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Old 01-14-2010, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA (Dunwoody)
2,047 posts, read 4,050,130 times
Reputation: 970

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I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this because frankly I'm tired of telling people this: Yes, this 14 year old girl is a victim. In fact somebody made her a victim a long time ago. She was groomed by a sexual predator possibly when she was still in diapers. These adult males who have sexual relations with teenage girls are like lions on the Serengeti, they seek out the weak and wounded zebras and that's what this girl is. Young girls are not naturally promiscuous. Sure, they might have sex with a boyfriend, but if you see a girl this young with males jumping in and out of their windows you can guarantee that there's some sexual abuse in her life somewhere. Further, if she doesn't receive help there's an absolute certainty that any children she has will also be abuse victims. I have never met a girl who was sexually abused whose mother was not also a victim of sexually abuse. The human mind works that way, it seeks out what it knows. She will inadvertently choose a pedophile every time. And because she wasn't protected she will lack the ability to protect her own young. We didn't call sexual abuse the gift that keeps on giving for nothing.

Make no mistake about it, this dude knew exactly what he was doing. The victimology of sexual abuse is so stark that it's almost like having GPS. But do carry on with the **** shaming if you must.
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Old 01-14-2010, 08:27 AM
 
1,652 posts, read 2,941,655 times
Reputation: 507
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobKovacs View Post
Exactly! Folks can sit here all day saying "But she wasn't an adult! She didn't know what she was doing! She can't be held responsible for her actions!" I call BS- this little girl knew exactly what she was doing, or a stranger (31 y/o or otherwise) wouldn't be sneaking into her room. She knew it was wrong, she'd done it before, and she's likely to do it again.

While the legal age for consent is 18, today's society has kids learning far more far earlier than we ever did as kids, and even back when I was a kid, at 14 my friends and I were fully aware of sex, how to do it, what the repercussions were, etc. With TV, movies, etc., today, by 10 these poor kids probably know more than we did when we were 18. All of that still doesn't make what this guy did right, and he deserves a penalty far greater than he'll receive, but let's not make it seem like the girl is some poor, defenseless, naive victim here.
Jeez... who has called the girl innocent here? The issue is the proper apportionment of blame. Of course the girl appears to be loose and if the boy was 14, 15 then the blame would be equal. When the guy is 31(!!), then, yes, it's fair to focus on this 31 year old taking advantage of the reckless behavior of a 14 year old girl. How does this excuse the 14 year old? The girl needs help. The man needs punishment.
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Old 01-14-2010, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Murrayville, Georgia
3,464 posts, read 1,691,596 times
Reputation: 5657
I would post on here but what I would be sayin would get the kabosh from any/all mods,
so on that note the m*****f***** would be t******* in a slow and painful way that he would be begging for a bullet to the head......................piece of sh*t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-14-2010, 08:51 AM
 
8,862 posts, read 15,225,694 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb View Post
I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this because frankly I'm tired of telling people this: Yes, this 14 year old girl is a victim. In fact somebody made her a victim a long time ago. She was groomed by a sexual predator possibly when she was still in diapers. These adult males who have sexual relations with teenage girls are like lions on the Serengeti, they seek out the weak and wounded zebras and that's what this girl is. Young girls are not naturally promiscuous. Sure, they might have sex with a boyfriend, but if you see a girl this young with males jumping in and out of their windows you can guarantee that there's some sexual abuse in her life somewhere. Further, if she doesn't receive help there's an absolute certainty that any children she has will also be abuse victims. I have never met a girl who was sexually abused whose mother was not also a victim of sexually abuse. The human mind works that way, it seeks out what it knows. She will inadvertently choose a pedophile every time. And because she wasn't protected she will lack the ability to protect her own young. We didn't call sexual abuse the gift that keeps on giving for nothing.

Make no mistake about it, this dude knew exactly what he was doing. The victimology of sexual abuse is so stark that it's almost like having GPS. But do carry on with the **** shaming if you must.
Of course you are correct. I wish I felt more optimistic about the sort of 'Help' that may be available. It's a societal problem, which which television seems to be obsessed but in reality --'some' can be helped and more frequently it's a sad, sad situation.

Not to stray from the particular incident--but the case in FL---5 yr old girl disappeared from her father's trailer while being watched by the girl friend, then wife, now ex wife, Misty Croslin. Pretty sure that all involved had less than wholesome upbringings---haven't kept up with what may or may not be happening in that case.

And this sort of thing goes on in all levels of society. Pandora's Box has been flung wide open and if somebody can find a hammer and nails it would perhaps be a good idea to nail it shut again.
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Old 01-14-2010, 09:49 AM
 
7,848 posts, read 18,650,357 times
Reputation: 2805
Quote:
Originally Posted by vsmoove View Post
Jeez... who has called the girl innocent here? The issue is the proper apportionment of blame. Of course the girl appears to be loose and if the boy was 14, 15 then the blame would be equal. When the guy is 31(!!), then, yes, it's fair to focus on this 31 year old taking advantage of the reckless behavior of a 14 year old girl. How does this excuse the 14 year old? The girl needs help. The man needs punishment.
I couldn't have said it better.
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:15 AM
 
Location: St Simons Island, GA
23,120 posts, read 36,428,935 times
Reputation: 15470
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb View Post
I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this because frankly I'm tired of telling people this: Yes, this 14 year old girl is a victim. In fact somebody made her a victim a long time ago. She was groomed by a sexual predator possibly when she was still in diapers. These adult males who have sexual relations with teenage girls are like lions on the Serengeti, they seek out the weak and wounded zebras and that's what this girl is. Young girls are not naturally promiscuous. Sure, they might have sex with a boyfriend, but if you see a girl this young with males jumping in and out of their windows you can guarantee that there's some sexual abuse in her life somewhere. Further, if she doesn't receive help there's an absolute certainty that any children she has will also be abuse victims. I have never met a girl who was sexually abused whose mother was not also a victim of sexually abuse. The human mind works that way, it seeks out what it knows. She will inadvertently choose a pedophile every time. And because she wasn't protected she will lack the ability to protect her own young. We didn't call sexual abuse the gift that keeps on giving for nothing.

Make no mistake about it, this dude knew exactly what he was doing. The victimology of sexual abuse is so stark that it's almost like having GPS. But do carry on with the **** shaming if you must.
Roslyn, I'm sure you know by now how respected your POV is by other posters on this forum, and you may well have hit the target in this case. Obviously, something is woefully amiss in this girl's life if an 'alleged wrong number' lead to an assignation (that makes my skin crawl). My own take: there is a complete absence of a moral compass in this girl's life, which under normal circumstances would be provided by a parent. That is why I said earlier that if this was my child I would get down to business. I know what standards I have set for my daughters, and when they did not meet them punishment would be severe (not abusive).
In either case, the girl is indeed a victim, by either my definition or yours...or both.
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:24 AM
 
7,848 posts, read 18,650,357 times
Reputation: 2805
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovinDecatur View Post
Roslyn, I'm sure you know by now how respected your POV is by other posters on this forum, and you may well have hit the target in this case. Obviously, something is woefully amiss in this girl's life if an 'alleged wrong number' lead to an assignation (that makes my skin crawl). My own take: there is a complete absence of a moral compass in this girl's life, which under normal circumstances would be provided by a parent. That is why I said earlier that if this was my child I would get down to business. I know what standards I have set for my daughters, and when they did not meet them punishment would be severe (not abusive).
In either case, the girl is indeed a victim, by either my definition or yours...or both.
Addtionally...this type of thing is not new. I have two of the best parents in the world, but at age 13 my sister ran away with a 21 year old guy. I kind of remember it (i was 7 at the time) because my parents had to drive to Tennessee in the middle of the night to pick her up. I don't think she was allowed to leave the house again until she went to college. This happened in 1971.

Everyone knows that girls tend to mature faster than boys, and because of this, they often end up being interested in boys older than themselves. But a 31 year-old is far from being a boy. The girl needs obviously needs some guidance, and hopefully she's getting as much as she can stand.
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:50 AM
 
8,862 posts, read 15,225,694 times
Reputation: 2280
I think Roslyn called it correctly when she used the term 'pedophile'.

ah--It will be a sordid case. Lots of things that 'went wrong' in this girl's life.

And it happens so much.

I won't even bother to post the AJC link reporting that a 20 yr old is now charged with raping a 13 yr old. Certain they will find many more such stories to post in the near future.

Just a glance at AJC headlines makes me want to 'turn back time' or something.

What is to be done?
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Old 01-14-2010, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Atlanta, GA (Dunwoody)
2,047 posts, read 4,050,130 times
Reputation: 970
Quote:
Just a glance at AJC headlines makes me want to 'turn back time' or something.
Uh no, turning back time is not the answer. Where do you think the behavior comes from. In many cases child rape, incest and sexual abuse are multi-generational. Human behavior has changed very little over the centuries. Even a cursory glance at literature from the Bible to Chaucer will tell you that. The only difference now is that we tend to talk about it more openly, and actually prosecute the offenders. Back in the "good old days" it wasn't talked about and the girl might even have been forced to marry her rapist.

As for help for her, it is available. Every state has a Children's Advocacy Center and it's been a while since I've had my hand in but to my mind they have some of the best therapists available. Let's hope her family heads in that direction.

Quote:
Roslyn, I'm sure you know by now how respected your POV is by other posters on this forum,
Actually, I didn't know that, but thank you.
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Old 01-14-2010, 11:55 AM
 
8,862 posts, read 15,225,694 times
Reputation: 2280
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoslynHolcomb View Post
Uh no, turning back time is not the answer. Where do you think the behavior comes from. In many cases child rape, incest and sexual abuse are multi-generational. Human behavior has changed very little over the centuries. Even a cursory glance at literature from the Bible to Chaucer will tell you that. The only difference now is that we tend to talk about it more openly, and actually prosecute the offenders. Back in the "good old days" it wasn't talked about and the girl might even have been forced to marry her rapist.

As for help for her, it is available. Every state has a Children's Advocacy Center and it's been a while since I've had my hand in but to my mind they have some of the best therapists available. Let's hope her family heads in that direction.



Actually, I didn't know that, but thank you.
I guess, I have nothing further to say. I am aware of the historical precedents to which you refer. I also know that cultural mores, if you will, have shifted rather dramatically since I was thirteen ---that would be the 60's. I don't have the time or the interest for a long debate but in general I think 'sexuality' for 'sexuality's sake' is much more accepted in the present day. So, yes, maybe I do think/feel it was better when sex wasn't viewed as a leisure activity. I've said before that this attitude is apparent in all economic levels. Once had a rather disturbing discussion of the role 'Abercromie and Fitch' may play in promoting sexuality---really pointless--noone changed their mind. In every conceivable way 'Sexuality' is marketed to 'young' people and it seems to me to be having a 'negative' effect.

I have a couple of decades of teaching experience in public schools in GA---certainly sought help for a number of students and maybe there has been a great improvement in the types of services available. I know for a fact the mental health system in the state of GA is deplorable--little assistance for women in abusive relationships and have read many times that social services in the metro area are really struggling---therefore I am not confident that this girl will receive the assistance that might truly make a difference in her life.

Furthermore, therapists can work through some issues and that costs money--at some point the therapy ends and if there isn't a strong support system within the family/community--as heartbreaking as it is---some patterns of behavior are ingrained too deeply to be changed.

It is pretty clear to me that her home situation was not optimum and sadly she doesn't seem to see that her future can be better or have much pride or self-esteem. Hope there is some really good help available but I'm afraid my experiences make me more skeptical.

One example---DFCS/Atlanta/AJC
From Google>>>>
http://www.google.com/search?sourcei...atlanta+ga+ajc

Last edited by TakeAhike; 01-14-2010 at 12:49 PM..
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