I moved out.....Now what?
Posted 05-29-2012 at 05:00 PM by txtqueen
So I moved out of my mom's house about 6 months ago.
Granted I only had a drawer and some space in the bathroom at TG's apartment, I was STILL not LIVING at home.
Now I have pretty much gotten everything out, left stuff for a "spare bedroom" for them to do with as they please. Have family visiting or whatever.
Everyone told me to do this. Move out of your mom's house if you don't like it, get your own place and make your own rules, become independent and show your mom you're growing up, your mom really loves you blah blah ****ing blah.
I think I mentioned my laptop having some issues, well my mom burned a stolen copy of Windows 7 and told me it was going to fix ALL my problem, but now my laptop is screwed up even more and I can't do anything to fix it. When I installed it, it worked fine, I installed some anti-virus stuff on it and never used it very much. Maybe twice since putting the new OS on. I bring it over to our new place and the other night log in just fine, use it for a little bit, go for a walk and then I come home and try to log in and it doesn't work. Keeps telling me my password is wrong, even though I am POSITIVE I am typing it in right.
I tell my mom and she is of no help, telling me I must have done something wrong, that the virus must have embedded itself deeper than she thought.
I told her I need a LEGIT version of windows, not something stolen. I know, I am positive that it will fix it but she's telling me I don't need it, that *I* did something wrong.
I talked to my grandmother, asked if I could use some of my college fund to fix my laptop up so I can start slowly taking some classes again. My grandmother is 72 years old, she knows HOW to use a computer but knows nothing about computers. She told me to find out some prices and send her the links and she'd take care of it. I went to get a check to the college fund account from my mom (they are my grandmothers checks but my mom holds on to them), my mom lies and says she has none then calls my grandmother, tells my grandmother I don't know what I am talking about and that *I* broke my laptop and that it doesn't need a new OS.
I get a call from my grandmother who tells me, "Well I guess you're just going to send me your laptop info and I'll buy you the parts and your mom is going to fix the OS." My mom never is getting near my laptop again, ALL the computers in her house are having major issues, she doesn't know what she is doing.
But I am 22, she needs to stop stepping in and controlling my life and controlling how I handle things with other people.
When I was 19 and I visited my grandmother, she called my grandmother and told her I wasn't "allowed" to drive my grandmothers car. LMFAO @ allow, I was an adult in another state, allow my ass and it was my grandmothers car.
When I was 21 she didn't want me driving cross country to visit my grandmother, she called up my grandmother and told her that I wasn't an experienced enough driver, that I couldn't handle driving alone for that long, told her I was emotionally ready or mature enough, told her I wasn't allowed to drive there, that she didn't want me doing it.
And now this.
I am 22 years old, turning 23 in just a few months, I make more money than my mom does, because I actually have a job, I am supporting me, TG and feeding the dog until he gets his first check. I live in a nice place, everything is kept very clean and we're so much better off than my mom, my mom sits in her room, does nothing, lets her son run wild, stays up till all hours of the night and does nothing productive.
TG and I spent all day yesterday with his sister and niece. Planting flowers, doing yard work, cleaning up, BBQing out, while my mom was out buying ammo for my brother and his friend D to go shooting, when D is on medications for anger issues and has frequently talked about shooting and killing his parents.
Either way, I am an adult, a real adult now, so why does she think it is ok to step in, lie to grandmother so she can STILL try to control me? I've done all I am supposed to do and yet she still feels like she has any right at all to try and control me still. She seriously isn't a happy person unless she is making someone else miserable.
I am at a loss of what to do except cut off all contact for awhile and not speak to her whatsoever and tell my grandmother to not speak to my mom about me anymore and if my mom calls with her little game playing to hang up and not listen to it.
My mom is a liar, a mooch, a manipulator and she isn't happy unless she is dragging someone else down.
TG pretty much refuses to go over to my mom's house because he hates seeing what she does and how miserable it makes me, he told me he can't stand to see me upset over what she does to me.
I don't know how to handle this at all.
Granted I only had a drawer and some space in the bathroom at TG's apartment, I was STILL not LIVING at home.
Now I have pretty much gotten everything out, left stuff for a "spare bedroom" for them to do with as they please. Have family visiting or whatever.
Everyone told me to do this. Move out of your mom's house if you don't like it, get your own place and make your own rules, become independent and show your mom you're growing up, your mom really loves you blah blah ****ing blah.
I think I mentioned my laptop having some issues, well my mom burned a stolen copy of Windows 7 and told me it was going to fix ALL my problem, but now my laptop is screwed up even more and I can't do anything to fix it. When I installed it, it worked fine, I installed some anti-virus stuff on it and never used it very much. Maybe twice since putting the new OS on. I bring it over to our new place and the other night log in just fine, use it for a little bit, go for a walk and then I come home and try to log in and it doesn't work. Keeps telling me my password is wrong, even though I am POSITIVE I am typing it in right.
I tell my mom and she is of no help, telling me I must have done something wrong, that the virus must have embedded itself deeper than she thought.
I told her I need a LEGIT version of windows, not something stolen. I know, I am positive that it will fix it but she's telling me I don't need it, that *I* did something wrong.
I talked to my grandmother, asked if I could use some of my college fund to fix my laptop up so I can start slowly taking some classes again. My grandmother is 72 years old, she knows HOW to use a computer but knows nothing about computers. She told me to find out some prices and send her the links and she'd take care of it. I went to get a check to the college fund account from my mom (they are my grandmothers checks but my mom holds on to them), my mom lies and says she has none then calls my grandmother, tells my grandmother I don't know what I am talking about and that *I* broke my laptop and that it doesn't need a new OS.
I get a call from my grandmother who tells me, "Well I guess you're just going to send me your laptop info and I'll buy you the parts and your mom is going to fix the OS." My mom never is getting near my laptop again, ALL the computers in her house are having major issues, she doesn't know what she is doing.
But I am 22, she needs to stop stepping in and controlling my life and controlling how I handle things with other people.
When I was 19 and I visited my grandmother, she called my grandmother and told her I wasn't "allowed" to drive my grandmothers car. LMFAO @ allow, I was an adult in another state, allow my ass and it was my grandmothers car.
When I was 21 she didn't want me driving cross country to visit my grandmother, she called up my grandmother and told her that I wasn't an experienced enough driver, that I couldn't handle driving alone for that long, told her I was emotionally ready or mature enough, told her I wasn't allowed to drive there, that she didn't want me doing it.
And now this.
I am 22 years old, turning 23 in just a few months, I make more money than my mom does, because I actually have a job, I am supporting me, TG and feeding the dog until he gets his first check. I live in a nice place, everything is kept very clean and we're so much better off than my mom, my mom sits in her room, does nothing, lets her son run wild, stays up till all hours of the night and does nothing productive.
TG and I spent all day yesterday with his sister and niece. Planting flowers, doing yard work, cleaning up, BBQing out, while my mom was out buying ammo for my brother and his friend D to go shooting, when D is on medications for anger issues and has frequently talked about shooting and killing his parents.
Either way, I am an adult, a real adult now, so why does she think it is ok to step in, lie to grandmother so she can STILL try to control me? I've done all I am supposed to do and yet she still feels like she has any right at all to try and control me still. She seriously isn't a happy person unless she is making someone else miserable.
I am at a loss of what to do except cut off all contact for awhile and not speak to her whatsoever and tell my grandmother to not speak to my mom about me anymore and if my mom calls with her little game playing to hang up and not listen to it.
My mom is a liar, a mooch, a manipulator and she isn't happy unless she is dragging someone else down.
TG pretty much refuses to go over to my mom's house because he hates seeing what she does and how miserable it makes me, he told me he can't stand to see me upset over what she does to me.
I don't know how to handle this at all.
Total Comments 64
Comments
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If you want your mother to no longer have any control over your life, become 100% financially independent. Moving out doesn't mean jack unless you are willing to sever all financial links. It doesn't matter that it's your grandmother's money, you opened the door to your mother getting involved. That's the way of the world - if you want to not deal with someone else's opinion at all, then find a way to do it all on your own. Here's an exercise for you: forced choice - which is more important to you, the financial help from your grandmother or your mother having no awareness of or say in your life? The answer to that question will tell you what to do next, either tolerate your mother's involvement or figure out how to make it completely on your own.
ETA: Doing it completely on your own means that you will have to focus exclusively on "needs," not "wants." Some of the things we think we "need" we can actually live without, at least in the short term. Are you willing to live like that? Because that is what it takes to get others to have no say in your life.Posted 05-30-2012 at 06:32 AM by eastwesteastagain
Updated 05-30-2012 at 08:07 AM by eastwesteastagain -
[QUOTE=txtqueen;bt49729]OMG.
No id be taking it to work to do school classes.
Leaving him with out his computer all day on the weekends and at night during the week, which is now the only time he is home. It wouldn't be fair to him to ALWAYS be without his laptop because I was taking it to do school.
And my grandmother, I told you, my laptop is a school expense. I got dell to send me another copy of windows vista and then it was like $46 to replace the worn out parts, in a week I will have a functioning laptop and can take the conversational spanish class I really need, there is a large population of spanish speaking people here and I can't communicate with them.[/QUOTE]
But you're not in school so there's no need to make it sound like you could never get it fixed in time for school if it wasn't for your Grandma helping you out. If you can't save up $46 in a couple of weeks then you have a budgeting problem.
Don't throw your college money away on random classes. Talk to an advisor and make a plan.Posted 05-30-2012 at 08:25 AM by Dorthy
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[QUOTE=FinsterRufus;bt49750]Oh FFS.
It's only a school expense IF YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL.
You're only going to school in your head, that doesn't count.
Regardless, it is not adult and self sufficient to go running to your Grandma for less than 50 bucks, whatever it's for.
YOU set that in motion, so your mother's reaction was YOUR fault. If you don't want them interfering, then don't ask them for ****.
You need to find a career path and FOCUS. Willy nilly taking Spanish and whatnot is a waste of money and will look flakey to a prospective employer, when you go to do an internship at something. You need to save your money for when you go work for someone for nothing, which is how you start out in a career these days.
[B]You need to not be worrying about camping and Spanish, keep your bed on the floor like every other broke 20 something and FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE[/B].[/QUOTE]
Yes, to all of this. The bolded makes me want to stand up and clap.
Txt, you are so lucky that you have a free ride to college and you have yet to take advantage of that. It hasn't, however, stopped you from taking advantage of your Grandma. You complain that your mom is so lazy and that she lives off of your Grandma's money. Do you really want to go down that road and be that person because that is exactly where you are headed.Posted 05-30-2012 at 08:31 AM by Dorthy
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you knew your mom had the checks. In essence, she does have to approve. If she doesn't, get your #$%^ checks from your mom and be done with it. As has already been said numerous times, YOU started this by not just paying to fix your computer yourself. If you have to go running to grandma for a $50 expense, you'll be out on the street or back at mom's within 2 months.Quote:Originally Posted by txtqueen
No, she doesn't have to approve.
It's my grandmothers checks and my college fund.
She has no say in the matter, if my grandmother says do it, there is no "approving" for her to do. She has no say.
The only reason she has those checks is because they are linked to my grandmothers account. My grandmother transfers X amount into her account from mine, I write a check for that amount and cash it, then go buy school supplies or books. My grandmother gives my mom a check and tells my mom X amount of money (not my college stuff, my grandmothers money) and my mom goes and uses it for bills or groceries.
I need new tires soon, before winter no ifs and or butts about it, its not something I will be running to anyone for but my laptop is a school expense and another thing I realised I really need to take is spanish, I can't communicate with the cleaning crew here at work and I am very limited with jobs by not being able to speak spanish, I need to learn some spanish this summer, that IS one I need to take.
BTW, taking TG's laptop to work isn't the only way to take online classes. Most people work while they're at work, and take classes after work.Posted 05-30-2012 at 09:15 AM by Kibbiekat
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[QUOTE=txtqueen;bt49706]I can just use the college money now. [B]I have some left[/B].[/QUOTE]
I missed this comment the first time around. What do you mean when you say, "I still have some left"? Have you already spent a lot of your college fund without actually ever going to college? That's sad. Your Grandma set aside money for you to go to college and you've managed to spend that money on what exactly?Posted 05-30-2012 at 09:20 AM by Dorthy
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Good news!
You local CC is close to your home.
They even offer Interpersonal Communications! Aren't you happy to know that?Posted 05-30-2012 at 03:35 PM by DewDropInn
Updated 05-31-2012 at 06:51 PM by DewDropInn -
Quote:Originally Posted by FinsterRufus
Oh FFS.
It's only a school expense IF YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL.
You're only going to school in your head, that doesn't count.
Regardless, it is not adult and self sufficient to go running to your Grandma for less than 50 bucks, whatever it's for.
YOU set that in motion, so your mother's reaction was YOUR fault. If you don't want them interfering, then don't ask them for ****.
You need to find a career path and FOCUS. Willy nilly taking Spanish and whatnot is a waste of money and will look flakey to a prospective employer, when you go to do an internship at something. You need to save your money for when you go work for someone for nothing, which is how you start out in a career these days.
You need to not be worrying about camping and Spanish, keep your bed on the floor like every other broke 20 something and FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE.
A lot of jobs WANT you to be able to speak spanish.
Also taking those classes I listed would look good.Posted 05-31-2012 at 05:59 PM by txtqueen
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Thanks for broadcasting this post for all to see.Quote:Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Good news!
You don't have to drive to Littleton. Arapahoe Community College offers classes in Parker.
They even offer Interpersonal Communications! Aren't you happy to know that?
I know this already, that location doesn't offer the rest of classes I want.
And I have already taken IP already, which is why I said I wanted to take something like it.Posted 05-31-2012 at 06:00 PM by txtqueen
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My great grandmother set it up and saved but she only saved a little over $5000, which was never enough to finish school in the first place.Quote:Originally Posted by Dorthy
I missed this comment the first time around. What do you mean when you say, "I still have some left"? Have you already spent a lot of your college fund without actually ever going to college? That's sad. Your Grandma set aside money for you to go to college and you've managed to spend that money on what exactly?Posted 05-31-2012 at 06:01 PM by txtqueen
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You probaby could have at least completed your AA if you went to schoo FT worked PT and lived at home. Bonus being you'd have been busy and out of the house and away from your mom most of the time. And you'd have been done already. What a pity you are more interested in the money than what the money could have provided you.Quote:Originally Posted by txtqueen
My great grandmother set it up and saved but she only saved a little over $5000, which was never enough to finish school in the first place.Posted 05-31-2012 at 06:12 PM by maciesmom
Updated 05-31-2012 at 06:24 PM by maciesmom -
Ummm... You have chosen to post all sorts of details about where you live, where you work, etc, etc, etc. Maybe you should start thinking about that. (I'm the one who removed tg's name at your request. How did I know his name? You posted it. And you recently bragged about being seen IRL. How do you think that happened?)
Serious advice. Again. Be more careful.Posted 05-31-2012 at 06:47 PM by DewDropInn
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[QUOTE=txtqueen;bt49803]My great grandmother set it up and saved but she only saved a little over $5000, which was never enough to finish school in the first place.[/QUOTE]
$5,000 is a pretty significant amount of money to do something in terms of getting an education. You could use that in addition to a small amount of loans, apply for grants and pay the rest out of pocket. Like MM said, you could at least get an AA degree with that or a certification like an RN or something like that. You really should not be squandering that money away on things that you can pay for on your own, such as computer maintenance.Posted 05-31-2012 at 06:52 PM by Dorthy
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I removed it. It's up to you to edit your post if you so desire.
Again. Think about what you post if you don't want it broadcast to the world. Because the internet IS the world. It's your responsibility to be smart about what you post.Posted 05-31-2012 at 06:53 PM by DewDropInn
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I had my zip code up, I never mentioned specifics.Quote:Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Ummm... You have chosen to post all sorts of details about where you live, where you work, etc, etc, etc. Maybe you should start thinking about that. (I'm the one who removed tg's name at your request. How did I know his name? You posted it. And you recently bragged about being seen IRL. How do you think that happened?)
Serious advice. Again. Be more careful.
And that was a slip up, which I went back and changed right away.Posted 05-31-2012 at 08:27 PM by txtqueen
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[QUOTE=txtqueen;bt49813]I had my zip code up, I never mentioned specifics.
And that was a slip up, which I went back and changed right away.[/QUOTE]
I never saw your zip code posted but it was still very easy for me to figure out what town you lived in from the details you posted about it. I am glad to see that you have been more careful lately with refraining from disclosing so many details regarding your location.Posted 05-31-2012 at 09:11 PM by Dorthy
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Yeah I have and I don't know why anyone would just come right out and say it, there probably are some people who DON'T know.Quote:Originally Posted by Dorthy
I never saw your zip code posted but it was still very easy for me to figure out what town you lived in from the details you posted about it. I am glad to see that you have been more careful lately with refraining from disclosing so many details regarding your location.Posted 05-31-2012 at 09:38 PM by txtqueen
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TG needs to get his own car- plain and simple. And you need to quit blaming all of your problems on other peoplePosted 06-02-2012 at 10:07 PM by NEOhioBound
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He is getting his own car, hopefully within the next few months, so maybe I can start sleeping in on my days off. Just till 8am, all I ask. 6am every single day of the week is draining every last ounce of energy. Lol.Quote:Originally Posted by NEOhioBound
TG needs to get his own car- plain and simple. And you need to quit blaming all of your problems on other peoplePosted 06-03-2012 at 08:23 AM by txtqueen
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If that's true, about having no energy, seriously think about putting off having kids for a long while. Six hours a night and waking at 6am will seem like you had a weekend at a luxury resort after kids.Quote:Originally Posted by txtqueen
He is getting his own car, hopefully within the next few months, so maybe I can start sleeping in on my days off. Just till 8am, all I ask. 6am every single day of the week is draining every last ounce of energy. Lol.
Also, dude, if you have trouble finding a dollar for your change of address paperwork, rethink that good financial planning statement on your earlier blog entry.Posted 06-03-2012 at 09:03 AM by eastwesteastagain
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He had a gap in employment from his last job to this one and their pay period runs funny so he won't get his first check till the 15th of this month.Quote:Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain
If that's true, about having no energy, seriously think about putting off having kids for a long while. Six hours a night and waking at 6am will seem like you had a weekend at a luxury resort after kids.
Also, dude, if you have trouble finding a dollar for your change of address paperwork, rethink that good financial planning statement on your earlier blog entry.
Things have been rough and its been just my paycheck right now but I get paid the 7th and then he gets paid the next week and then I get paid the week after that and then that week after that he gets his first full check and from there on we'll never hurt for money because we'll be getting paid EVERYWEEK,
EVERY.....WEEEK! 660 my week and like 900 his week or something in that area. OH EM GEE.
But yeah just this past few weeks has been difficult but once its TWO incomes and not my 11/hr we'll be so much better off, then our financial plan will make sense but right now we have like maybe $10 till Wednesday and we need that for gas but my stuff for my laptop I think comes in wednesday so after I drop TG off after work I can go get my check since I'll be close to my main office, drive back to town, cash it and run over to the post office and see if my packages are in and just do it in store for both him and I, since he needs his done too.Posted 06-03-2012 at 09:34 AM by txtqueen
