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I've noticed this too -- every single one of my friends who lives at home is either an immigrant, or his/her parents are immigrants.
They aren't from the same country either, we're talking Korean, Afghan, Colombian, and Kenyan.
So I don't know if it's a societal thing, or maybe if immigrants have a deep appreciation for really saving and stretching a dollar.
But I do believe there should absolutely be NO stigma regarding living with one's parents.
My college roommate lived with his parents until he got married at age 28. He was able to immediately buy a home with the 65k he had stashed away and zero credit card debt. No one's laughing at him now.
So people should do what works for them without feeling embarrassed.
I'm not sure that was what the poster was talking about.
I agree -- those who work and live with their parents have nothing to be ashamed of; my parents are always hoping that I move closer to them as well.
I think what the other poster was referring to was the idea of grown adults sitting at home with no job, no attempt to get a job, no desire to get a job, and living off their parents well into their late twenties/thirties. This is hardly bogus; I know plenty of people (and friends) from my high school who are still doing this, and most are doing it because their parents can afford to pay for them. I have an old friend who still sits at home smoking pot all day, and her parents actually give her an allowance to support her drug habit. I don't think they are bad people, but this does happen and I don't think it's a particularly good thing.
I think what the other poster was referring to was the idea of grown adults sitting at home with no job, no attempt to get a job, no desire to get a job, and living off their parents well into their late twenties/thirties. This is hardly bogus; I know plenty of people (and friends) from my high school who are still doing this, and most are doing it because their parents can afford to pay for them. I have an old friend who still sits at home smoking pot all day, and her parents actually give her an allowance to support her drug habit. I don't think they are bad people, but this does happen and I don't think it's a particularly good thing.
I don't know if you referred to me, but that's the idea I had in my head. I know many people my age still living at home out of necessity or for financial reasons. But, I also know at least several living at home because they have no motivation or desire to do anything with themselves, especially since they get free money and housing to do so.
I don't necessarily agree with the idea that moving out on your own "breaks up" the family. I'm extremely close with my parents, but I know that if we lived together we'd spend most of the time on the verge of fighting. We still communicate every day and visit frequently, it just takes a little more effort. My grandmother's children live all over the country, and though she'd love for them to live in PA, the family is definitely not "broken."
1. Yes - the lazy freeloader is a different animal and one that should not be respected. Sadly, there seem to be more and more in this country.
2. When I say "broken", I guess I just mean in a less tangible way. I, too, have a very strong family spread all over the country, but we do not have the daily interaction between grandparent and grandchild of simple things like getting ready for school or playing Candyland - or those random yet deep conversations that break out after dinner between grown children and their parents. That's what I mean. There's just a pressure on time when families get together for a weekend or even week that strips us of this important dynamic.
When I was young, my grandmother lived with my family. We played games all the time and were SO close in a way I never was with my grandmother who lived 1000 miles away that I saw on holidays.
It sounds like the bulk of the complaints you make are driving and parking. Here's an idea: Take the Metro. Or VRE, MARC wherever you live, you can park at the station. I know the idea of giving up the car might scare you - but you sound like a road rager to me, I think it might be in your and others best interest if you stick to transit.
Well this inane thread has come full circle. It began as a diatribe against arrogant, overly-ambitious people with too much money and now describes slackers living with their parents.
I know when I got out of college my parents wanted me to take off and see the world. My mom wanted me to settle in Seattle so they could come visit. I also remember my mom handing me my car insurance and told me if I was living at home this is how much rent was going to be...tough love, but I think it worked for me.
I moved out here from rural southwestern Michigan, after I got downsized out of my job back home. I had a choice of two jobs -- one in metro Detroit, where my wife was from, and one in DC. I thought the DC job sounded more exciting. I loved the idea of being right in the heart of the nation's capital, and I moved us halfway across the country.
Now, my wife was used to the commute in Detroit, and I'd been stuck in Chicago rush more than once, but nothing could prepare us for the aggressive lunatics out here who will cut lay on their horn, cut you off, run red lights, and speed like maniacs without a second thought. And then there were the people. The first day I rode the Metro, I couldn't believe how deathly quiet everybody was. No friendly conversation, no eye contact, just a bunch of emotionless automatons whose only thought was to push you out of the way so they could grab their own sardine-tight standing-room-only spot on the train.
I have never seen such a huge concentration of self-absorbed, rude, Type A ladder climbers as in this area. I've apologized to my wife profusely for ever moving us out here, and I told her that she can pick our next spot. So once we get our debts a little more in hand -- no easy task out here; even though we make double what we made back home, we're even further in debt now than when we first came here, and we'll NEVER be able to afford a home -- we're heading out, probably for the Pacific Northwest.
Living here has affected my health and demeanor, too. I just can't deal with this constant crush of rude, self-absorbed people. (Yes, I know, you find people like that everywhere, but unless you've lived in the DC area, you can't appreciate just how prevalent it is here.)
Fortunately, I've found a job that I enjoy (not the one I moved out here for; that first one turned out to miserable), and I think I'll be able to hang on to this one as a contractor after we move. And we are counting down the months.
But if you can't take your job with you, when it comes down to it, the job isn't worth the aggravation. Hang in there, and good luck with whatever you choose to do.
I realize your comment was posted almost a year ago. But I chuckled and agreed with you so much regarding comments from Destination Seattle. I came from the midwest(Chicago)and rode Metra. People on Metra spoke, developed friendships,etc. But Metro in DC? Wow, like this person said- quiet, angry if they couldn't force their way on to the train car, people screaming "everyone move to the center!"
D.C. is a very "ME-ISM" environment. It's about getting ahead, getting power, getting money, getting things, etc.
Will I stay? Maybe a little while longer, but DC will not be my permanent home. The best action I took - a few months ago I moved from MD suburb to beautiful neighborhood in DC. I walk everywhere and take bus to/from work. Absolutely love it! And oddly, I saved a couple hundred bucks a month.
I've traveled on transit in many cities and never found strangers striking up conversations. People aren't angry, they're just commuting to work. Do you roll down your window and talk to people in traffic?
If you ride it on evenings or weekends, there's a lot of chatter.
I've traveled on transit in many cities and never found strangers striking up conversations. People aren't angry, they're just commuting to work. Do you roll down your window and talk to people in traffic?
If you ride it on evenings or weekends, there's a lot of chatter.
It once again shows how people see what they want to see.
I've been on the subways of DC, NYC, Boston and Philly. You won't find a whole lot of chatter on any of them. I'd say Boston is actually the quietest of them all.
This idea that strangers should be talking on the subway is sooo out of touch with reality.
Last edited by dcsfanatic; 09-20-2008 at 10:31 PM..
Reason: thought of more to say
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