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Are there any other co-workers who you could ask quick questions to? Maybe you can re-focus and try not to get flustered because then you cannot think straight. Maybe you can write down a list of questions and ask her when she has time if you could go over some things. Tell this these are issues I need some clarity and write down the answers.
I know it is a rough spot but try another approach with her before you give up.
There is the quiet one who is a good resource, and there is also another woman who for some reason does not talk to my boss at all. She actually will not talk to my boss. My boss blames it on the woman and said that one day the woman just refused to continue working with her. Red flag much??
If you have experienced what I have experienced with this boss, you would not be saying this. I do agree that in some cases, the advice in that post is what should be followed. But in my case I am being put in a no win situation with ever-changing standards and it's not right. If I lay down and take it, that just invites her to continue with that treatment of me.
I'm with you on that. I never have put up with condescending attitudes from supervisors. So far, I never have been fired for standing up for myself. If you talk down to me, I will defend myself and I won't be nice about it. I can't stand cowards who tuck their tails between their legs and grovel before abusive jerks.
I'm with you on that. I never have put up with condescending attitudes from supervisors. So far, I never have been fired for standing up for myself. If you talk down to me, I will defend myself and I won't be nice about it. I can't stand cowards who tuck their tails between their legs and grovel before abusive jerks.
It's a thin line to walk because after all, it is your boss. And if your boss is like mine and is already trying to make you look bad, standing up for yourself can then be used as ammo to mark you as "insubordinate" or "difficult".
I just wonder what the hell happened with my other coworker to make her refuse to interact with my boss. I don't know her well enough yet to ask her. Probably the same thing that's happening to me.
why do you women continue getting jobs where your boss is another woman.......you will never win.Ever. She will set you up to fail or get you demoted. Or force you to quit so you don't get unemployment. She will secretly give your prospective employers bad references on you. You don't remember high school? You forgot what it's like when your group leader is another female? You forgot college (if you went)? You don't know what sororities are like? Just turn on the TV or look in the papers. The stories are there. Many of the threads on here are so incredibly repetitive. Why do you think there are so few women CEOs in F500 corporations? Do some research...and work for a man next time.
I hate to say this, but I agree somewhat. While there are some excellent woman bosses', and as a guy I'd have no issue reporting to one, the most obnoxious relationships , in most cases, appear to be a woman reporting to another woman.
There is the quiet one who is a good resource, and there is also another woman who for some reason does not talk to my boss at all. She actually will not talk to my boss. My boss blames it on the woman and said that one day the woman just refused to continue working with her. Red flag much??
If I was you, I would try and build a relationship with these two co-workers so you seek guidance and assistance from them which will also limit the interactions you have to have with your boss. Also, she will not know every little thing you are asking questions about.
It is very important not to discuss your issues with your boss with any of these co-workers.
I have been at my job for only two months. From the first week, my boss has been criticizing my work very harshly, and it seems personal to me.
She points out small errors I make and tells me that I should "know" not to make them, even though they are things that are specific to the industry which is brand new to me. I came from a very different setting and while many of my skills are transferrable, I am still in the process of learning the ropes in the new industry and there is no way that I can know what the standards are until she tells me. She acts like I should have this knowledge magically transplanted into my head already.
Nearly every time I go to her with a question, it's the same type of response. Then she turns around and complains to me that I don't ask her enough questions, or the right type of questions! She seems to have these expectations in her head for me that she has never outlined for me, yet I am being held to them nonetheless. I feel like she is backing me up against a wall and making it so that I can do nothing right. It feels more like she is trying to control me or cut me down than actually help me learn.
I have been very close to losing my temper multiple times but I am smarter than that, so I keep it cool and defend myself but she will not budge. One coworker commented to me that he thinks she is threatened by me and wants to keep me "in my place".
Does this not sound totally personal???
I read this post and I literally got chills because I was in this same EXACT situation. I am half tempted to ask if you work for my ex boss! I will say that dealing with a manager like this was the WORST experiences in my career and I can only hope I never experience another person like this again.
OP, you were given some good advice on here and I would consider what some have suggested. I will say that she is not going to change. She is a border line sociopath. I am a guy and I don't understand why female managers like to cut people up, especially other women. I'm not saying all female managers are horrible because I have worked with some great women over the years but it seems lately that I read the same stories over and over on citydata about female managers belittling those around them. If anything women are supposed to EMPOWER women.
Stay strong OP. All I can say is I had many sleepless nights working for that woman. I started losing weight, hair was falling out, would have dreams about work etc...it was horrible. Eventually I quit and it was the best decision I ever made. My health is way more important than work!
I read this post and I literally got chills because I was in this same EXACT situation. I am half tempted to ask if you work for my ex boss! I will say that dealing with a manager like this was the WORST experiences in my career and I can only hope I never experience another person like this again.
OP, you were given some good advice on here and I would consider what some have suggested. I will say that she is not going to change. She is a border line sociopath. I am a guy and I don't understand why female managers like to cut people up, especially other women. I'm not saying all female managers are horrible because I have worked with some great women over the years but it seems lately that I read the same stories over and over on citydata about female managers belittling those around them. If anything women are supposed to EMPOWER women.
Stay strong OP. All I can say is I had many sleepless nights working for that woman. I started losing weight, hair was falling out, would have dreams about work etc...it was horrible. Eventually I quit and it was the best decision I ever made. My health is way more important than work!
I am going to leave, it's just a matter of how long I can stick it out before I find a new job. Whatever her insecurities are, I don't deserve to have them taken out on me. I have a very positive work history and I won't be made to look like an idiot. All I have ever needed from her is support, not judgment. How can someone learn new material if they get smacked in the face every time they try?
Swim, learn how to play "the game" we had some" very very harsh always right" senior instructors MSG's who drilled us to no end, some guys quit on the spot while "others" just went through the motions until they could transfer out to another section. One day we went to the club after work, an old steely eye veteran sat down with me and said, young man, learn to play the game, find out with makes him tick, learn what his interest are and what drives him to be the way he is and learn to not only love it but also learn if your interest could be the same as his in some way, so, I took the advice and ran with it, lol. As time passed by we would talk about life in general and would agree on a lot of different things (always). Three years lator, a huge gig came down that only the best we're chosen, I was chosen for the post and moved on, it was because of him and his choice that sent me on my way, could not have made without him, the guys all said, how did you deal with that nasty no good fubar, looking back, I said to the boys..
Sounds like your boss is not management material and is quite possibly insecure and inept and views you as a threat as you are somewhat outspoken. I would ride it out while keeping your resume posted for other positions, I wouldn't just quit as others have recommended. But sorry you have to go thru this in the meantime.
While the situation isn't ideal, an abusive boss is less of a concern for me than, say, ridiculous hours (but often those two go hand in hand.)
Also find some subtle way to "reward" her for not acting abusive.. it could be something like leaving earlier on days when she's abusive to you.
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