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And for the last time...the gospels were NOT written by St John, St Paul, St George and St Ringo.
There are a series of books called "Anguished English: An Anthology of Accidental Assaults Upon Our Language" written by Richard Lederer.
In one of them, he has a bunch of Sunday School papers. In one, some kid was asked to name the 4 Apostles. The answer was, "John, Paul, George, & that other guy."
BTW, I HIGHLY recommend ALL those books but the first one is definitely my favorite. I can't tell you how many times I was laughing so hard that I was crying.
Couldn't resist this one:
" The Devil Goes To Church
One fine Sunday morning, Satan appeared in a small town congregation. Everyone in the church started screaming and running for the front door, trampling each other in their frantic effort to escape.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, so Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan then asked, "Aren't you going to run too?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Very perplexed and perturbed by the man's reaction, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
If he isn't terrified of her, he won't be terrified of the apocalyspe.
I posted Bill Burr on the subject of women of being flagellated with felines and some have said that Nia is his Yoki Ono.
She isn't as bad as that as she is capable and entertaining in her own right and brings a lot to his podcasts and keeps him in (necessary check) But already, she has him running skeered...
I was doing a home project a few months ago which led me to go to the hardware store. As I was wandering about looking for my items I noticed a particular router.
"That's the router I bought for uncle Bill for his birthday," I rather idly thought to myself as I passed by. And then it dawned on me; that was last year. It was almost uncle Bill's birthday again. But uncle Bill loves him some tools, so I was in the right place to shop for something for him as well as the items I needed myself.
Unfortunately, later as I headed to the check out with all of the items I needed for my project, I still had not seen anything that I knew uncle Bill did not all ready have. But as I stood in line, I noticed a stack of boxes and a sign.
"TOILET BRUSHES WITH CADDIE IN DESIGNER COLORS," it read.
The perfect thing I thought to myself. My uncle Bill is a life-long bachelor, and I am not certain that uncle Bill had ever even considered the necessity of a toilet brush for his toilet before. It was the perfect gift for MANY reasons. So I bought a toilet brush and caddie in the closest color to dingy that I could find, and took it home.
A few days later I presented the toilet brush and caddie to my uncle Bill for his birthday.
"Happy Birthday uncle Bill. And many happy returns," I told him slyly.
Several weeks later I happened to run into uncle Bill at the local mall. During the course of our chat I happened to remember the toilet brush I had given him for his birthday.
"Say uncle Bill," I asked, "have you been giving that toilet brush I got you for your birthday a good work out?"
Uncle Bill got a terribly pained look on his face.
"Well, I have to be honest with you. I believe I would rather use toilet paper," he replied.
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