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My role is cross-functional and collaborative. My whole purpose is to work with other teams and get them to come to a consensus to develop systems / processes / workflows. This requires talking to everyone and working on lots of projects. I juggle half a dozen at a time. Not all of them require input from the same people.
I am not motivated by being in the spotlight and have spent little time on that. When I was the only person working on a certain set of projects it was clear and obvious that I worked on them. When someone else jumps in and tries to take credit for my projects it is a problem. Especially as the line between our roles is fuzzy. Better to let him have ownership of his own stuff so he can take all the credit (and blame).
You have to have an agenda at work - besides your day to day job - if you'd like to advance. I always have an agenda of skills I'd like to build, projects I'd like to work on...... it hasn't failed me so far, why stop now. The only reason I have the job I have now is because I made it my agenda to build a different set of skills that is more versatile that where I started.
Maybe if my job was "widget builder" I could coast on just being good at my job. That's not how it works though in my experience.
That's the issue. Define it with management. Period.
It's not sexism. If your jobs are similar, and the lines between them aren't defined, it isn't a sexist thing. It's a job thing. Get your role defined and focus on it, not him.
i posted about my new colleague a few weeks ago, and he is still annoying. And also sexist. At first i thought i was hallucinating, but my other team mates noticed how he treats me wildly different than my male teammates.
Example 1:
When i give him an overview of a process in place that i have set up, he questions why/how/validity of said process and wants me to justify - to him - that is logical. Keep in mind we are technically peers, and i have more tenure at the company. He is new - about 2 months in. I have historical context.
When my male colleagues have a similar situation, he says "ok," and doesn't ask any additional validation questions.
Example 2:
He tries to repeat my ideas / comments in meetings. Word for word. As if he is coming up with something new. Colleagues have been chiming in and saying "yeah, just like jade said a minute ago."
the other behaviors are not necessarily rooting in sexism. He spends a lot of time talking, more accurately rambling to show knowledge. He wants to have "knowledge" on every topic even if he knows nothing. He also doesn't admit he was wrong about something, he tries to re-spin it as a clarification even when he was flat out wrong.
I can also see him trying to claim ownership of my ideas and work.
So far many of my colleagues have noticed, and have commented to me. But he hasn't interacted much with his boss so she hasn't witnessed this behavior and has been out of town for the last month off and on. Also - not a hands on manager. And i don't know if those people are sharing those observations more broadly.
He is also clever and changes his behavior based on the audience, so it doesn't look like he is a jerk. I.e. Having conversations when he needs clarification vs sending ims - so there will be a record. But he sends its when he wants to claim he did something - or he has knowledge on a topic.
It is pretty annoying, and at this stage of my career i just don't have the mental energy to put him in his place. (which is what i did in the past). Too much other stuff going on in my life - and at work.
How doyou all deal with obviously sexist coworkers?
IT'S CALLED HUMAN RESOURCES! Go talk to them about it! I bet the harrassment stops!
He does sound like a jerk....But, none of your examples equals sexist imo
Your other co-workers see him for the jerk he is. That should make you feel vindicated at least.
I am not sure what you can do to protect your ideas, except document them in an email to your supervisor I suppose, before sharing them with your co-worker. Then when he tries to pull off his idea theft stunt, he'll look stupid and unethical to your boss hopefully.
Document everything - let him see you do it.
Practice saying this: "Nunya" Because really? What gives him the right to interrogate you about your ideas? Just being more familiar so he can spout it off in a meeting?
I'd be really careful around him. He sounds like someone who is used to stupid girls falling for his manure. (possibly grooming...?) You ain't so stoopid. He might think of you as a challenge. Don't set your drink down around him.
As I was told by a female boss (and it was true, even with her as my boss) "to be considered as good as the guys, you have to be better than the guys"
ETA: I see it as sexist. Treating you differently because you're female is totally sexist. Some guys don't even realize they're doing it and it goes away once they get to know me. Heck, I run circles around them anyway so they're pretty much "we are not worthy" LOL
Last edited by hunterseat; 04-04-2017 at 06:46 PM..
Look, just take a step back and get some perspective, it is probably something more innocent and simple. It could just be that no one really likes you.
Sounds to me like her co-workers like her just fine.
It's good they are standing up for you, Jade. Just step back and let the guy keep making a fool of himself.
I'll remain neutral in the sense that I entrust your perspective. Without having his "tone" or see his behavior in interacting with you, it's hard to say he is or isn't sexist. I dealt with genders that thru behavior showed very sexist actions.. Deliberately blocking or over talking in the mist of a presentation.
I had a female boss that was very covert in her distain for men... Yet I knew her underlying actions reeked of discord. Most of the guys dreaded her meetings..Emasculation can be cunningly done..
So Jade..He may just be cunning in his manuevers...Trust your instincts.
I think your best option to deal with this guy is to try to answer his questions in email/writing to create a trail. Even if you have a conversation, you can still memorialize it later in an email and send him a summary of what you discussed.
I think soon enough, he'll get tired of having you justify everything you say and send a copy of it to him in email when he's not getting that sort of email from anyone else. He'll quickly realize that if you have 25 emails justifying an office policy/procedure, it will look like he is just not catching on and might not be the best fit for the job.
I think your best option to deal with this guy is to try to answer his questions in email/writing to create a trail. Even if you have a conversation, you can still memorialize it later in an email and send him a summary of what you discussed.
I think soon enough, he'll get tired of having you justify everything you say and send a copy of it to him in email when he's not getting that sort of email from anyone else. He'll quickly realize that if you have 25 emails justifying an office policy/procedure, it will look like he is just not catching on and might not be the best fit for the job.
This is actually a good tactic. You might take this a step further.
1.Either cite his email questions and CC mass reply your response to the whole group...which serves to document your ideas as your own.
2.Develop a presentation to give in a meeting citing his ongoing questions as a basis of doing your presentation. to bring everyone up to speed.
It will make him look incompetent and it will get your ideas out there without his being able to claim them as his own. Or, if he has clamed them already, unmask this to your supervisors and reveal him for the liar he is.
I posted about my new colleague a few weeks ago, and he is still annoying. And also sexist. At first I thought I was hallucinating, but my other team mates noticed how he treats me wildly different than my male teammates.
Why don't you ask him why he's acting like a dick? Before you rush to some conclusion that really doesn't matter anyway. He's a sexist. He's a whatever. He's being a dick. Ask him why.
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