementary school. These days, whether you are male or female, any touch can and likely will be misinterpreted and exaggerated. You’re the role model and must remain that way.
I have a friend whose husband has Aspergers and it’s obvious. I’ve learned enough about it to understand the difficulties on different levels. I’m assuming you’re a high-functioning Aspergers? I hope I’m saying that correctly. I know a husband of a friend of mine who recently retired from being a college professor. He wrote a number of papers and he’s known in his field. John is not capable of doing things on his own like getting to doctor appointments (he doesn’t drive) but his work was commendable and he has published papers on his forte.
Times have changed and you also volunteered you are gay. Me, too, but it’s inappropriate (and has no bearing) on what you do now unless you can tell me something different. Being gay or lesbian is more accepted but it can still get you into a vat of issues if you’re not careful with children. There is a double standard in so many different ways and I saw that in my life living through my career - information technology. It’s not just in the teaching profession.
Life is about ostensibly stupid issues becoming major issues. I see that in front of me throughout this forum. You are obviously being careful. I like your sensitivity towards the children. You do care and you’re aware.
As to whether you’ll receive help from above due to the double standards is very iffy. All I can suggest is if you go up and have it addressed be prepared for what may occur. It, too, may not be fair and the power is with those for whom you work.
Best of luck to you as you continue to discover yourself and your strengths. Just be careful about how much personal information you share with anyone.
Most of the issues of whether or not my homosexuality comes into play are related to when I'm asked if I have a girlfriend or not. My college professor said if she got that question even as a straight woman she would ask what it has to do with the content or her job as their teacher. If someone asks if you're gay and you say that you're not going to discuss it, that pretty much puts you in a hole because now they are going to be talking about it. It's possible for one to lie, but I never lie about anything with very rare exceptions. Also, not disclosing if I'm gay is one thing, but pretending I'm not and lying would not be something I'd ever do because that is just wrong and cowardly in my opinion.
I catch the drift from people in here that touching just isn't looked at as appropriate, which I'll accept as an answer. The issue was sexism for me and I just don't like being told I can't do something just because I'm a man.
Most of the issues of whether or not my homosexuality comes into play are related to when I'm asked if I have a girlfriend or not. My college professor said if she got that question even as a straight woman she would ask what it has to do with the content or her job as their teacher. If someone asks if you're gay and you say that you're not going to discuss it, that pretty much puts you in a hole because now they are going to be talking about it. It's possible for one to lie, but I never lie about anything with very rare exceptions. Also, not disclosing if I'm gay is one thing, but pretending I'm not and lying would not be something I'd ever do because that is just wrong and cowardly in my opinion.
I catch the drift from people in here that touching just isn't looked at as appropriate, which I'll accept as an answer. The issue was sexism for me and I just don't like being told I can't do something just because I'm a man.
Most of the issues of whether or not my homosexuality comes into play are related to when I'm asked if I have a girlfriend or not. My college professor said if she got that question even as a straight woman she would ask what it has to do with the content or her job as their teacher. If someone asks if you're gay and you say that you're not going to discuss it, that pretty much puts you in a hole because now they are going to be talking about it. It's possible for one to lie, but I never lie about anything with very rare exceptions. Also, not disclosing if I'm gay is one thing, but pretending I'm not and lying would not be something I'd ever do because that is just wrong and cowardly in my opinion.
I catch the drift from people in here that touching just isn't looked at as appropriate, which I'll accept as an answer. The issue was sexism for me and I just don't like being told I can't do something just because I'm a man.
Your social life, to include sexual orientation, is not a topic to discuss with 8th grade students. If asked, you laugh and tell them you are too busy planning lessons and grading papers to have a social life.
__________________
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I'm a student teacher and have finally made it to my clinical practice. The problem is I have Asperger's Disorder and I feel faculty at the college or at the school are always on my ass and it is only the 3rd week. I'm teaching 8th grade science for the semester.
It's not just that, but I've worked in food, sales, and hotels in the past (I'm 27 now) and never have I felt so much fear and anxiety over the consequences of saying or doing the wrong thing before. I've put my foot in my mouth a lot of times in the past when it was completely unintentional, and I just feel it is putting too much wear on me to have to worry about it all the time.
Now, for the reasons I want to be a teacher, is that I work really well with kids and communicate very well with them. I get a lot of emotional rewards from it, and I felt that being a counselor for summer camp was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I work well independently, which is essential to be a teacher.
However, I've already been pretty much called out simply for some of the students considering me their friend being warned that I'll turn on them later. I mentioned in a small group of students after one girl talked about being gay and the bullying that I was 24 before coming out of the closet, and was warned that students would use that against me. I also observed my cooperating teacher being affectionate with children quite a bit, but her excuse was that she is older and a woman, so that is okay, but people will find it threatening if I do it because I'm a man. Personally, my physical contact with the children has been very limited. I haven't even hugged any of them and barely made any more contact than patting them on the back which I consider relatively safe touching. It's not so much that the behavior was called out, it is that her reasoning for doing so was sexist. I know people say there is prejudice out there, but my therapist would tell you that trying to get through to me as far as changing my behavior to dance around people's prejudice is pretty much wasting your breath. I've actually wondered if I needed to go as far as contacting the state teachers association and asking for legal advice for discrimination based on gender, because the feedback I found to be not related to teaching and not very appropriate. Now, this teacher I know already and I don't feel she was trying to be sexist, she was just saying there is a double standard out there I have to be careful of. I just feel that if you're using the cooperating teacher as a mentor and emulating them, they should have more of a reason other than "I'm a woman" as a reason to tell you not to do something.
So, I just really don't know. It's not the work or being professional that I have a problem with, it is the fear and stress that comes with working with minors and I'm just kind of tired people making huge issues out of what's not really important or a big deal.
You remind me of someone else on this forum, who also claims to have Asbergers and to be trying to work in education, but because she just has no judgement or intuition about what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior she has not been successful.
Your post shows a serious lack of judgement - students are never your friends. NEVER. They should not consider you a friend. You should never discuss anything personal of substance with them - especially not sexuality or sexual preference. NOT. EVER. It's just not appropriate. They shouldn't even know your political preference or religion, much less your gender preference. I can't even imagine why you would be having a personal conversation with a small group of students - there should never be a situation where that happens. It's just inappropriate and unprofessional.
I understand the temptation to do this. The students look up to you and want to be your friend, because they are young and you are older and in a position of authority. Some teachers make the mistake of enjoying that rapt attention too much, and indulging their high school popularity fantasies. You must remember you are the adult now - you must not be part of the students' social lives and they must not be part of yours. You have to keep a professional distance.
Your mentor teacher is trying to tell you that there are just certain things about behavior that one needs to sense as far as appropriate and creepy. You cannot logically analyze it and it is not sexist. It's human. I am an older woman and I never touch school children. They will sometimes hug me, and I don't push them away or anything, but I don't really encourage it either. It does not feel appropriate for me. I can assure that it is NEVER appropriate for you. It's not really OK for your mentor teacher either, but as she pointed out, she can get away with it. She has a sense for what she can do and it's probably OK for her. But it isn't for you.
If you have Asbergers, then intuition about appropriate social behavior is not your strong suit. Listen to the advice you are given, or you will end up in hot water. Have as little social interaction with students as possible and keep it totally professional, and maybe you will manage not to get fired, or arrested...
Most of the issues of whether or not my homosexuality comes into play arerelated to when I'm asked if I have a girlfriend or not. My college professor said if she got that question even as a straight woman she would ask what it has to do with the content or her job as their teacher. If someone asks if you're gay and you say that you're not going to discuss it, that pretty much puts you in a hole because now they are going to be talking about it. It's possible for one to lie, but I never lie about anything with very rare exceptions. Also, not disclosing if I'm gay is one thing, but pretending I'm not and lying would not be something I'd ever do because that is just wrong and cowardly in my opinion.
I catch the drift from people in here that touching just isn't looked at as appropriate, which I'll accept as an answer. The issue was sexism for me and I just don't like being told I can't do something just because I'm a man.
Who is asking if you have a girl friend? And who is asking if you are gay?
There is a big difference between fellow teachers asking if you had a good weekend, when you are chatting in the teacher's lounge and 11 year old children asking about your dating history.
Just because a student asks you a question, it does not mean that you need to answer it. Whether you are heterosexual or homosexual or whatever, why should it matter to your students if you have a SO or not? Are they planning on fixing you up with their single aunt or uncle?
Sheesh! What if a student asks you if you like beer or if you take any prescription medications or how much money you make or your address or your phone number or how much you weigh? Just because a student asks you a question, it does not mean that you need to answer it.
Most of the issues of whether or not my homosexuality comes into play are related to when I'm asked if I have a girlfriend or not. My college professor said if she got that question even as a straight woman she would ask what it has to do with the content or her job as their teacher. If someone asks if you're gay and you say that you're not going to discuss it, that pretty much puts you in a hole because now they are going to be talking about it. It's possible for one to lie, but I never lie about anything with very rare exceptions. Also, not disclosing if I'm gay is one thing, but pretending I'm not and lying would not be something I'd ever do because that is just wrong and cowardly in my opinion.
I catch the drift from people in here that touching just isn't looked at as appropriate, which I'll accept as an answer. The issue was sexism for me and I just don't like being told I can't do something just because I'm a man.
I have worked with many many gay teachers who did not hide it. However, they were never asked by students, either. No student would have dared. They simply didn't invite that personal attention. Moreover, if a student did ask, they would have simply rolled their eyes and said, open your books to page whatever.....because you should not even indulge that kind of personal questioning for a moment from students. You're not hiding anything - but you should not be discussing any aspect of your personal life with them. Straight, married, gay, whatever.
I have worked with many many gay teachers who did not hide it. However, they were never asked by students, either. No student would have dared. They simply didn't invite that personal attention. Moreover, if a student did ask, they would have simply rolled their eyes and said, open your books to page whatever.....because you should not even indulge that kind of personal questioning for a moment from students. You're not hiding anything - but you should not be discussing any aspect of your personal life with them. Straight, married, gay, whatever.
To the OP, this might be the best advice you will ever receive.
Personal life is a broad term to me. Does that mean I can't tell them whether I live in a house or apartment, if I have pets, that I like to perform in theatre, where I'm from?
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