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Someone has succeeded in having the marriage vow to "love, honour and obey" altered.
I re-heard the "vows" and it's not quite there.
When I was married I used the traditional vows. To me it is the ultimate promise that you give your mate.
To me, anything less is a slap in the face. Of course, many people do not feel this way. Many people feel that it's just "words". To me it is the most solemn of events and should remain that way.
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
2,218 posts, read 3,453,491 times
Reputation: 6035
This is not a serious thread, is it? I mean, really, who in this day and age wants or expects the wife to "obey" her husband? (I am sure there are some husbands who might kinda like it, but seriously, would not expect this as part of the vows).
I would neither marry or want to be with a man who demanded that I obey him. Turn the tables, men who want this, would YOU ever say you would obey your wife?? betcha the answer is NO.
This is not a serious thread, is it? I mean, really, who in this day and age wants or expects the wife to "obey" her husband? (I am sure there are some husbands who might kinda like it, but seriously, would not expect this as part of the vows).
I would neither marry or want to be with a man who demanded that I obey him. Turn the tables, men who want this, would YOU ever say you would obey your wife?? betcha the answer is NO.
Obeying is something that is freely given out of love - much like respect and honor. Nobody can "demand" these things.
My vows were "love, honor and obey". By vowing to do this I am demonstrating that I love him to the degree that I am willing to put him first in my heart. It's kinda what marriage is all about.
Obeying is something that is freely given out of love - much like respect and honor. Nobody can "demand" these things.
My vows were "love, honor and obey". By vowing to do this I am demonstrating that I love him to the degree that I am willing to put him first in my heart. It's kinda what marriage is all about.
20yrsinBranson
Just curious 20yrsinBranson,
Do you have a voice in your marriage? When a wife promises their obedience to their husband, in essence they are saying, "Whatever you say goes, regardless of what I want or feel."
Is that how it is in your marriage? Is your obedience unconditional?
Do you have a voice in your marriage? When a wife promises their obedience to their husband, in essence they are saying, "Whatever you say goes, regardless of what I want or feel."
Is that how it is in your marriage? Is your obedience unconditional?
Pretty much.
My husband always asks my opinion out of respect and deference, but usually I just tell him that "whatever he chooses is fine with me". Because it is. I am a very easy-going person and there isn't much in life that I get rankled up about. Our life consists of relatively few "big" decisions anyway.
In the past there are a few issues that I might have had him handle differently, but having a disagreement about it was not worth it, IMHO. I am all about keeping the harmony of the happy home and the last thing I want to do is cause a disruption. If something was a "life or death" situation, then I suppose I might be a tad more assertive, but until that happens we are both quite happy with the status quo.
As I mentioned, he does value my opinion and I do put in my two cents when it is appropriate. For instance a month or so ago, one of my kitties was not feeling well and I said to my dh "can we take the kitty in to the vet because I don't think she is well?". He listened to me and considered it and found my assessment valid and so she went in. But I did not have to stamp my little foot and shake my finger and say....."The cat IS going in TODAY", because my husband knows that when I DO say something, it is usually important and worth considering.
Again it is just all about mutual respect and love and appreciation. There is no conflict or "power plays", like I see in many marriages these days.
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
2,218 posts, read 3,453,491 times
Reputation: 6035
20Yrs, glad it works for you. It would not work for me at this point in my life. Maybe years ago as a young bride it would have appealed to me, not now.
The example of the kitty sort of startled me. Why on earth would you need to ask permission to take the cat the vet? See, that is where you and I are different. I might have made a statement like "The cat is not feeling well, he needs to be seen by the vet, so I am taking him today". Where is the power play in that? Any reasonable spouse wouldn't even feel he needed a vote.
Again, if it works for you two, GREAT! It is simply not for many of us who are single but considering marriage later in life. I feel I have earned autonomy mixed with mutual respect for my partner.
I have a marriage with no power plays and very little conflict as well. I however, am a working woman and I do not defer like a wilted flower to my husband. I am equal to my husband as he is equal to me. If I want something I do not ask his permission. I can't imagine living in a 1950s marriage. It would never work for me. I have had a lifelong belief in equality as the basis for a good marriage and that is what i have taught my daughters.
My husband always asks my opinion out of respect and deference, but usually I just tell him that "whatever he chooses is fine with me". Because it is. I am a very easy-going person and there isn't much in life that I get rankled up about. Our life consists of relatively few "big" decisions anyway.
In the past there are a few issues that I might have had him handle differently, but having a disagreement about it was not worth it, IMHO. I am all about keeping the harmony of the happy home and the last thing I want to do is cause a disruption. If something was a "life or death" situation, then I suppose I might be a tad more assertive, but until that happens we are both quite happy with the status quo.
As I mentioned, he does value my opinion and I do put in my two cents when it is appropriate. For instance a month or so ago, one of my kitties was not feeling well and I said to my dh "can we take the kitty in to the vet because I don't think she is well?". He listened to me and considered it and found my assessment valid and so she went in. But I did not have to stamp my little foot and shake my finger and say....."The cat IS going in TODAY", because my husband knows that when I DO say something, it is usually important and worth considering.
Again it is just all about mutual respect and love and appreciation. There is no conflict or "power plays", like I see in many marriages these days.
20yrsinBranson
I don't doubt that you and your husband's marriage works very well for you both, maybe even better than most. It's great that in your marriage he asks your opinion and you willingly defer to him to make every decision. There's much to be said about picking and choosing your battles, but obey conveys that you do not battle at all, ever.
So what would you have done if he had said to you that he doesn't want you to take the cat to the vet? How long would you have stayed quiet if the cat would have become sicker?
I have a marriage with no power plays and very little conflict as well. I however, am a working woman and I do not defer like a wilted flower to my husband. I am equal to my husband as he is equal to me. If I want something I do not ask his permission. I can't imagine living in a 1950s marriage. It would never work for me. I have had a lifelong belief in equality as the basis for a good marriage and that is what i have taught my daughters.
I agree to this and I also when married was an equal partner as was he. My daughter I've raised to also be a equal partner to her husband.
Maybe some of you missed it but she said she discussed it with her husband.
I don't believe she said she had no say so in the decision.
No one likes ultimatums.
Not pushing your husband is a way of honoring his position in the marriage, just as he honors you by consideration.
Sorry 20, can not rep you, seems I often agree with you in various post.
All we are doing with our husbands is giving without expectation of receiving, but interestingly enough it usually is reciprocal.
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