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...A few years later when we were talking about our wedding and bachelor parties came up I told her about my friends party. Her response was that she would have called off the wedding had she found out. I responded that I found that to be ridiculous in that my friend was a great guy. I tried to explain that he probably felt very uncomfortable doing what he did, but that as the groom he was sort of obligated to play along a little bit. Needless to say she was not buying the peer pressure excuse. She literally told me that if I really felt that way then maybe we should not get married.
Had you intended to have a bachelor party including strippers? Because I think her concern was just that, given what you yourself admitted (peer/group pressure can push people closer to doing things they would not normally do), you might do the same thing if you ever found yourself in that situation. It would seem that while she didn't want to excuse what he did, she actually did agree with you that social pressure can play a big role in what people do. Mountains of studies have confirmed that the strength of a situation can overpower personality and values in a variety of ways. This is perhaps the most practical reason to steer clear of these types of bachelor/bachelorette parties, because just the right amount of alcohol and the right amount of pressure can overtake you.
That's not to say the man had a good excuse, however. He should've left at the first sign of trouble. I don't care what any man says, it's dangerous for any sexually healthy male to be around that kinda stuff for too long. Perhaps it's the overestimating of the strength of one's own values that keeps men from "fleeing temptation" in the first place. But it's a foolish gamble to take.
Going back to "first sign of trouble" (and the question in the OP), though, it's hard for some to define that. For me, it's stripping in and of itself. I feel that if you expect a stripper at your bachelor party to not try and give you a lap dance, you're going to be surprised. But then, some guys might say a lap dance is fine, so long as there's no touching. Well I don't understand that either. Along with the alcohol and the group pressure, now you have a physiological response giving you yet another shove toward cheating... if we can say you weren't cheating already
Honestly - I think the bachelor/bachelorette parties should just be enjoying a fun night with the guys/gals. It isn't the last night of being single or a chance to sow some last wild oats - that night was the night before you started dating the person you are going to marry.
Had you intended to have a bachelor party including strippers? Because I think her concern was just that, given what you yourself admitted (peer/group pressure can push people closer to doing things they would not normally do), you might do the same thing if you ever found yourself in that situation. It would seem that while she didn't want to excuse what he did, she actually did agree with you that social pressure can play a big role in what people do. Mountains of studies have confirmed that the strength of a situation can overpower personality and values in a variety of ways. This is perhaps the most practical reason to steer clear of these types of bachelor/bachelorette parties, because just the right amount of alcohol and the right amount of pressure can overtake you.
That's not to say the man had a good excuse, however. He should've left at the first sign of trouble. I don't care what any man says, it's dangerous for any sexually healthy male to be around that kinda stuff for too long. Perhaps it's the overestimating of the strength of one's own values that keeps men from "fleeing temptation" in the first place. But it's a foolish gamble to take.
Going back to "first sign of trouble" (and the question in the OP), though, it's hard for some to define that. For me, it's stripping in and of itself. I feel that if you expect a stripper at your bachelor party to not try and give you a lap dance, you're going to be surprised. But then, some guys might say a lap dance is fine, so long as there's no touching. Well I don't understand that either. Along with the alcohol and the group pressure, now you have a physiological response giving you yet another shove toward cheating... if we can say you weren't cheating already
Well my wife and I both were on our second marriages when we got married and neither of us intended on having a bachelor/bachelorette party. She was truly just upset with my view of the situation. You'd have to know my friend to truly understand the situation. Under normal circumstances he would NEVER do anything like that. But when you've got 20 guys at the party the whole mob mentality takes over. I could tell he was shocked, as was everyone, at what the girls were doing. I just could not understand why a women would want to give up a great life with a great guy over his conduct at his bachelor party. Obviously if he actually had physical contact or did the deed that would be different. But absent of that I think calling off a wedding and breaking a relationship up over that seems absurd to me. And FWIW they are still happily married with two kids.
Well my wife and I both were on our second marriages when we got married and neither of us intended on having a bachelor/bachelorette party. She was truly just upset with my view of the situation. You'd have to know my friend to truly understand the situation. Under normal circumstances he would NEVER do anything like that. But when you've got 20 guys at the party the whole mob mentality takes over. I could tell he was shocked, as was everyone, at what the girls were doing. I just could not understand why a women would want to give up a great life with a great guy over his conduct at his bachelor party. Obviously if he actually had physical contact or did the deed that would be different. But absent of that I think calling off a wedding and breaking a relationship up over that seems absurd to me. And FWIW they are still happily married with two kids.
Never have the bachelor/bachelor party the night before the wedding. It should always be the weekend or two weekends before. For one thing, booze will swell you up and make your clothes tighter--clothes that have been measured and fitted. For another, who wants to puke and feel gross on their wedding day?
Just one aspect of the sacred institution of legal marriage
How far is too far? You know, figuring one can assume their new spouse wouldn't lie (or let them believe a lie) about what actually went down the night before they said "I do"?
All I know is, if/when I am blessed to actually get married in the future, I will *not* have a bachelor party...in fact I would specifically insist that one *not* occur for me, in the event of a wedding Not interested in having one...
This question really hits home with me, because my wife almost broke off our engagement based on my beliefs regarding a friends bachelor party. So here is the story:
A good friend of mine was getting married and his best man planned the bachelor party. This friend of mine was a really good guy. He would never be unfaithful to his wife to be. His best man was also married and a really good, clean-cut guy. So the best man hires an agency to bring two strippers to his house. He didn't really inquire as to what would go on. He just let them do their thing. Well they got way more risque than anything I'd ever seen from strippers before. They brought out toys and one of them put the vibrator in her mouth and inserted it in the other girl. They then asked the groom to take over. He never actually touched her, but it was way more than I know he anticipated happening. The girls also put blow-pops in their ***** with the sticks half way cut off and then had the guys pull them out with their teeth. No physical contact happened, but it was quite risque.
Well I was not even dating my wife when it happened. A few years later when we were talking about our wedding and bachelor parties came up I told her about my friends party. Her response was that she would have called off the wedding had she found out. I responded that I found that to be ridiculous in that my friend was a great guy. I tried to explain that he probably felt very uncomfortable doing what he did, but that as the groom he was sort of obligated to play along a little bit. Needless to say she was not buying the peer pressure excuse. She literally told me that if I really felt that way then maybe we should not get married.
[URL="http://******************"][IMG]http://******************/vomit-smiley-9529.gif[/IMG][/URL] That is DISGUSTING.
"Gee, honey, where did you get that cold sore?"
"Pulling a lollipop out of a stripper's hoo-ha with my teeth."
If you're close enough to smell the "scent of a woman," you are too close.
My friends say that many bachelorette parties are pretty wild in Europe....like homeruns on a few of them...not sure if true, but they showed me a few videos..
All I know is, if/when I am blessed to actually get married in the future, I will *not* have a bachelor party...in fact I would specifically insist that one *not* occur for me, in the event of a wedding Not interested in having one...
I had two bachelorette parties! One of them - we started out at an Asian fusion restaurant, went to an improv club, then went to some bars and danced to some bands! It was awesome! I did drink a lot - but it wasn't about strippers or enjoying my last night being single. I wasn't single - I was engaged. We just had a great time - ate, drank, played some silly fun games, and danced! My second bachelorette party - we went out for sushi and then Karaoke! It was fun, too! My husband's bachelor party was just dinner and some drinks at a bar. Bachelor/bachelorette parties don't have to be about strippers and sex - it can just be a fun night out with your friends. We got married in Hawaii - so a lot of our friends came out for the whole week. Our bachelor/ette parties were just another activity that we did with our friends during the week before our wedding.
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