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I've lived in DC for a few years and am trying to figure out the dating desert that seems to be DC. I admit that I'm not into the club scene so meeting someone there is out for me. I'm 36, 5'8, African American, non weave wearing, long natural hair(imagine traci ellis ross style but longer), light makeup (lipstick, mascara and this awesome cinnamon colored skin God gave me), size 12/14 (average US woman size), 2 BA degrees, 1 Masters degree, no kids, God fearing (looking for someone also interested in having God centered relationship but not someone who wants to be in church 24/7), come from a two parent household (parents have been married for 30 plus years), I have a federal job making nice federal money, told by male and female friends alike that I have great sense of humor, I'm a girly girl (but not annoyingly so), and I'm told by just about everyone I meet what a very great personality I have. I am regularly told that I am beautiful. Not bitter or heart broken from any previous relationship and I'm not a freak. Obviously I'm not young, but I can't figure out what is going on.
This is not black planet lol....I'm just joking with you.
You believe in God and I saw your other thread so I am assuming you are a Christian? Here's the best advice you will ever hear on here, stop looking. What? Yes stop looking. Proverbs 18:22
Focus on you. Focus on your career, your spiritual growth, your life and the man you are looking for will find you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IOrising
I recently tried online dating which has been interesting. The guys I've met have been nice but seem to lack follow through. For example, we will have great first coffee date and we both say, let's do this again. I text to say thank you for great coffee meetup. He says welcome, let's do it again sometime. I say sure thing and then nothing. I text a few days later to say hello. He says hello and says we should hang out soon. I say ok I'm game and then, no response. Then 4 weeks later I get a text saying: Want to have coffee?
No offense, but you may be coming on too strong. If a guy tells you that he wants to go out with you again, then wait for him to respond to you. That's how you know he's interested in you. If he does not respond back to you, then that is a sign that he is not interested. It could be that he's not interested in you for whatever reason and/or he has someone else that he is seeing. If a guy tells you that and he doesn't follow up, don't even waste your time. Know your worth. If he doesn't respond, then just consider it his lost, not yours. There is nothing good coming out of trying to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IOrising
This type of interaction has happened alot with online guys I meet. Not sure what that's all about but the last guy I texted and informed that I was no longer interested in getting to know him (after he didn't respond to my phone call for 6 weeks), he sent me a very angry text saying that's why I'm alone because my expectations are way to high. I didn't know texting or calling someone back in a week or two was too high expectations.
Leave him alone. Let it marinate. A man knows what he ultimately wants and he knows the woman he wants to be with. If there is any hesitation on his part then you have to back off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IOrising
FYI--I am open to dating guys who are not degreed, making tons of money and are short, but must be attractive to me (because we all know chemistry is a factor in all of these shenanigans). Granted I've not dated extensively but I am not lacking social acumen and skills. I just don't know where to meet folks (and yes, I've tried through volunteer organizations, etc.). I just thought I'd ask around and see if people in digital land had any suggetions of where to meet African American men ages 34-43 in the DMV who are nice but not creepy, don't desire to be a thug, can talk about more than their job, is honest, funny, sweet, likes to watch Nats and Wizards games, movies, cook together, hang at home, and is looking for a relationship. I believe he's out there, I'm just not sure of where to look. I don't believe all the good black men have been taken and I wish to be with someone who believes that good black women are still out there (last online date went on and on about how black women are generally fat, well used by every dude, and old...he assured me that he could tell I was not like most black women...this while checking out our waitress...lol...I'm not mad at him, but I certainly wasn't interested in a second date with him since he seemed more interested in hating on black women (which I happen to be and he told me I didn't act like other Ghetto women in the DMV) then getting to know the nice black lady sitting at the table with him.
Anywho, any suggestions folks? Thanks for your help!
Like I said earlier, just do you. Don't go out looking for men. You have to start off being content with who you are right now and without a man. Have fun. If you like going to do all those things, maybe you have some girlfriends you can hang out with. Do that. Get out and enjoy life but also continue to work on yourself. Everything you just described, there are plenty of men out there that match that, but you have to be patient.
Thank you for your thoughts/reads (in Wendy Williams voice lol)/advice. I can't say I agree with everything everyone posted, but I am appreciative of your time and consideration.
I grew up not far from NOLA. I do recognize that DC is not the South, but was just voicing it has been a bit difficult dating here. Actually, I've also lived on the West Coast and didn't have any trouble meeting/dating nice guys. I'm not sure how/why DC seems to be more tough.
Also, yesterday a Christian guy friend was just saying that I need to get out more and meet more people if I ever want to get married (I was having dinner with him and his wife...they brought up my dating life lol). Sitting around and expecting God to drop a unicorn on my door seemed silly (his words...not mine). Funny that another Christian person would say: wait and let him find you. I don't disagree with what you are saying, but I imagine I should probably be somewhere outside of my house where he might be able to meet me. Again, I was just trying to figure out if anyone had nice hang locations around the District that they could recommend. I'll continue to trust that God is working things out in my life. I appreciate the encouragement.
I am actually content with myself. Wanting to be in relationship with another person is not an expression of discontent in one's life. I think it is healthy. I don't have to have someone, but I would like to be in a loving relationship with someone. I was just trying to get a read on how to go about the DC dating scene better.
Again, I was just trying to figure out if anyone had nice hang locations around the District that they could recommend.
Nice hang locations for the specific purposes of find a date is irrelevant because you have been finding and actually going on dates. "places" we recommend won't change the texture of this area.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IOrising
I was just trying to get a read on how to go about the DC dating scene better. Again thanks for all the responses.
And that is exactly what I told you. I am reading you and even by your responses, you are falling in line with how I originally read you. Of course you will disagree with many of what is said but ironically, you are the one asking for advice on a DC thread from those that have experience. Eventually you are going to have to put the wall down and be a bit more open minded. Not to say you aren't but I am sensing some resistance and again, it stems from your initial post. People's personalities follow a pattern and repeat social cues and this is exactly what you are doing. Just like when you justified the specifics in your initial post regarding why you posted some of the information.
Like I said, mentioning your FED job and masters degree is something that goes over well here but does NOT necessarily go over well in all other places. That means you have to understand the texture of the area.
Based on newly revealed information, your best is to look up and join some Christian meet ups in the area. Get to know the people here and be especially watchful for social cues. Don't look to date them but just observe at first. Eventually, you will see how well you pair with certain people.
You can't expect to pick up or have the same dating tactics here as you had in other cities or states. You have to respect and understand the texture of which you are in before proceeding.
As far as meeting places, there are coffee shops, bakeries, book stores, grocery stores, poetry events, etc. Have you tried speed dating? It might be worth it. I've read that Match.com is good. You could also consider perhaps communicating with someone who lives in a different state or country if you would be okay with a long-distance relationship. I have been married for 12 years now and have been out of the dating game for a while. However, I completely understand your frustration. (For the record, I met my husband on BlackPlanet.com back before it became BootyCallPlanet.com LOL). I really wish you the best.
Also, yesterday a Christian guy friend was just saying that I need to get out more and meet more people if I ever want to get married (I was having dinner with him and his wife...they brought up my dating life lol). Sitting around and expecting God to drop a unicorn on my door seemed silly (his words...not mine). Funny that another Christian person would say: wait and let him find you. I don't disagree with what you are saying, but I imagine I should probably be somewhere outside of my house where he might be able to meet me. Again, I was just trying to figure out if anyone had nice hang locations around the District that they could recommend. I'll continue to trust that God is working things out in my life. I appreciate the encouragement.
I suggested that. The part where I said you should go out with your girlfriends? I don't disagree with you, I'm just telling you as a man, men aren't going to respond to a woman coming off too strong because they see it as a sign of being clingy and as a Christian, if you want someone equally yoked it's important to recognize how Biblically to deal with this. I'm not in any way suggesting that you aren't happy with your life, but I do believe that you should value yourself and to not waste your time with guys who aren't serious. Anytime you respond to a guy that hasn't taken the time to speak to you in a few weeks, you are doing yourself a disservice.
And as far as places, you named a few interests that will lead you to places you will meet men. You like watching sports, go to a game. One of my friends is single and me and another one of our friends went out to the Wizards game a few weeks ago, the whole time he was looking to see what women were there. Men know that women get dressed up to those games so men are definitely looking. Do you work out? Go to the gym, plenty of men there. Go to community events, grocery stores, go eat dinner out, go to the movies, go to see a play at Arena Stage or Kennedy Center. There are many places to go and you have enough interest that you probably won't have to do something out of what you may normally do to meet a good man. I wish you the best and hope that you find the right man.
Nice hang locations for the specific purposes of find a date is irrelevant because you have been finding and actually going on dates. "places" we recommend won't change the texture of this area.
And that is exactly what I told you. I am reading you and even by your responses, you are falling in line with how I originally read you. Of course you will disagree with many of what is said but ironically, you are the one asking for advice on a DC thread from those that have experience. Eventually you are going to have to put the wall down and be a bit more open minded. Not to say you aren't but I am sensing some resistance and again, it stems from your initial post. People's personalities follow a pattern and repeat social cues and this is exactly what you are doing. Just like when you justified the specifics in your initial post regarding why you posted some of the information.
Like I said, mentioning your FED job and masters degree is something that goes over well here but does NOT necessarily go over well in all other places. That means you have to understand the texture of the area.
Based on newly revealed information, your best is to look up and join some Christian meet ups in the area. Get to know the people here and be especially watchful for social cues. Don't look to date them but just observe at first. Eventually, you will see how well you pair with certain people.
You can't expect to pick up or have the same dating tactics here as you had in other cities or states. You have to respect and understand the texture of which you are in before proceeding.
But no hard feelings though.
I think you may be reading a bit too deep into her initial post. I don't think her goal was to come off as this "check my credentials" type and she didn't come off that way when I read it. I think she was merely posting her stats/brief bio like you would on a dating site, which is probably why titans was joking with that black planet line. I've come across other posts from women in other forums that are similar.
Thank you for your thoughts/reads (in Wendy Williams voice lol)/advice. I can't say I agree with everything everyone posted, but I am appreciative of your time and consideration.
I grew up not far from NOLA. I do recognize that DC is not the South, but was just voicing it has been a bit difficult dating here. Actually, I've also lived on the West Coast and didn't have any trouble meeting/dating nice guys. I'm not sure how/why DC seems to be more tough.
Also, yesterday a Christian guy friend was just saying that I need to get out more and meet more people if I ever want to get married (I was having dinner with him and his wife...they brought up my dating life lol). Sitting around and expecting God to drop a unicorn on my door seemed silly (his words...not mine). Funny that another Christian person would say: wait and let him find you. I don't disagree with what you are saying, but I imagine I should probably be somewhere outside of my house where he might be able to meet me. Again, I was just trying to figure out if anyone had nice hang locations around the District that they could recommend. I'll continue to trust that God is working things out in my life. I appreciate the encouragement.
I am actually content with myself. Wanting to be in relationship with another person is not an expression of discontent in one's life. I think it is healthy. I don't have to have someone, but I would like to be in a loving relationship with someone. I was just trying to get a read on how to go about the DC dating scene better.
Again thanks for all the responses.
I'll be blunt, I think it's going to be hard to land a good black man in DC that matches your desirable criteria in a timeline you'd like, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. It's hard nation-wide but more so here because black men here tend to be more accomplished and wealthy compared to most other parts of the country. Black men here have options and many, not all, exercise these options until they're finally ready to settle down. I know first hand because I hang out with many of these guys and from women I talk too. Some of these women, a couple whom I dated , specifically said they seek out guys who aren't from here or haven't been here long because they tend not to have that mindset and are more genuine. Most of these women aren't from here while the others are. Some even said that if they came across a good man that was already taken, they would feel a little bad stealing him but not too much because their personal happiness is top priority.
I just wanted to give you an idea of why the DC area is so different when it comes to dating black men. Shortly after I moved here, one of my friends from Baton Rouge, a good girl IMO, told me about her bad dating experience here and I was completely shocked at how bad it is up here for good black women. She moved to North Carolina shortly after because of it.
That being said, if you haven't already, try looking into your college(s) alumni events in the area. Look for groups of people from home who have groups/organizations up here. For example, there's a few NOLA/Louisiana groups up here that hold events like crawfish boils, Mardi Gras parties, Saints watch parties, etc... You may have to get out of your comfort zone and start going to happy hour/day parties at lounges/bars where black men typically meet. Maybe look into picking up a sport/hobby and meeting new people that way. Who knows, you may meet a good black man who likes to garden
I'll be blunt, I think it's going to be hard to land a good black man in DC that matches your desirable criteria in a timeline you'd like, but that doesn't mean it can't be done. It's hard nation-wide but more so here because black men here tend to be more accomplished and wealthy compared to most other parts of the country. Black men here have options and many, not all, exercise these options until they're finally ready to settle down. I know first hand because I hang out with many of these guys and from women I talk too. Some of these women, a couple whom I dated , specifically said they seek out guys who aren't from here or haven't been here long because they tend not to have that mindset and are more genuine. Most of these women aren't from here while the others are. Some even said that if they came across a good man that was already taken, they would feel a little bad stealing him but not too much because their personal happiness is top priority.
I just wanted to give you an idea of why the DC area is so different when it comes to dating black men. Shortly after I moved here, one of my friends from Baton Rouge, a good girl IMO, told me about her bad dating experience here and I was completely shocked at how bad it is up here for good black women. She moved to North Carolina shortly after because of it.
That being said, if you haven't already, try looking into your college(s) alumni events in the area. Look for groups of people from home who have groups/organizations up here. For example, there's a few NOLA/Louisiana groups up here that hold events like crawfish boils, Mardi Gras parties, Saints watch parties, etc... You may have to get out of your comfort zone and start going to happy hour/day parties at lounges/bars where black men typically meet.
I was just about to say the same thing. Happy hour in DC is huge for AA's ages 25-40. The OP can meet a lot of people that way.
Thank you for your thoughts/reads (in Wendy Williams voice lol)/advice. I can't say I agree with everything everyone posted, but I am appreciative of your time and consideration.
I grew up not far from NOLA. I do recognize that DC is not the South, but was just voicing it has been a bit difficult dating here. Actually, I've also lived on the West Coast and didn't have any trouble meeting/dating nice guys. I'm not sure how/why DC seems to be more tough.
Also, yesterday a Christian guy friend was just saying that I need to get out more and meet more people if I ever want to get married (I was having dinner with him and his wife...they brought up my dating life lol). Sitting around and expecting God to drop a unicorn on my door seemed silly (his words...not mine). Funny that another Christian person would say: wait and let him find you. I don't disagree with what you are saying, but I imagine I should probably be somewhere outside of my house where he might be able to meet me. Again, I was just trying to figure out if anyone had nice hang locations around the District that they could recommend.
Try the Park at Fourteenth, Indulj, Jin, Bar 7, Ozios (Friday Night), Stan's Bar, Tuscana West (Saturday Night) Ben's Next Door, Lucky Strikes, Bar Louies (Friday and Saturday) and Bohemian Caverns just to name a few. There are plenty of options in DC but you're definitely going to have to get out of the house and mingle. This should help you.
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, specifically said they seek out guys who aren't from here or haven't been here long because they tend not to have that mindset and are more genuine. Most of these women aren't from here while the others are. Some even said that if they came across a good man that was already taken, they would feel a little bad stealing him but not too much because their personal happiness is top priority.
