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I agree, the cancer is not a new BMW, but she manages to live better than most and evidently, knows how to finagle the system.
So, I guess it's futile to try Suze and futile to get her to think within her means. Miss X will blow her & her finace's 6k and go into debt for another 4k. And you & I will be paying for it in the long run.
Guess I am bitter.
Which is why we are where we are in this country right now. Too many people are finagling the system.
This topic is an example jealousy and nosiness at it's finest.
She beat cancer, let her have one special day. $10K is not that much for a wedding anyway. Secondly, what she does with her money is none of your business.
Cancer / no cancer. Government assistance / no government assistance. Doesn't really matter. I know lots of people who neither have cancer nor have taken government assistance who go batsh** crazy when it comes to spending on weddings. Lots of stupid people spend more than they can afford for their wedding. They fall for the Bridal Industial Complex's marketing nonsense about how much you have to spend. I think they're all stupid -- I don't reserve my disdain for only those who've taken government assistance.
Well... I spent 20% of our income on my wedding and it was the cheapest I could do in this godforsaken place without being tacky. Luckily we saved up in advance instead of putting it on cards so it turned out okay. 10k as 20% is fine as long as she can find the resources.
If she managed to save up 6k she can manage to scrape up 4k later. Maybe she can ask the guests to bring cash instead of gifts, and help defray some of the 4k. We did this and got all our money back in almost an exact way (surprisingly) so we actually walked away from the wedding with all the money that we had saved up earlier. There is always a way to get it done. I would save 2k every month on the equivalent of her salary (i have no kids but I also live in an expensive area). She will be okay, just be happy for her.
I get annoyed with people for going past their means too so I know where you are coming from esp since the taxpayers had to pay for her cancer treatment. But she probably did not deserve to get cancer either...
Maybe she can ask the guests to bring cash instead of gifts, and help defray some of the 4k. We did this and got all our money back in almost an exact way (surprisingly) so we actually walked away from the wedding with all the money that we had saved up earlier.
Ewwww. I think this is bad advice. Happy couples should have affordable weddings, not beg for cash.
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I get annoyed with people for going past their means too so I know where you are coming from
But you just described your own wedding as a cash grab.
I was offended when I got a shower invite (and all the men and all the women invited to the wedding were invited to the shower- close to 200) and the card said, "Gifts of money are appreciated because we all know that J and B are moving back to her home in the Midwest." Talk about a cash grab! And these were both people with good jobs in their 40s, not some kids.
One friend of mine, when remarrying, asked that there be no gifts, and that if someone was moved to give a gift, give a donation to (one of three charitable groups listed- all neutral, like the state forestry foundation, nothing religious or political).
The Bridezilla world is indeed an unpleasant one to observe. And I don't think the whole deal does one bit of a good to help people become married, in fact, I think the process is alienating, and the couple spends this engagement time (which could be a moving into more of an "us" place) dealing with Cinderella For a Day.
Cancer / no cancer. Government assistance / no government assistance. Doesn't really matter. I know lots of people who neither have cancer nor have taken government assistance who go batsh** crazy when it comes to spending on weddings. Lots of stupid people spend more than they can afford for their wedding. They fall for the Bridal Industial Complex's marketing nonsense about how much you have to spend. I think they're all stupid -- I don't reserve my disdain for only those who've taken government assistance.
Thank you for getting to the point of this thread.
First of all, to clarify a few things. She has asked for our help, we wouldn't have stuck our noses in otherwise. We are a small business and know each others families & financial situations.
And, yes. All of us paid for her surgeries. Medicaid is a federal program.
I didn't mean to come off as bitter as I must have, and the aside about that was a mini-rant about the whole system, with Miss X as an example.
You guys are making me out to be an unfeeling monster. I'm far from it. She deserves a nice wedding, but don't her kids deserve some security if the cancer recurs?
I agree, the cancer is not a new BMW, but she manages to live better than most and evidently, knows how to finagle the system.
So, I guess it's futile to try Suze and futile to get her to think within her means. Miss X will blow her & her finace's 6k and go into debt for another 4k. And you & I will be paying for it in the long run.
Guess I am bitter.
You're not a monster.
Look, if this were the 1st marriage, then okay, let's splurge a little (within means) and celebrate the occasion. Still, you have to ask is it about the wedding, or is it about being an attention w-h-o-r-e; is it about upstaging a friend, family member or co-worker who just had a wedding; or is it some lurid fantasy that they rub elbows with the "rich-n-famous."
A friend's second marriage to a woman (also her second marriage) was a beautiful affair in an old German Lutheran Church with about 40-50 close friends and family, and nobody had to go into debt to rent a tux or fancy dress, and we all went out to eat afterward and the bride and groom paid for it and then we went dancing. It was a lot of fun and there was no pressure to dump money and gifts on them as though they had 19 years and were blissfully ignorant.
Like I said, if you want to express your disdain, disgust and disapproval, go to Revco or CVS and get her a nice Hallmark-brand greeting card, make a $10 donation to a cancer charity in her name and wish her well.
I have never seen the appeal of a big whoop-de-do wedding. Seems to me like alot of attention and expense for a few hours. You are just as married either way you do it. And I have seem many a bride and/or mother almost have a stroke over all the stressfull details.
And for a 2nd wedding it just doesn't make sense. Think of what you could do with that money in terms of education, home downpayment etc. And to ask for cash is beyond tacky.
Having said that, this is a co worker and feelings can be hurt if OP speaks her mind. Just hold your tongue and be out of town that weekend.
Read recently that despite all the economic woes the bridal industry is going stronger than ever. What a rip off.And besides there is a 50/50 chance the marriage won't even last. I think people who spend more than they can afford on weddings need a reality check.
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