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Location: where people are either too stupid to leave or too stuck to move
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annerk
We lived in NJ in an area with a higher COL than NYC and managed. We set our priorities on our needs and a few modest wants. While our friends were driving expensive SUV's and buying 4000 s/f new homes, we drove a Saturn and a Dodge and lived in a "used" 1600 s/f condo with mismatched appliances in three different colors and ugly blue carpeting.
When we built our current home we didn't splurge on the $50K in kitchen upgrades that most of our neighbors did. I spent extra on a tip out under the sink for the sponge and a pull out spice rack. Oh, and a Lazy-Susan in a large corner cabinet. I think it totaled about $300 in kitchen upgrades. We put our upgrade money into making the house energy efficient and more cost effective to maintain instead of "fancy."
I make a good salary. I also have a student loan. A car payment. And a kid in college. I am barely making it. Scrape. Maybe it is my, "lifestyle", but I don't see how families can live on one income with those issues.
Is your kid helping with the college costs? If not, he/she should step up and get a job to contribute to his/her education. And as for student loans...what are your monthly payments? What about your car? Maybe you could downsize.
My husband quit his job a month after we closed to go back to school for his masters, I supported us on my f/t job (~$40K) plus I had a p/t job some weekends tending bar at banquets and private parties--generally made about $200 a month.
After he graduated our income began to gradually rise to a decent level for that area. But we didn't allow our standard of living to rise with it--not much anyhow. We did eventually replace that terrible blue carpet. Still had the white fridge, cream range, and black dishwasher when we sold it.
Her husband alone makes 6-figures (pretty high position in a Fortune 200 company)
I'm sure she makes a pretty good salary too, probably in the $75,000 to $100,000 range at the very least.
What we make now has absolutely ZERO bearing on what we made when we bought our first home.
PS--My husband isn't a manager or executive, as I stated previous. What he makes is pretty average for someone in his field with his education and experience.
My husband quit his job a month after we closed to go back to school for his masters, I supported us on my f/t job (~$40K) plus I had a p/t job some weekends tending bar at banquets and private parties--generally made about $200 a month.
After he graduated our income began to gradually rise to a decent level for that area. But we didn't allow our standard of living to rise with it--not much anyhow. We did eventually replace that terrible blue carpet. Still had the white fridge, cream range, and black dishwasher when we sold it.
Would you have qualified for your mortgage with only your job?
Would you have qualified for your mortgage with only your job?
Barely, but yes. Our PITI was about 32% of my income, but we had no other debt, perfect credit, 10% of our own money down (ie we had saved it, it wasn't gift funds) and our housing costs went down by $150 a month over what we had been paying in rent, so we would have been approved on just my income.
Actually a lot of people care. This entire Convo is clearly based on different people having different opinions about the benefits of a parent staying at home with children, and the art of homemaking. It's not just for scene to stay at home and sit on their butt.... Most families who have a parent or want a parent to be the homemaker.... Is to d just that. To have a parent available for the children at all times, to help kee the home clean, warm, and inviting. To cook and make meals instead of fast food all the time etc. of course there are different opinions in whether or not that makes a difference for one family or another.... But I know many men that love having their wives at home... Running the household and playing a huge role in the nurturing and growth of the children.
Folks have different priorities... And as many would say your not always guaranteed a tomorrow. That's not an excuse to not plan and be prepared the best that you can.... But again, not everyone, but some people don't mind a certain lifestyle to make sure their priorities are taken care of. Those priorities are different for each person.
So is to possible to live on one salary in this day in age? Yes absolutely. Is it probably much more difficult to do than in the past? Yes.... Absolutely. Luckily we all have the choices to make for our own families. :-)
Just because something is possible doesn't mean it's smart. There is nothing, researchwise, to support that results are different based on whether mom SAH or WOH. This is just a preference. One that can cost a family dearly.
I don't care if you want to scrimp and save to not work for a living but many use programs like WIC and turn around and expect government hand outs to send your kids to college. If you can afford to handle YOUR responsibilities without working, congratulations. If you're expecting hand outs from me...get a job. Too many times, scrimping and saving to SAH means I have to help them SAH. I don't think I should have to do that. I have my own family to take care of.
I also think the risk of SAH is theirs and not mine. Don't come whining that you need more in social security because you never saved and your pension is small because of the years you didn't work. I shouldn't have to foot the bill for that either. I know several now divorced ex SAHM's who are in dire straits because of their decision to SAH and two who thought they'd be able to work later only to find due to their illness or their dh's illness they can't. As the saying goes, make hay while the sun shines. You can't count on sunshine tomorrow.
SAH is, simply, not something worth gambling with your family's financial future to attain and it's stealing to take hand outs to do it.
As far as running households and nurturing children...what do you think working parents do? You don't have to be home all day to do either. This is not all or nothing and kids don't need 24 x 7 nurturing. Look back through history. They never had it before. It's only been recently (since the 1950's) that we've had the luxury of one parent not working. Before that, both parents worked the family farm and worked to keep the homestead up and made things and traded. Working moms have been the norm throughout history. The only difference now is we have day care providers instead of using older siblings or relatives too old to help out in other ways to watch the kids. Parents have worked and nurtured their kids throughout history. If anything, we lavish too much attention on our kids and expect too little out of them compared to their historical couneterparts.
Personally, I don't think SAH is worth scrimping and saving to attain even if you can do it without asking for hand outs. Seems much more prudent to plan for your family's financial future. Now if you're able to have security and stay home, congratulations. You won the lottery. Enjoy not working for a living.
When my kids were little, leaving them was hard but looking at the economy now, I am so glad I made that decision. We're not well off by any means but we're much better off than we would have been if I had SAH. My SIL who did SAH regrets that decision as she and my brother will likely never be able to retire because of that decision. My sister, who is now divorced (and said it could NEVER happen to her), now regrets not devleoping marketable skills. She has 3 more years before alimony runs out and she's on her own. Her plan is to find a husband who can support her. She's 50. I'm thinking the odds are not in her favor. She's more likely to end up living in one of our basements. This decision comes with serious risks for the family and the spouse who SAH. It's just not worth it in most cases.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 08-26-2012 at 05:50 PM..
My wife is a SAHM and it has been great......of course we always lived below our means and financially it was not such a big hit losing her income. We are very grateful for her time these last three years with the twins, life for them has been fantastic, trips home to New England for the summer with family along with Christmas there to. They have been to children's museums and aquariums from Atlanta to Boston, and just recently visited Niagara Falls. For the most part a lot of working moms we have spoken to has admitted they feel they missed out by not being there for the first few years, but everyone has a different situation. It is not easy in this day and age to stay home as it is financially a burden.
On another note I see so many of my friends whose wife's work and it seems to me they are chasing some sort of American dream that is not realistic. The best of everything and they are so financially clueless and in debt up to the hilt. Underwater homes and everything credit will buy. I wonder what their children will expect?
Would you have qualified for your mortgage with only your job?
I don't think it takes much to qualify for a mortgage these days if your credit is good, so long as you're not looking for a McMansion or something. There are plenty of 2 bedroom/1 bathroom houses out there going for next to nothing these days. Many would be better bought on a 5 year loan as opposed to a 30 year mortgage. Even better deals can be had if your willing to put some work into a fixer upper.
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Still had the white fridge, cream range, and black dishwasher when we sold it. 
