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Whoa. Try to stay in your day. You had a decent Sunday with your Mom. Good deal. That is a nice improvement.
Sorry about your back. Pain is no fun.
You could pretzel your schedule in order to take her on Wednesday & then she could flake. She flakes. Unless this is some special Mother daughter pre-Easter luncheon, where is no reason to guilt yourself. Can't you have her facility make arrangements for a cab or their transportation, etc.? & I suppose make sure that she has funds to cover her outing...then step way back. This is part of her new chapter. It will work out.
Whoa. Try to stay in your day. You had a decent Sunday with your Mom. Good deal. That is a nice improvement.
Sorry about your back. Pain is no fun.
You could pretzel your schedule in order to take her on Wednesday & then she could flake. She flakes. Unless this is some special Mother daughter pre-Easter luncheon, where is no reason to guilt yourself. Can't you have her facility make arrangements for a cab or their transportation, etc.? & I suppose make sure that she has funds to cover her outing...then step way back. This is part of her new chapter. It will work out.
Well amen to all of this and no, it's not some sort of special Easter anything. Actually her SS teacher has my number and I'm pretty sure he and his wife would call or text me if it was something special.
Well amen to all of this and no, it's not some sort of special Easter anything. Actually her SS teacher has my number and I'm pretty sure he and his wife would call or text me if it was something special.
But she has the use of the facility bus at her disposal, right? So she has transportation if she wants?
But she has the use of the facility bus at her disposal, right? So she has transportation if she wants?
Yes, absolutely. I was just saying that no, I'm not going to take her - UNLESS it's something special for Easter or whatever. Which it's not. And even if it was, I'd be disinclined to take her BECAUSE:
I spent five hours with her Sunday (she was in a great mood), then three hours yesterday (bank and other probate/estate stuff), and then Thursday she has a dental appointment.
Her feet are a little swollen. This is mainly because she refuses to sleep in her bed and instead sits around dozing on her sofa day and night. She also doesn't drink enough water because it makes her have to pee and she doesn't like to run to the toilet. We discussed this at her recent doctor's appointment and he ran blood tests, urine tests, etc and said that really all she needs to do is sleep in the bed, drink more water, and elevate her feet occasionally.
Anyway, one thing my mom really misses is DOCTOR DRAMA. See, she is not a hypochondriac - she seriously has struggled with Munchausen Syndrome in the past, and she would drag my dad along, make a big stink about the slightest symptom of anything, etc etc etc. Mental Health: Munchausen Syndrome
This was a way of getting attention, which she craves.
Anyway, so yesterday she was NOT in the chipper mood she was in the day before. Her feet were slightly swollen. You would have thought they had been doused with gasoline and set afire to hear her groan and carry on about "You don't know what misery is until you have foot pain."
I said, "Mom. I know all about foot pain. I had both my Achilles tendons rebuilt. My feet have never been the same. They swell every evening and I have to elevate them. I have plantar fasciitis that is chronic in one foot due to the Achilles issues. I agree - foot pain can be really disheartening."
See, the suffering of others has no impact with my mom. She is, well, not empathetic. When I had the debilitating surgeries on my Achilles tendons and was clomping around in a cast and crutches, or a big robocop boot, or scooting around on a knee scooter, or going to physical therapy - for MONTHS - it didn't even register with my mother. Do you think she came to see me or offered to help in any way or even called me once to check on me? No, of course not. All she was interested in was how quickly I could recover so I could help them move again (they moved four times in five years).
Get this - this is what she actually said to my brother, who was involuntarily committed and who spent six months in the state mental hospital in Arkansas - this was after my mother spent two weeks being psychologically evaluated in a behavioral health center:
"You just have no idea what it's like to go to a place like that." My brother's jaw nearly hit the floor. He said, "Mom, do you remember that I spent six months at the state mental hospital?" She said, "Well, of course, but it's not the same thing."
So anyway, she's hinting around that she wants to go to the doctor about her swollen feet - and her sore knee (she has some arthritis - not bad but a touch). I said, "Mom, we already went to the doctor about that - he ran tests and told you to elevate your feet, sleep in your bed, and drink more water. How 'bout you do all that before we run back to the doctor again?" She said nothing, just sat there and pouted.
She's so excited about going to the dentist to get her teeth cleaned that she can hardly stand it - it's all she talks about now.
Well, that's awesome that she can take the bus to her luncheon if she wants. That completely takes you out of "bad guy" mode.
See, I was the bad guy yesterday, because for a week MIL said she did not want to continue with the weekly exercise class she had been taking. So I didn't set up her ride/escort for today since there was no need. Except last night she mentioned she was going to class this morning. I said, "You said several times you had no intention of returning to class so I cancelled the ride." Which lead to her stomping and muttering that I don't listen, etc etc. (Fortunately my husband heard her say over and over that she wasn't going to class anymore -- and when he reminded her of this, she stopped. Because he is Good Guy.)
So just be glad she has options that don't involve you.
Kathryn, if she doesn't have one, do you think Mom would benefit from a recliner/lift chair? They can be expensive (think $800.00 give or take) Medicare will only pay if prescribed by a doctor and only for specific conditions - knee or hip arthritis or neuromuscular disease. Even then, Medicare will only pay for the part that is LIFT. Varies with what part of the country you're in but in my neck of the woods it's around $250.00 and making the buyer responsible for the balance.
I just managed to purchase one second-hand, very gently used, for $75. (The seller didn't need the money, I think they just wanted to get rid of the chair). I don't currently need the "lift" feature but the "recliner" part is wonderful because it enables me to sit or doze with feet elevated. And if I live much longer I'm sure the lift part will be welcome!
Well, that's awesome that she can take the bus to her luncheon if she wants. That completely takes you out of "bad guy" mode.
See, I was the bad guy yesterday, because for a week MIL said she did not want to continue with the weekly exercise class she had been taking. So I didn't set up her ride/escort for today since there was no need. Except last night she mentioned she was going to class this morning. I said, "You said several times you had no intention of returning to class so I cancelled the ride." Which lead to her stomping and muttering that I don't listen, etc etc. (Fortunately my husband heard her say over and over that she wasn't going to class anymore -- and when he reminded her of this, she stopped. Because he is Good Guy.)
So just be glad she has options that don't involve you.
Oh lordy, you had me chuckling about the whole husband being The Good Guy thing. My brother (the normal one, not the mentally ill one) who moved out and joined the Marines when he was 17 just to get away from my parents, and who moved WAY away after getting out, and who has averaged one trip to see my parents PER TEN YEAR PERIOD and who insisted on being paid very handsomely from my mother to come help me with selling her house and moving her (no, I didn't get paid) - he's The Good Guy.
I mean, he and I don't have a problem, and we've actually sat around laughing at this whole ridiculous scenario together, and he doesn't ever try to undermine me to my mother, but we both know how weird it is for her to think suddenly, after 50 years, that he's Absolutely Fabulous and she adores him. In fact, the night before he left a few days ago, he wandered out onto my patio, sat down with me, and said, "Who is this woman who calls herself our mother? Where has she been all these years?"
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