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I've lived in DC for a few years and am trying to figure out the dating desert that seems to be DC. I admit that I'm not into the club scene so meeting someone there is out for me. I'm 36, 5'8, African American, non weave wearing, long natural hair(imagine traci ellis ross style but longer), light makeup (lipstick, mascara and this awesome cinnamon colored skin God gave me), size 12/14 (average US woman size), 2 BA degrees, 1 Masters degree, no kids, God fearing (looking for someone also interested in having God centered relationship but not someone who wants to be in church 24/7), come from a two parent household (parents have been married for 30 plus years), I have a federal job making nice federal money, told by male and female friends alike that I have great sense of humor, I'm a girly girl (but not annoyingly so), and I'm told by just about everyone I meet what a very great personality I have. I am regularly told that I am beautiful. Not bitter or heart broken from any previous relationship and I'm not a freak. Obviously I'm not young, but I can't figure out what is going on.
I recently tried online dating which has been interesting. The guys I've met have been nice but seem to lack follow through. For example, we will have great first coffee date and we both say, let's do this again. I text to say thank you for great coffee meetup. He says welcome, let's do it again sometime. I say sure thing and then nothing. I text a few days later to say hello. He says hello and says we should hang out soon. I say ok I'm game and then, no response. Then 4 weeks later I get a text saying: Want to have coffee?
This type of interaction has happened alot with online guys I meet. Not sure what that's all about but the last guy I texted and informed that I was no longer interested in getting to know him (after he didn't respond to my phone call for 6 weeks), he sent me a very angry text saying that's why I'm alone because my expectations are way to high. I didn't know texting or calling someone back in a week or two was too high expectations.
FYI--I am open to dating guys who are not degreed, making tons of money and are short, but must be attractive to me (because we all know chemistry is a factor in all of these shenanigans). Granted I've not dated extensively but I am not lacking social acumen and skills. I just don't know where to meet folks (and yes, I've tried through volunteer organizations, etc.). I just thought I'd ask around and see if people in digital land had any suggetions of where to meet African American men ages 34-43 in the DMV who are nice but not creepy, don't desire to be a thug, can talk about more than their job, is honest, funny, sweet, likes to watch Nats and Wizards games, movies, cook together, hang at home, and is looking for a relationship. I believe he's out there, I'm just not sure of where to look. I don't believe all the good black men have been taken and I wish to be with someone who believes that good black women are still out there (last online date went on and on about how black women are generally fat, well used by every dude, and old...he assured me that he could tell I was not like most black women...this while checking out our waitress...lol...I'm not mad at him, but I certainly wasn't interested in a second date with him since he seemed more interested in hating on black women (which I happen to be and he told me I didn't act like other Ghetto women in the DMV) then getting to know the nice black lady sitting at the table with him.
Anywho, any suggestions folks? Thanks for your help!
Ok let's get right into this. First you need to develop your social cues. No amount of school with a degree will teach you how to interact socially.
Although this isn't the dating section, I will proceed to give my POV. It's one thing to look at the others but you also have to take a look at yourself. Not in a bad way that you are doing anything wrong but perhaps you are selling yourself to the wrong customer base.
I read you even before you started asking questions. It's as if you are qualifying yourself and reaching to creat this image. Mind you, this is what DC does to people so again, you are just playing the game. In another city, although commendable, wearing a federal job, making good money, your masters degree all on your sleeve is not cool. Even worse, you have to stress that you have only 1 masters degree so far as if 1 is not enough today. That reads overachiever big time. You couldn't do this in a place like Miami. Nobody would care about your fed job. Heck, my top secret clearance couldn't get me a job in Miami. It's a different way of life with different cultures that aren't part of the DC elite or government elite profiles. You have to learn how to pair social cultures. Average pairing elsewhere is not the same average here because there are so any achievers. You have to look and pair accordingly.
Now, to an average Caribbean mixed-race joe like myself that also works for the government and have lived in over 7 countries and speaks 3 languages (see what I did there?) and that has experience in dating, may not want to deal with such an overachiever like you. Not to say you are or that it is a bad thing but I didn't grow up in DC and it's not part of my cultural texture I was around average hard working types from many ethnic backgrounds. I grew up in NYC/NJ in a hustlers environment. You unfortunately bleed overachiever on paper and I am sure we would be able to read it in person. Most men want a woman that may have all of that but may not come out and say it right away. My mother is an OBGYN with her own clinic and my father never knew up until after 6 months of dating that she had money.... it was bit too much at first to let it out.
So it's seems as if you are also having an identity crisis. You are riding the DC texture but yet you are trying to be down and attract average joes. You need to be reaching for much higher standards in a man. You won't easily connect with an average dude nor have the capacity to withstand some of the quirks of the average man. I started dating black "successful women" when I first came to DC and was always met with "let me check my sched, or I have meetings and can't make it". But then expect me to be ready after they were done.. They didn't understand how to talk to me like a normal guy and not their federal co-worker.... Now, I date further south near woodbridge and meet more of the "down-to earth" types that aren't so hung up on their masters degree and can actually cook a steak and tend to a man's needs.
What you also need to work on is proper pairing and learn who is right and matches your personality here in the DMV. For example, I appreciate down to earth women that don't make it a point to tell me about their career successes. If they do, I already know who I am dealing with and it doesn't go far. I already know we don't match so I don't even go on first dates. There are initial cues that you must observe and may not come to some automatically. Again, it doesn't come from a masters degree or a book. It comes from getting out an learning about people and studying their habits.
Well, this is just my first post. I will return after others have posted.
LETS NOT TURN THIS TO A RACIAL THREAD AND GET IT CLOSED
Last edited by halfamazing; 12-08-2014 at 06:02 AM..
Hi Thanks for the advice. I always appreciate thoughts on how to improve the situation.
Just as an FYI--I was providing the information about degrees, my looks, attitude, etc. to give background more than anything...not for the purposes of boasting or bragging. I thought it might be helpful to know a little about me. Also, I thought by making it clear that I'm open to dating all types of guys who are black it would be clear that I'm not excluding anyone based on education, earnings, etc. I find if I like who you are (you are kind, thoughtful, funny, active, intelligent etc.) you become more and more attractive to me. I've dated the well educated brothers and guys who are not. I guess I was just trying to make it clear that I'm a pretty open person because I believe that you may miss a good thing if it doesn't fit some fairy-tale idea of what you think you should have.
I'm not from the DC area and places I've lived before, I've found easier to understand the social cues (I'm from the deep south...people are pretty friendly and guys are really easy to approach and they approach really easily). I've just found DC to be more difficult.
I was really looking for hangout type places that I perhaps didn't know of. I'm more of an outdoors kind of girl so I bike and walk and have joined meetups for that but didn't really meet anyone (lots of women in the groups despite it seeming like a group that would have guys).
Where are you originally from? I'm asking because I know many women up here from the south, specifically Louisiana, who complain about not being able to find a good AA man here and their stories sound very similar to yours.
Hi Thanks for the advice. I always appreciate thoughts on how to improve the situation.
Just as an FYI--I was providing the information about degrees, my looks, attitude, etc. to give background more than anything...not for the purposes of boasting or bragging.
Anywho, thanks for your thoughts.
I totally get what you are saying but again, its mostly likely the DC area that had you actually writing this because there are so many here with masters and fed jobs. But know it or not, qualifying one's self is a big issue here and many men complain about women only about work, their status, and can't find women that are down to earth.
Like I said, it's just an observation and it goes a long way. You may not notice you are doing it but again, not to seem insensitive, you are actually asking for some info. So, it's just coming from a POV and its good to know what the other side is thinking...
P.S. There really isn't a "where is the best place to..." if you pair and you notice, you will link up. It's natural and it happens without you knowing.
Where are you originally from? I'm asking because I know many women up here from the south, specifically Louisiana, who complain about not being able to find a good AA man here and their stories sound very similar to yours.
Where are you originally from? I'm asking because I know many women up here from the south, specifically Louisiana, who complain about not being able to find a good AA man here and their stories sound very similar to yours.
You can't come to D.C. and expect it to be like the south. Even someone from VA (outside of Arlington, Fairfax, or Alexandria) or NC will have similar problems
I feel sorry for dc sometimes, but then again whatever.
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