Boston vs. Indianapolis (Cambridge, Brookline: transplants, hotel, neighborhoods)

[Dachsund's Friend]

My husband and I are in an interesting position so I’m looking for insight not only about the differences between the cities but also about the pros and cons about the lifestyle we could be choosing.

We both consider Indiana “home” but we haven’t lived there since college, nearly 10 years ago. Instead we’ve been living in a part of the country that we don’t really like (and never have). For several years we felt a bit trapped here due to job prospects and fear of the unknown so we didn’t make any changes even though we really should have. We’re a tiny bit wiser now so we are certain it’s past time to move. We’re just not sure where.

Indianapolis feels like home. It is where we have family and friends and we could easily settle into life there. Being Hoosiers, we know what there is to do in the area and the reputations of the different parts of the city. Though we’ve never lived in Indianapolis, we lived close enough to be familiar with it and the area definitely feels comfortable and homey. Cost of living is moderate. Some of the cons for us are: perhaps too close to family (we are not super close to family but we do value those relationships), lots of chain restaurants & the associated lack of progressive culture, and a feeling that we are “settling” for the easy route. I have a bit of wanderlust and the thought of going “home” (knowing that we will probably stay in the area for a long time) is kind of hard. This is one of the major things holding us back from choosing Indianapolis.

Boston has a lot of interesting things going for it. We think we would like the change is scenery and lifestyle. We like to explore and there are many neat things to see in the northeast. Neither of us has lived on the east coast and we are both up for an adventure. It would be a completely different lifestyle than we’ve ever had and we think that sounds kind of exciting. However, no place is perfect and there are some negatives to that area: we know no one in the area so it would be sort of like starting over (and we’ve heard that it can take a while to make good friends—something that could be difficult considering we haven’t ever felt connected to the place that we currently live), cost of living is high, and we’d be looking for a good church community (which we also know can be hard to find in the northeast). It is a long way from friends & family so every trip to see them would require a 16 hour drive or an expensive flight. But we’d really only do that a maximum of once a year since we aren’t terribly close to them.

Since we don’t have kids right now, it seems like a perfect time to try somewhere new. Financially we could swing the Boston thing & live decently, though Indianapolis would certainly be more affordable. We feel like we could easily fit right into life in Indianapolis but we worry that we’d always regret not trying something different. However, there can always be regrets with moving to Boston depending on what life throws at you. We assume that we’ll end up in Indianapolis eventually but we aren’t certain that we want that time to be now.
Surely someone has some wise words for a 30-ish couple who are torn between two good options! It’s not just about the city and it’s not just about the lifestyle. In some way it boils down to regret…and which choice we might regret more. We’d love some insight from people who have made similar decisions or who have some wisdom to impart!

Posting this in both the Boston & Indianapolis forums to see what the locals have to say!

[Tombstoner]

As a very recent transplant from Atlanta, I certainly know what it's like to want to try something different. I think if you told us where you are now, that might help with advice. For instance, if you were coming from Atlanta/Charlotte/Nashville etc. it would be easy for someone like me to summarize what I see are the main differences as I would have a fairly good idea about what you're currently finding lacking.
That notwithstanding, I think Boston is definitely worth a try if you can swing it financially. Not only is Indianapolis "more affordable" but amazingly so. I always think that people really wanting to "try out" the NE or Boston are probably interested in living in the city and not out in the burbs (50 miles outside of Boston in a new housing development looks a lot like new housing developments 50 miles outside Indianapolis) so living in Boston or a close-in area like Cambridge or Brookline will cost a pretty penny. I don't find Bostonians cold, but they are not as friendly as your average Midwesterner. Also, this is a very "young" city insofar as the student population goes, and a lot of lifestyle stuff here is predicated on very young adults. Of course, there's great cultural amenities here, but they are not cheap. Free concerts, exhibitions, etc. are around, of course, but much less so than in other places I've lived.
I like your reasoning that "we'll always have Indianapolis, so let's try someplace new." In a way, I wonder if you think this will be your big "NE experience" if you might not try New York--not much more expensive and really the ultimate East Coast experience. Boston is great if you have jobs or friends or career goals or education dictating that choice, but if it's just to try out this part of the country it might be worth giving the Big Apple a spin. Dunno.

[ogre]

My initial gut feeling is that if you can handle the housing costs in Boston then this is something you should do. It sounds as if you both really want to see new places before you settle down later on. That is my initial gut feeling, but before I would feel I could answer with confidence I'd want to know more about what you don't like about where you are now, and why you moved away from Indy in the first place.

I want to address two features of Boston that you pointed out as possible negatives. First was your desire for a good church community. I would not necessarily say that this would be difficult to find in Boston. It might be, but this depends on which denomination you are looking for, and what is your idea of a good church community. There is a heavy Catholic presence in Boston, and plenty of options for mainstream Protestant denominations, as well as various Orthodox churches scattered around. Outside of the big denominations--Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Baptist, etc.--you can probably find some other kinds of churches here and there, but if you are, for example, Seventh Day Adventists or members of the Church of the Nazarene, you're not going to find as many local parishes to choose from, so you kind of have to take what you can find, instead of searching through a lot of churches for a really good fit. As far as a general church-oriented way of life, if you're looking for a megachurch, or for a community where social life centers heavily around a church, that will be a problem in Boston. If you are simply looking for an individual parish where you fit well with the membership, there should be plenty of options, especially if you are members of a more widely followed denomination.

The other possible concern you raised was the issue of whether it's hard to get to know people in Boston. This topic has been discussed quite a bit on this forum. I think the best answer to the question of whether Bostonians are as unfriendly, reserved, cold, or whatever term you prefer, as their reputation has them to be depends a lot on where you live. If you live in an area where a bunch of the same families have lived for generations, you're likely to find the local community substantially closed off to new arrivals. Live in an area with more transplants, and it's a lot easier to meet people who will open up to you.

[Saturian117]

Cheers,
I just wanted to chime in on the Boston side (having moved here from VT and being more used to some of the things you mentioned when thinking of home).
The move to Boston was a bit to get used to at first, and if you do choose to move here I would say the following may make or break your experience. Check out the neighborhoods around Boston and see how you like them. This will directly change the age range and activities of where you are (Alston for example is PURELY a college hang out, whereas Jamaica Plain or Cambridge have interesting arts and restaurants).
You mentioned the problem of finding a good church community, but I've never encountered that and was actually surprised to find it. The writing from the reply above is dead on the money as far as that goes.
As for meeting people, I actually moved here and moved in with several room mates who were all from other countries and none of them knew anyone at first. After going to a number of local get to know events and book readings that they were interested in, the people they met are now the group we all spend time with. IE. there are a number of opportunities to meet people, and although the reputation for being cold is there, I find that you can get to talk to people here the same as back home. Read the person and what / where they are and it's easy to find someone to talk with and make a connection. Lots of people here simply seem to "turn themselves off" to making contact with others. Sometimes you just have to initiate it.
When you visit and/or move here I would HIGHLY recommend walking around the city and taking public transportation to get a feel for it. Drive if you must, but there are a LOT of one way streets and the city wasn't a planned city for the streets. It's not hard to get around by car once you know where to go, but it will take a few weeks to figure which turns make you go somewhere else (for example, Beacon Hill has some one ways you might think to take which will force you to exit in only one place).
If you can do the cost of living, I would recommend Boston as a great way to figure out if you like New England and the way of life. It truly is a "big" little city (not so gargantuan like NYC, which makes me feel like my spirit is being crushed at some point every time I go, but also having just about everything that you may be interested in checking out).
Boston is also a great location to go elsewhere in the north east from and there are Amtrak and bus routes from here going everywhere.
If you have the chance, plan a couple day vacation here and give it a feel. Talk to the concierge at the hotel you stay at (the team I work with will give a low down on just about everything) and chat up the barrista at the coffee shop, bartender serving your drink, etc. I've never known any of them to be un-knowledgeable about the area they live in and what's preferable.
Enjoy yourselves whichever you choose, it sounds like you are both ready to have fun with life and that's a good thing! : )

[xS☺B☺s]

I think you should take a gander at the Boston photos thread. A picture is worth a thousand words, and I think I must have put 1000 pictures up there.

[MassTwingles]

Originally Posted by Bostonian08

I think you should take a gander at the Boston photos thread. A picture is worth a thousand words, and I think I must have put 1000 pictures up there.

Bostonian08 is right. I've seen a lot of his pics and they're good. Thanks for sharing them!

[Dachsund's Friend]

Thanks for all of your replies! Seems like Boston is a popular place. No need to check out the photos...I've seen the area in person and loved it (there are some gorgeous photos in that thread, though!!). However, seeing a city as a tourist is different than living there and experiencing it like a local. Therefore, we have a lot of uncertainty!!

We're not the type of people who get offended if strangers don't make eye contact when you're walking down the street or make small talk on the train. But we do desire deep friendships that may take some time to develop... as long as they do develop. Seems like a lot of people that we've met in Austin are happy to have lots of pals to invite over for a BBQ but are not interested in having a good conversation over dinner. It's easy to have a full social calendar but hard to have anyone close enough to call on if you're having a bad day. Maybe that's the experience all over the country? It wouldn't be our experience if we did move to Indianapolis but that's because we have people there that we've known for many years. We know those things take time but if it just isn't likely to happen when you make friendships as an adult, then that's something to consider. It's hard to know what people mean when talking about making friends with people in the northeast if you're not familiar with the culture. Any thoughts?

Ogre, we moved to Austin, TX (from the Indianapolis area) for job opportunities nearly 10 years ago. It looks like a perfect fit for us on paper but something is just "off" about it. We've given it a fighting chance but we don't connect to the city, to the people, to the state. Unfortunately I can't really describe why we don't love it here. It's just not a good fit. Some people love love love Texas and we don't. That's the quickest answer.

[ogre]

I agree that places have certain feels to them, that are very real even though difficult to describe objectively, and that sometimes the feel of a place may just not be right for a given person, as seems to be the case with you and Austin/Texas.

As for making lasting friendships, there does seem to be a general tendency in the Boston area to value lasting friendships, as well as an understanding that these take time to develop. The tricky part is that in some areas you could find that people have formed friendships very early in life, and may not welcome new arrivals into their circles of old friends, even after years of being acquainted with the relative newcomers. That's why it's especially important to really know something neighborhoods or towns you're considering in Boston and vicinity, so you can avoid the areas with lots of families who have lived in the same area and known each other for generations.