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I can not handle the tension & the pressure between my mom & my wife anymore. It's bad enough that my mom is verbally abusive & has been all her life, her dying has nothing to do with her being abusive.
She has always been this way. When my mom goes off on me or my wife my wife goes into our room & stays there unless she has to eat, bathroom, etc. Then my mom wants to work things out.. again. It's a never ending cycle here. It's bad enough that I have to slowly watch my mom wither away in whatever times she's has left. So it seems like that my wife has decided to go stay with her best friend in Nebraska until mom passes. This is going to make things even more rough on the two of us & I don't know if this will be the end of a otherwise great marriage. I now understand what people said when they warned us how just how hard this would be, even more so because of how my mom is & always has been. This is more of a rant & all the advice in the world won't set things right again. My wife doesn't want to work things out with my mom because of a verbally abusive ex-husband. And I messed up by agreeing to move down here. Even more so know this about my wife. Even to make small talk with my mom at this point is impossible for her to do. My mom once told me that if my wife doesn't start coming out of the room & being more sociable that she is going to kick her out. Maybe that's what my wife is hoping for & that way she has a way out. I don't know. I am stressed & maybe this is the only thing to do. I have to stay I am the only child out of eight that is still alive. (very long story) I am sadly used to the way my mom is & she she's nothing wrong with it. Will our marriage survive being so far apart for an unknown time? I am not sure LDR's don't see to last very long. Even though my mom is..well mom I have to stay here I am not sure why. It's like your child robbing a bank it's wrong but you still love them no matter what.. I am totally lost & there is nothing that I can do about it....
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
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I dont know, but I have a feeling that your wife does not feel she is in a situation where your Mom approves of her opinion/style. I could be wrong, of course, but reading between the lines, I suspect your Mom is not very nice to her.
My mom once told me that if my wife doesn't start coming out of the room & being more sociable that she is going to kick her out. Maybe that's what my wife is hoping for & that way she has a way out.
How can your mom kick your wife out? Wouldn't it be the other way around?
I had a mean, nasty mother-in-law. All her siblings gave her a wide berth. It was difficult for me to make small talk with her. You need to be trying to make your wife feel comfortable while she's having to stay there. What would your mother be doing if you weren't there? Maybe you should leave. Your first priority is your wife. Is your mother pleased to be making trouble between you and your wife? I suspect she likes it a lot and you're playing into it. You're being your mother's little boy instead of your wife's husband.
I am going to disagree with some of the previous posters.
While it may have been ill advised to turn your life upside down for you and yourwife to move in with your mother. If my mother was dying, and only had a fewweeks to live, I would choose her over my husband in a heartbeat. After all, in a few weeks she would be gone forever and I would still have decades to spend with my husband.
Frankly, when my mother was dying my husband did all that he could to support me and to support her. That was 23 years ago. My mother is dead but I am still married to my husband (and I expect to be married for many years in the future).
IMHO, the wife is acting like a spoiled child. A dying woman is acting difficult? Perhaps the wife should have more compassion. After all in a few short weeks she won't have to put up with her MIL ever again.
If the wife leaves to stay with friends I do not think that the husband should desert his dying mother to go chasing after his wife. If that is the end of the marriage than it was meant to be.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-09-2015 at 06:22 PM..
How can your mom kick your wife out? Wouldn't it be the other way around?
They're living in the mother's house.
Reed, this is now your third or fourth thread on the same topic.
Do you have any siblings? If you why aren't they involved?
You left NC to go to GA, why doesn't your wife just go back to NC? Why Nebraska?
You said previously you don't think your mother would make to Christmas/New Years. I am sorry for what you're going through, perhaps it's best if your wife heads out for now. And you get a sibling, a cousin, someone to help you out or get a paid helper.
Clearly these two women can't be under the same roof.
Is it possible for you to live NEAR your mother, but NOT IN THE SAME HOUSE? You'd have far fewer problems if you had an apartment with your wife, and your mother lived in her own home with a home attendant (look into Medicare benefits). You could stay with your mother as much as you like, and go to your apartment regularly to have meals/spend time with your wife/sleep/etc. This would give her a break from your mother's abuse. You know your mother is abusive. It's up to you to shield your wife from her.
Don't let your wife go to Nebraska. Keep her near you. Things can unravel very quickly in your marriage when you are so far apart. Save your marriage.
If you don't do anything, you will lose your mother AND your wife.
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I am stressed & maybe this is the only thing to do. I have to stay I am the only child out of eight that is still alive. (very long story) I am sadly used to the way my mom is & she she's nothing wrong with it. Will our marriage survive being so far apart for an unknown time? I am not sure LDR's don't see to last very long. Even though my mom is..well mom I have to stay here I am not sure why. It's like your child robbing a bank it's wrong but you still love them no matter what.. I am totally lost & there is nothing that I can do about it....
Wouldn't it be the other way around?
