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I actually planned two weddings - one for me and one for my mom. We made arrangements for a beach wedding at a hidden resort and they took care of everything. The plan included my aunt and uncle who lived closest to there. We then planned another small, formal, church wedding at home for our families.
The other option is to discuss this with your fiance and see if his parents would be willing to kick in a bit more for you to have the wedding you want. Given their excitement and support along with the circumstances they may be willing.
My Daughter had her wedding in The Dominican Republic. Around thirty of us from the brides family went. The only one from the grooms family was him, LOL. Anyway it was one of the greatest weddings ever. We just had such a good time. We all paid our own way and that was better than giving a huge present that they don'r need anyway. My daughter and her Hubby got their tickets for free for arrainging the whole thing. I really hope you go ahead and do what you want to.
Some free advice!!!!! Get married in a little church or civil ceremony before you go. That's the legal wedding. Your weeding at your destination is still as meaningful and beautiful but you don't need to jump through all the hoops and the expense of transfering that legality back home. It can cost a lot and it can be a real pain.
I may be alone in this - but I think that your mom is behaving horribly. I know people are saying - well, if she's paying, she should have a say so. This is what I think - if she was a good mom, then she would want you to have the wedding that you want, not the wedding she wants. And she would pay for it even if it wasn't the wedding that she wanted. I mean - if she didn't have the money or wasn't planning on paying for it under any circumstances, that would be different. But the fact that she would spend $30,000 on the wedding that she wants but not $10,000 on the wedding that you want - well, that to me is awful. My mother paid for my wedding - and it was a destination wedding. It was the most incredible day of my life and everyone who was there said it was the most fun they had ever had at a wedding. Don't have a wedding that you don't want. You will regret it. Your wedding is about you and your fiance and it should be what the two of you want. If your mom is refusing to pay - pay for it yourself. If you have to wait, then wait. Maybe your fiance's parents would be willing to help out. But just think - if none of your family attends the wedding - maybe the wedding will be less than $10,000!!!
Your story sounds almost exactly like my wife's story, and it was 37 years ago when we got married, and it still gripes her no end. She wants me to tell you that "we have the same mom" LOL.
It is YOUR wedding and your life. Do what YOU wish. Do what makes YOU happy.
Her mom wanted to have the wedding in HER 3rd rate baptist church, in front of HER peers.
My wife was beside herself to the point of us almost eloping. My wife won the battle and we had our wedding in the gorgeous Navy Chapel up on Nebraska Ave, in DC.
Weddings cause too many moms to go totally apeshat and that's the sign you need to do what YOU want so that it pleases you.
If you cannot afford a wedding on your own, and your mom won't cover it, go to the courthouse to get married and then go live your life without your mom in the picture. It's your life. Your purpose on this planet is not to give you mom a chance to show off or live vicariously through you. If you and that guy really love each other, then just go do it.
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your wedding shouldn`t depend on anyone paying for it except yourselves..It`s supposed to be about committing yourself to the one you love.....not who pays...how much...or where.If you don`t have a lot of money,....so what, you can still get married to the one you love, and still have a very satisfying and enjoyable wedding with those who care to come.No-one needs to borrow or go into debt to get married....
IF they really did then they would be willing to let her have any kind of wedding SHE wants.
They want to have a wedding to satisfy THEIR own ego's, THEIR own agenda.
And guess what - That's A-OKAY. It's THEIR money.
No parent "owes" their child the wedding of their dreams, whether it costs $10,000 or just $100.
If the OP wants the kind of wedding she wants, that's A-OKAY too - it's her life and her wedding. She just needs to understand that to get that, she'll be paying for it.
I think we all get that it's about their egos.
The OP has never stated that she is owed a wedding. Since her parents expect to pay for it, it is worth it to try for some compromise.
And no, I'm sorry. I do not agree that a parent paying for a wedding gives them the right to run rough shod over their children. Compromise, yes. Dictatorship, no. That is just crummy parenting.
The OP should try for a compromise. If that isn't possible, then she will know she's on her own.
The OP has never stated that she is owed a wedding. Since her parents expect to pay for it, it is worth it to try for some compromise.
And no, I'm sorry. I do not agree that a parent paying for a wedding gives them the right to run rough shod over their children. Compromise, yes. Dictatorship, no. That is just crummy parenting.
The OP should try for a compromise. If that isn't possible, then she will know she's on her own.
I would agree to some sort of compromising - but not on what kind of a wedding it is. It's okay to compromise on the guest list or the menu or the color scheme - but not on the overall feel of the wedding. That's just my opinion. My mom and I compromised on the budget and guest list - but she supported me completely in the venue, the food, etc. It was my wedding - not my mom's second wedding.
I would agree to some sort of compromising - but not on what kind of a wedding it is. It's okay to compromise on the guest list or the menu or the color scheme - but not on the overall feel of the wedding. That's just my opinion. My mom and I compromised on the budget and guest list - but she supported me completely in the venue, the food, etc. It was my wedding - not my mom's second wedding.
Hey, HE/SHE who PAYS, PLAYS
It's mom and dad's money
And while it would be nice if they just gave the daughter carte blanche to do as she pleases, THEY DON'T HAVE TO and are doing nothing wrong if they don't.
If you expect to have the wedding of your dreams you should be mature enough to accept having to pay for it yourself.
And while it would be nice if they just gave the daughter carte blanche to do as she pleases, THEY DON'T HAVE TO and are doing nothing wrong if they don't.
If you expect to have the wedding of your dreams you should be mature enough to accept having to pay for it yourself.
It's not that I don't see your logic - I just think that a good parent would want to make their child happy, not to simply gratify themselves. Maybe I've been extrememly fortunate - but my parents loved me unconditionally and wanted me to be happy. My wedding was my wedding - not my mom's wedding.
I told the OP that if she couldn't come to an agreement with her mother, that she should pay for the wedding themselves. I just just think it's awful that a mother would act this way - being willing to pay $30,000 for the wedding that she approves of but not $10,000 to make her daughter happy. That's being a crappy mom to me. While with some things I agree that whoever pays should have a big say so - I do not think this is the case with weddings. Just my opinion.
Save up for your own wedding. Being dependent on others is demoralising and having your mother manipulate you over money is just wrong.
Pretty much.
If your mother pays, she's allowed to have an opinion, whether that opinion sucks or not. .
Save up for your own marriage.
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