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Let's be realistic here. What kind of man does something like that? She quits her job, finds another, moves all the way to Alaska, finds the rental, starts the job- all of the hard work- while he's supposedly tying up the loose ends back "home", and then all of a sudden he's not going? What kind of a-hole pulls a stunt like that? That's not "cold feet". That's rude, disrespectful, and completely uncalled for. You can do better than him, that's for sure.
Dunno. I'm still cussin'g and doing the drinkin'. Thankfully not crying.
He's older than me. I just turned 50, and he's 62. We both talked a lot about Alaska, but when I started looking for jobs it was supposed to be in "big sky country". I applied for and had interviews in places like Montana, Wyoming, and South Dakota, but I also applied for a position in Alaska, and Alaska is the one that offered me a job.
There was a lot of hand-wringing involved before I left, as to whether or not this was the right move for us. And I knew that he was ambiguous about it.
What concerns him - the cold, the damp, the rain, the fog - partly because some of that aggravates injuries he has had over the years, and partly because rain/fog is depressing.
That Juneau is land-locked. I know it sounds crazy - but he spent a lot of time on the ground in the military and a lot of time fighting bad guys as a cop in the mountains of eastern tn - exit strategies are important to a man like this.
But........I gave him many opportunities to say "don't go" and he didn't say it. I told him before I left that I would stop the plan NOW, and stay at my old job. He didn't stop me.
I asked him to come up with me for my interview, because I knew that a move to Alaska was different from any other move in any other part of the country. He didn't want to come.
I asked him a few weeks after i got here to come see the place - I didn't give a **** how much it cost. Come see the damn place and tell me then. I told him that I thought it was worth the money to fly up and see what he was getting himself into - he didn't want to spend the money.
I've told him about my job, which I think ultimately may turn into a cluster, because Juneau politics is a cluster. But it pays well, and we could save a bunch of money in just a few years. And a decent job (regardless of it's drawbacks) in a place like Juneau Alaska is not the worst thing in the world to be facing.
I'm getting drunk and the more I write the more pissed I'm getting. Sorry folks. I just didn't need him to lay this on me after the stress of the past 4 weeks.
Let's be realistic here. What kind of man does something like that? She quits her job, finds another, moves all the way to Alaska, finds the rental, starts the job- all of the hard work- while he's supposedly tying up the loose ends back "home", and then all of a sudden he's not going? What kind of a-hole pulls a stunt like that? That's not "cold feet". That's rude, disrespectful, and completely uncalled for. You can do better than him, that's for sure.
I'm sure all of that is going through her mind right now. I would not want to have to make this decision if it were me. He can have cold feet with all of the above you stated, however none of us are perfect. He may be very set in his ways and not everyone relishes the thought of moving to Alaska and sounds like he is one. I can only imagine how she is feeling right now and especially being in a new place. I'd be on the phone with all my friends venting my heart out.
Location: Big Island- Hawaii, AK, WA where the whales are!
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OK nobody bash me for this Please. When a guy that is also used to having things go their way, and I woman steps out saying this is what I want to do = move uproot etc. They kinda get freaked out. This is a general not all - Crying won't do anything but make your eyes puffed up, drinking won't help him or you. Although I have been known to do one or the ok one. It won't help. Give it a couple of days and good luck again...it is your choice.
I'm getting drunk and the more I write the more pissed I'm getting. Sorry folks. I just didn't need him to lay this on me after the stress of the past 4 weeks.
Oh please....don't be sorry and please feel free to use us as a sounding board.
Not everyone here agrees about everything but for the most part we are here for one another when the chips are down.
Location: Big Island- Hawaii, AK, WA where the whales are!
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Reputation: 796
OK with that post above was before your post. Sorry Babe. Cuss all you want and if you want to drink ok, vent here if you want we will all forgive you, just make sure all the cussing and drinking doesn't make the decision for you. Sigh but if it is what you want then what the hell no matter what go for it! And If a man holds you back from a job, house, etc then that in my mind ins't much of a man. Sorry I don't allow much tollarance other than accepting me for me.
Vent if you need but sounds like you have a strong heart and strong direction in life don't let someone take that away from you . But vent here before you make that phone call!
People should be careful about judging her husband - nobody knows him except Juneau. I get your frustration JB...it's got to be a major disappointment. But if he is serious about not moving, maybe you guys can divide time for a while - take visits back and forth etc. It will give you both clarity and help you make the right decision for you both as a couple in the long run. And he may come to love Alaska!
I really think if he would have taken a few days up here he might have felt better about it but since he didn't want to do it, I think he just has cold feet. It is a big move and a big change. So what do you think you will do after you cuss and have a drink? Sorry to hear this.
Let me add this: I am thinking that all along he was hoping you wouldn't like it and would change your mind and then when he found out you were checking out a house he realized you were serious and then had to tell you how he felt.
How do you feel about your job, living in Juneau, etc. Is it what you truly want? How would you feel returning to TN.? And most important is how much you love you're SO.
All good questions Pat. I've been wrestling with them all afternoon since I got the call.
I love him. He is the best relationship with a man I have ever had. And for a bit of an overachiever, relationships are not something I do very well.....
So what is the right thing to do - is a place and a job more important than a relationship? I should be saying no. But why did he let me take this whole Alaska-thing this far if he didn't want to come?
I also believe that you are correct - he was hoping that I would hate it here and want to come back of my own accord.
Well, I thought you were much younger, so obviously you've been together quite some time. Perhaps ditching him is not the right thing to do. If you were just starting out, in your twenties or even thirties, then I'd say it was the right time to start looking at the menu again. Good luck.
Well, I thought you were much younger, so obviously you've been together quite some time. Perhaps ditching him is not the right thing to do. If you were just starting out, in your twenties or even thirties, then I'd say it was the right time to start looking at the menu again. Good luck.
We've been together for 3 years.
Logging off guys. Thanks very much to everyone. You guys are awesome, and I appreciate your good thoughts.
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