Exposed- Part 20

It has been just over a year since I posted in my blog. What a year it has been.
Bill had a Aorta Aneurysm in his lower stomach. That was taken care of with an operation, that was successful. A few weeks later Bill had to have another operation because it seems the Aneurysm had narrowed the arteries going to his legs and with the removal of the Aneurysm, the blood flow collapsed the stent in his left Femoral artery. So that was another operation. The graft collapsed a few more times and it led to a few more operations.Then suddenly it seems the dam burst and Bill was getting a operation just about every two weeks. His surgeon was wonderful and was trying to save Bill's leg. But Bill ended up having his left leg amputated just above the knee at the end of June.
He went to rehab and learned how to transfer from bed to wheelchair and was doing super and then Phantom Pain took up residence. Phantom Pain is a freaky thing. The part of his leg that was removed was hurting with pain levels 10 plus.
Bill was doing great and even had a prosthetic leg made, things were looking good until Bill developed a tempature of 102 and ended up in the hospital again. It seems that the conditions were perfect in Bill's system and MRSA was thriving and growing, along with 2 other lesser infections. The 2 Doctors that Bill had, gave him his options. They could do exploratory surgery and try to find the root of the MRSA infection and remove it if they were lucky enough to find it, but neither Dr. thought chances were good that he would survive exploratory surgery. So he called me into his room and told me what his doctors had said and he said he opted to go on Hospice. I was sitting there stunned trying to get my head around the turn of events and I said..."You don't need Hospice, that's for people who are dying" He said "Well I am." I told him "You've been dying ever since I met you! This isn't any different." I told him that I thought he'd had enough surgeries in the past year, we'd take our chances with MRSA.
September 1 he signed on with Hospice and we started a crazy cycle of people coming and going. Bill still had high levels of pain, so the doses of Morphine kept being raised till he no longer could function daily. He lost his appetite and lost weight, he dropped from 225 lbs to 130 lbs.
We spent a lot of time on the sofa drinking coffee and talking about everything. We were in this together and we were a team.There wasn't any resentment simmering on my part, because I was the caregiver. I did the best I could for him and if he got petulant or demanding we'd talk things out. It was a difficult and exhausting time. Bill realized he was getting weaker and he was tired of living in pain. The pain settled in his back, and he couldn't get comfortable at all. He told me one day he had been thinking of taking a handful of pills and just ending the pain.
I was mortified and told him, you can't do that, imagine what I'd go threw with reports to Hospice and everything.So he promised he wouldn't do anything like that. But I knew he was suffering and in pain and he hated being so dependent on me for everything.
The next day at 6:30 in the morning I am woke up from a sound sleep by Bill banging on the wall and yelling for me from the adjoining master bath.He fell transferring from the toilet to his wheelchair. I call the fire department to come pick him up. 4 guys show up and get him into bed. Well he was restless, he didn't want to stay in bed, so I get him in his wheelchair and bring him out to the living room, for 2 minutes before he wants to get back in bed. He reaches for the bed to balance himself, and slithers like a slinky onto the floor. I call our friend Sean to come pick him up. I'm exhausted and its not even 8 a.m. Bill gets on the phone to hospice and the Dr. office, stirs everyone up and it is decided he needs to go to the hospital because they think he may have had a stroke.
The ambulance gets here, I go outside with Petie so he isn't carrying on, they walk out with Bill on the stretcher, he yells over his shoulder, I love you! and they put him in the ambulance. I wave to him as I'm walking inside.
I'm in touch with the hospice nurse and she calls the ER and talks to the Dr. She keeps me updated all day long. I finally jump in the shower around 4 and as I'm getting out the phone rings. I pick it up and it is the Hospice nurse and the hospice Social worker.
Michelle the hospice nurse says when was the last you heard something about Bill? I said hours ago when I called there. So Michelle says well you know Bill had a DNR on file? I said yes of course I knew that. She continues and says Bill went into Cardiac arrest and they just let him go because of the DNR on file. So at 4:05 on November9, 2010, I lost my best friend and soulmate. I called the crematorium and asked them to pick up the body. I went to the ER to sign the papers for his body to be released. They brought me into the room where he was. His eyes were still open. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him good bye on the other cheek. I stood up and with tears pouring down my face told him, Well you are no longer in pain or suffering and for that I am glad. He had a long hard fight and I am grateful that for the last 5 years of his life, I made him happy.
Although I miss him deeply, I find comfort in knowing he isn't suffering any longer. And this is the final chapter in my blog.