Got A Wedding Invitation In The Mail Today Which I Don't Understand. (message, formal)
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All our grandparents were too ill to attend our ceremony. Imagine if I did not invite her. "Sorry grandma, I've decided you aren't welcome at my wedding because The Big Lebowski on the Internet said it would look like gift grab if I gave you the option of deciding for yourself."
Sometimes there are relatives or close friends that you know probably will not be able to attend the wedding, the uncle that owns a small business and works seven days a week, your favorite cousin whose due date is your wedding date, your very elderly & ill grandmother who is in a wheelchair and can not travel, your best friend who is fulltime caregiver for her husband is dying of cancer.
These people would be down right hurt if they did not receive an invitation because you decided for them that they "could not make it" so don't send them an invitation. And, IMHO, it is NOT a gift grab to invite your uncle, your favorite cousin, your grandmother and your best friend to your wedding.
All our grandparents were too ill to attend our ceremony. Imagine if I did not invite her. "Sorry grandma, I've decided you aren't welcome at my wedding because The Big Lebowski on the Internet said it would look like gift grab if I gave you the option of deciding for yourself."
Well, you completely missed my point if you thought I was talking about grandparents - who are close family; I was not talking about people like grandparents, parents, siblings, etc. If this is what it sounded like, I apologize - that was not my intent. Nuances are hard to "verbalize" when posting online.
I meant people who you aren't close friends with (more like acquaintances) or family who invite you to a wedding when they know you can't come. I believe these kinds of invites are veiled requests for gifts. This has been my specific personal experience, and I resented getting these invitations - since I felt it meant that they were expecting a gift from me.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 12-10-2015 at 11:54 PM..
I meant people who you aren't close friends with (more like acquaintances) or family who invite you to a wedding when they know you can't come. I believe these kinds of invites are veiled requests for gifts. This has been my specific personal experience, and I resented getting these invitations - since I felt it meant that they were expecting a gift from me.
They're close enough to be spending Christmas with, so I doubt the OP is talking about a casual acquaintance. And how are you supposed to know someone isn't going to come if you don't ask?
My thoughts exactly! Who has personal stationary these days? I've been responding to wedding invitations for 20 years and every one of them has included a RSVP. I wouldn't send a text or email to RSVP for a wedding though. That I find tacky. I do understand those who do though especially the younger crowd. Times change.
I think an email is most convenient for the person planning the wedding, if it's an option. Then they can easily keep track of who rsvped, get back to you when ever....instead of answering 200 phone calls.
But I did say text or email because the person was talking about writing.
Personal stationary? What century are you living in. You mean send them a text or email. Right?
Proper etiquette is proper etiquette no matter what the century. Most people I know have personalized stationery. I also write thank you notes for gifts I receive, or to the hostess if I spend the weekend at somebody's house.
There are still debutante balls, coming out parties, etc.
I also say "best wishes" to the bride, never "congratulations" !
Well, you completely missed my point if you thought I was talking about grandparents - who are close family; I was not talking about people like grandparents, parents, siblings, etc. If this is what it sounded like, I apologize - that was not my intent. Nuances are hard to "verbalize" when posting online.
I meant people who you aren't close friends with (more like acquaintances) or family who invite you to a wedding when they know you can't come. I believe these kinds of invites are veiled requests for gifts. This has been my specific personal experience, and I resented getting these invitations - since I felt it meant that they were expecting a gift from me.
You BELIEVE they were requests for gifts. That doesn't mean they were. Your experience is what you are making it. Nothing more.
Proper etiquette is proper etiquette no matter what the century. Most people I know have personalized stationery. I also write thank you notes for gifts I receive, or to the hostess if I spend the weekend at somebody's house.
There are still debutante balls, coming out parties, etc.
I also say "best wishes" to the bride, never "congratulations" !
So to answer the question, you are living in the 19th century
I'm all for writing hand written thank you notes, and proper etiquette, but, no, I don't own personalized stationery.
I meant people who you aren't close friends with (more like acquaintances) or family who invite you to a wedding when they know you can't come. I believe these kinds of invites are veiled requests for gifts. This has been my specific personal experience, and I resented getting these invitations - since I felt it meant that they were expecting a gift from me.
I've been invited to weddings where I received the invitation and had no intention of going. I did not buy a gift either. It did not impact my relationships with these male friends. No one probably even noticed that I wasn't there (not a close friend of the groom either, in one case it had been 5 years since I saw the groom in person).
When I received those invitations, I wondered why they even bothered to print them since I was not going to go. I did return them back indicating my non-attendance though.
I think an email is most convenient for the person planning the wedding, if it's an option. Then they can easily keep track of who rsvped, get back to you when ever....instead of answering 200 phone calls.
But I did say text or email because the person was talking about writing.
I wouldn't call either. And you wouldn't get 200 phone calls all at one time. I don't know anyone who invited 200 people to their wedding. Wedding invitations come with a RSVP. I was invited to 2 weddings this year and they both had the RSVP. One was faaaaaaaaaaaar from a tradition wedding. I wouldn't even call it a wedding. A joke is more like it.
Proper etiquette is proper etiquette no matter what the century. Most people I know have personalized stationery. I also write thank you notes for gifts I receive, or to the hostess if I spend the weekend at somebody's house.
There are still debutante balls, coming out parties, etc.
I also say "best wishes" to the bride, never "congratulations" !
I know no one who has personalized stationary besides business people...and then I guess it's business stationary...not for personal use.
I have never had personalized stationary. Where do you even get that?
Never met someone who went to a debutant ball , nor have I. Are coming out parties for gay people? Now that makes sense.
I also don't say congratulations to the bride. Who has time for all those syllables. "Congrats" is more efficient.
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