This is a rant by someone who feels somewhat "unemployable." Please read it (unemployed, applications)

[pappjohn]

You are going to need to get another job, your debt is excessive and you can't avoid paying it.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by kmb501

Ask a correction officer; I'm just a teacher. No, I seriously doubt it. From what I've seen, they've got more legal protection than we do.

They are children, children need more legal protections than adults. When children are removed from a home, the state is responsible for them and that includes legal protection, as it should. Do you have any idea the degree of abuse these kids face in foster homes and other places where they are supposed to be protected? I feel very badly for the lack of empathy you seem to have for your students.

In the class I was in, none of the kids were there for serious crimes, they were expelled from normal schools for fighting, vandalism, threats or other similar problems, or were engaging in general delinquent behavior. These are not murderers OP is working with.
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[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by kmb501

I believe both of you that I need life skills training, but it's just really really really defeating to be in every other way a perfectly functional human being with often above average intelligence and relatively normal reasoning going through something like this. No wonder people overlooked me so much as a child. It's like people have seen the disabled person all of my life, and I've just recently been quite rudely awakened to it.

Ok. So you ranted and you got advice. Now do something about it.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

An employer giving you feedback about an interview is a far cry from a co-worker remarking to you that your hair is dirty or that you have B.O. OP is not close to any co-workers and none can be considered her friends. Someone did tell her she needed to wear a bra, but when there are 20 things, from bad breath to ill-fitting clothes to dirty hair to an odor to dark facial hair, I mean how much can you expect from co-workers? I would be reluctant to tell all that to anyone, and I am sure they know something is amiss with OP, perhaps they are anxious about how she might react.

KMB, the other co-worker who doesn't wear a bra may be smaller-breasted than you or chose thicker clothing and no one can tell if she's wearing a bra or not. Your breasts and/or nipples must have been either visible or very obviously unsupported and bouncing around for someone to notice and say that to you.

I don't wear a bra at work either, but I don't bounce and I wear a camisole and scrubs that are baggy and thick enough material that no one could ever tell. I would never not wear a bra if I wore thin scrubs one day because my nipples would show. It's not that there are different rules. In a setting like yours, with teen juvenile delinquents, it is detrimental to the students (and to you for that matter) if they can see so easily you're not wearing undergarments. Your co-workers were probably trying to save you embarrassment since you're already a target for the students' mockery as it is.

You complain no one gives you feedback, but then when someone does, you get defensive and complain that there are different rules that apply only to you and that the feedback you got was unfair.

Originally Posted by kmb501

Well, that may be the way it sounded, but let me explain. I was also wearing something loose and not really possible to see through. Plus, I had a tank top underneath my shirt, so I didn't think there was a way for anyone to see anything obvious. Someone still complained, though... The person who mentioned it even commented on my loose clothing and said that it looked like maybe I was trying to cover up that I wasn't wearing a bra that day.

Someone tried to be honest with you about a problem and you immediately became defensive and argued that it was not your fault. And you were confused about how they noticed. Well, they did. And, if one person noticed and said something to you I bet that many people noticed but did not say anything to you.

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

Yes, but you weren't wearing a bra that day, and it apparently WAS noticeable that you weren't. Again, you said yourself you don't know what you're doing wrong on your own, you need someone to tell you, then they do and you insist they are wrong. They KNEW you weren't wearing a bra, that means you didn't cover up that you weren't, period, end of story.

kmb, look at it this way. Let's say that you wore a bra to work every single day for four months, so for 80 plus work days not even one co-worker asked if you were wearing a bra or reminded you that you would get into trouble for not wearing a bra. Then on work day 81 (or so) the very first day that you were not wearing a bra a co-worker cautioned you that you would get into trouble for not wearing a bra.

Obviously, it was noticeable that you were bra-less.

[shanv3]

Originally Posted by kmb501

Hi,

When I was a child, I had big dreams and lofty goals. Even now, I often daydream about becoming a zookeeper, a famous writer and traveler, a model, and perhaps a private teacher with her own tutoring service. The problem, though, is I'm thirty years old, and these are still just dreams. Now, I went to school and got a couple of degrees, but it's still not that easy to find regular entertaining work. I majored in Education, but I work in a detention center, and I often find myself on the receiving end of reprimands, and I have been threatened with termination. I'm wondering if it's time to move on or if I should try to keep this until I find something better? I know it's not a good idea to quit with nothing lined up, and substitute teaching actually pays less than the job I have, but I need to do something.

Can you try becoming a private tutor?? Start with few kids first at your home or at their home.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by kmb501

I believe both of you that I need life skills training, but it's just really really really defeating to be in every other way a perfectly functional human being with often above average intelligence and relatively normal reasoning going through something like this. No wonder people overlooked me so much as a child. It's like people have seen the disabled person all of my life, and I've just recently been quite rudely awakened to it.

But someone who does not have the necessary life skills to be successful in life is NOT "in every other way a perfectly functional human being".

Yes, it may be defeating. Yes, it may be upsetting. But, unless you work to learn those life skills, IMHO, in ten years you will still be stuck in a dead-end job complaining about your ASD but not doing anything to improve your life.

And, ditto, twenty years from now.

And, ditto, thirty years from now.

And, ditto, forty years from now.

[shocktop]

This may sound like I'm attacking you but..why do you sound so negative about everything?

I been there done that, I have loans but not that high... I was the same way with negative attitudes. Made $25k/ year right after college. I found out "I" was my own problem. Started reading more and having a "positive" attitude. Asking people for help and always looking at the bright side.

You can start by NOT saying " I can't do this, I can't do that". Instead say , how do I improve myself or where do I start?

I got better at it and here I am at 29 making a little bit over double and expected to hit a higher pay. I'm not looking at..what if I don't hit the higher pay, my attitude is , I will get there maybe not today but tomorrow.

[Coney]

Originally Posted by aliss2

What are you expecting from these posters? What will they say differently than those of us in the education forum who have been giving the same advice for YEARS? Only for you to ignore it do stupid stuff like register for math classes in hopes of teaching it when you already have a master's in education?

I'm getting a bit annoyed by your ASD claims now, and i promise never to post to you again. I know many people with ASD and yes, it is a barrier to employment, BUT holy hell, do you ever cling to it like a crutch and use it to explain every single bad decision you continue to make. You sure seem to use it to justify everything, even stuff that comes down to your own bad choices and coasting in life. I don't understand why you don't seem to have more reason than my 7 year old with ASD. How much is ASD and how much of it is just being someone who avoids real life!??

Why do you keep baiting new CD readers. You have posted these issues on several other forums for years and years. Now you are on the work forum. People will go out of their way trying to help you and you will completely ignore them. You are not being fair to CD members. Please just stop. You have gotten references and links and phone numbers for help and resources from myself and others who have all spent their own personal time trying to help you. Now you are looking for new blood. I know that you have serious issues and I feel for you. I really do. But asking the same questions over and over again for YEARS expecting some brand new answer and enlightenment is not going to happen. The people who have tried to answer your question are now your victims. Discuss this with your current therapist. This is not an ASD problem. This is an obsession.

[Coney]

KMB, the only reason that you still have this job is because (according to you) your therapist wrote a letter about your disability and gave it to your employer. Your employer is granting you a "reasonable" accommodation for your disability and you are protected under federal law against discrimination. They have to protect themselves against liability and a discrimination suit.

You keep stating that certain things like you did not anticipate that combing your hair would be a big deal or other appearance related issues would not be noticeable and if they were, no one would really care. It is a big deal and it is noticed. It is not to you because you have ASD. But to neurotypical people, it is a problem. You may never really understand why, but to function in society, in order to be financially independent, you will need to conform.

When a 3 year old has food all over his face, his mother tells him and helps him wipe his face with a napkin. When a 3 year old puts on shoes that do not match, his mother tells him and corrects him. No one tells you that you smell or your clothes don't fit and so forth because it is assumed that adults already have this knowledge. It is not the job of your co-workers or your boss to be your mother. They are not going to correct you. With ASD, you lack much self-awareness that NTs have.

You either need someone who will come to your house every single day and show you what to do until you can do this independently. I know some school districts provide this service to children who suffer what you go through. You need to find an agency that will do this for adults. While you may be high functioning ASD, there are agencies who perform this service for adults who are developmentally delayed. You need to find out if you qualify. The other alternative, is to go into an in-patient home where you will live with others and there will be someone there to show you basic living skills until you acquire them to live independently. Usually, these type of homes for the disabled are for people who are lower functioning than you are, but it sounds like you might benefit from some sort of halfway house type of program.

I don't think that you can just prepare lists and schedules by yourself. You need someone to start you off and watch you go through it until it has become habitual.

I would add to Germaine's idea of making lists is to set off audible alarms. Different sounds that would indicate different tasks, including a sound that would remind you to look at your schedule. It would break through the daydream. Not a lot of them because it would just become a bunch of confusing noise to you, but maybe 3 sounds that remind you what to do. You might forget to set these alarms, so you would need something like a clock radio or your phone that you would set and leave it set, for the same time everyday.

I know a male teacher who wears a black shirt and khaki pants everyday. Everyday. He said that he doesn't have time in the morning to think about his clothes. I would suggest that you pick out one color for your top and another coordinating color for your bottom clothing. It can be of different material and weight because of the temperature, but if you stick to the same colors, it would be a coordinated look and you don't have to figure out what looks "right." These would be your work clothes. On weekends, you can wear what you like. Keep your look for work simple.

You should also keep an extra pair of underwear and pants at your job. If you don't have any place to leave it at your job, then put them in an opaque plastic bag which you keep in your school bag/tote/briefcase with your school stuff.

[krmb]

Originally Posted by Coney

Why do you keep baiting new CD readers. You have posted these issues on several other forums for years and years. Now you are on the work forum. People will go out of their way trying to help you and you will completely ignore them. You are not being fair to CD members. Please just stop. You have gotten references and links and phone numbers for help and resources from myself and others who have all spent their own personal time trying to help you. Now you are looking for new blood. I know that you have serious issues and I feel for you. I really do. But asking the same questions over and over again for YEARS expecting some brand new answer and enlightenment is not going to happen. The people who have tried to answer your question are now your victims. Discuss this with your current therapist. This is not an ASD problem. This is an obsession.

I apologize if this is considered "baiting." I got a renewed interest in it after joining an ASD group online. A lot of the things they posted were depressing, and my therapist is out of the office and will return in a week or so. It's actually easier for me to vent on internet forums than to let her know all of these things. In fact, when she returns, I might give her access to this forum and let her read some of the posts. I apologize. I guess I am sort of using city data as a thought journal (before, I was paying to have access to an actual online thought journal). Thank you for the advice, everyone. You have honestly been very helpful. I don't mean to ignore the advice. It can just feel hopeless if you've had no success.

As for my posting being meaningless, I don't think it was. I learned what I should ask my therapist to do, and I also feel like I've gotten a lot of insight into why I'm not successful. Well, I don't know if I'm going to let my current therapist read this, because she may think that I don't appreciate the current effort she's put in to me. She really has worked with me a lot. I'm the one who didn't cooperate. Besides, I've shared everything with her, so she probably already knows that I hang out on this forum and vent. I don't think she would waste time reading my posts unless I asked her to, though.

I'm beginning to think that this is inappropriate and that I'm over sharing, but, as usual, I don't really know where to draw the lines. I do know that if someone wanted to, they could pretty easily figure out who I was in real life if they were familiar with the situations I posted or could easily gain access to other information about me, but I, like most people, gamble with the idea that that won't happen. I wish I didn't always think of these possible consequences after the fact. Look, everyone, I appreciate the advice. I think from now on, though, I'm going to look for a real online thought journal so that I don't keep frustrating everyone (if someone could post a link to a legitimate one, that would be nice; I'm leery of scams). I will try to take some of the advice posted, though. Thanks.