[FreezeWarning]

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady
trying to exchange Yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller,
"Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.
Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
Hearing that, the Asian lady tried to hit him with her handbag,
then storming out of the bank, she was overheard saying,
"Fluc you white people too".

[snapper54]

These 2 babies were in the hospt and going to have operations. The one little baby look at the other and asked what he was going to have done. He told him he was having his tonsels taken out. The other baby said not to worry that he had that already and it was a piece of cake. Told him that when he was done that he would get ice cream for the next week. So the other one turned and asked what he was having done. He said he was getting circumsized. The other baby said with shock on his face that was the worse thing you could have done. He said that when he was born they did it to him and he couldn't walk for over a year.

[Hey-Ho!]

How many Arkansans does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Three... One young man to do the changing while two old men argue he's not doing it the way they'd do it!

[flyingscotsman]

A very well-known international furniture and interior decoration D.I.Y. Store recently set up a customer assistance department. The first call they got was from a lady who had purchased a wardrobe early in the morning. She explained that after assembly the wardrobe had crumbled three times when the public transport bus passed in front of her house. The store sent a technician over to her place. He reassembled the wardrobe - which was in the night hall on the second floor - and then went into it to observe what would happen when the bus, which was due a few minutes later, went by. The phone rang just then and the lady went downstairs to take the call. Just then her husband came home from work with a terrible flue condition. Hearing his wife on the phone he trudged upstairs where he found the wardrobe; on opening one of the doors and seeing the man inside he exclaimed "What the dickens are you doing in there!?!" To which the guy replied "I know you'll never believe this, but I'm waiting for the bus!!"

[Freeze Warning]

A rags-to-riches boss decided to hold a staff meeting at a small southern hospital data processing center. Most of his staff were locals, but one recently hired looked to be from up north. Wanting everyone to get along, the boss had cautioned his staff before the new girl started that she might strike them as strange but to try to be understanding. The boss decided to start the staff meeting by making some announcements; "Miss America will be visiting the hospital today," he announced, and then "I hope that doesn't offend anyone," he added, looking at the new girl, trying to be understanding, thinking she might be a feminist. "I don't know," the girl quipped, "will she be wearing a bathing suit?" At this, the deputy boss, an old lady who didn't like the new girl very much, shouted out, "What?! In February?!"

[Nomadicus]

OK, lunch is past so I shall tell what a history teacher from my past told the class right before dismissal for lunch. Back in the thirties, two tramps as they were know, were walking down a railroad track headed to the next town hoping to find work. They come across a dead dog. One says to the other I haven't eaten in weeks and I just got to eat some of this. The other tramp says I'm starving to but not so bad to eat a cold dead dog. The first tramp ate his fill and the two started off to look for work. In the meantime the one who refrained from eating kept nagging the other about what he had just ate. Finally the first tramp got queasy and threw up. The second tramp yelled, "Oh boy, hot lunch."

[RogMar]

Originally Posted by Nomadicus

OK, lunch is past so I shall tell what a history teacher from my past told the class right before dismissal for lunch. Back in the thirties, two tramps as they were know, were walking down a railroad track headed to the next town hoping to find work. They come across a dead dog. One says to the other I haven't eaten in weeks and I just got to eat some of this. The other tramp says I'm starving to but not so bad to eat a cold dead dog. The first tramp ate his fill and the two started off to look for work. In the meantime the one who refrained from eating kept nagging the other about what he had just ate. Finally the first tramp got queasy and threw up. The second tramp yelled, "Oh boy, hot lunch."

Nomadicus...

You old dawg.

Where you been and how's the leg?

[Nomadicus]

OK. If you are still up to it here is the part be for upset stomach. Times were hard and a local bar put up a reward of $100 or anyone who could swallow whole a giant sized raw oyster. Many men tired and many men failed. Finally a really tough brute who thought he was up to the challenge got it down. The the bar keep congrats him on his accomplishment. That over a hundred men had failed along with one dog. Add one more to the men's list.

same history teacher....

[Free'sWarning]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

[Nomadicus]

Only politicians and liars need speech writers ... wait, that's not a joke...

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old
daughter:
Mother: "What does the cow say?"

Child: "Moooo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"

Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

And this wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother
and replied, "Bud."