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I've been trying to encourage my mom to have guests come see her at her apartment. She is incredibly insecure and unsure about that though, and always wants me to make the call, to be there, etc. I've done some of that but I'm really, really trying to step back and encourage her to do more on her own.
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Originally Posted by jencam
How does that help at Christmas?
I assume that you are referring to Kathryn's daughter, SonIL and their four children and what they will do at Christmas.
Well, Grandma could invite them over on Christmas Eve, instead of Christmas Day or invite them over a completely different day.
OR the six member family could celebrate Christmas at their house and maybe invite others to their house. I know many families with children who make a very special point of staying in their own home and celebrating in their own home at Christmas time. They can always invite other people to join them.
OR the family could visit her husband's parents, or her husband's Grandparents, or her husband's aunts/uncles/cousins.
OR the family could get together with co-workers or friends of the husband.
OR the family could celebrate with other parents who homeschool, or with fellow church members, or with neighbors, or with neighborhood friends, or friends from the military.
OR the family could go on a trip.
Just because the daughter & her family are not invited to her mother's house on Christmas Day it does not mean that their only alternative to sit in their dark, empty, undecorated house crying in hunger and despair. Sheesh! She is grown woman with a husband and four children. Surely they can make alternative plans?
Last edited by germaine2626; 09-19-2017 at 11:22 AM..
Thank you, Jrz - when I read your posts about your dad, I often feel like I know how you feel. The hope, the disappointment, the frustration, the fear, the love, the concern, the burning question of "Am I failing this person I love so much?"
I think so many of us grapple with these emotions every day. It's nice to "go someplace" where so many people really do understand what we're going through. Because out in the real world, we can feel very isolated sometimes as we struggle with these responsibilities and difficult decisions.
Self doubt is very eroding. That's why it's not helpful to criticize others who are struggling, in my opinion. In fact, it adds to their distress, and I personally think that's cruel. People who are posting their situations and struggles here are usually looking for solutions and camaraderie and there's a lot of that here.
I'm sure that like me, you get a lot of private messages and comments that are helpful. Some of the kindest people here are behind the scenes.
This is a good forum overall.
Oh my God, the freaking dramatics.
Everyone has a cross to bear of some kind or another.
Speaking of different sections of the forum which are more appropriate for this or that - most of what you post here is more suitable for one of the relationships forums, no matter how you try and justify this blog of a thread.
And yes, people are often here looking for solutions. Yet what they get is the same story, over and over, posted in any thread that will listen. Some of us that are looking for solutions to our own predicament (even if we choose to just read and not share) are hopeful some of the other knowledgeable posters who have given up posting come back so there's more than one opinion around here.
There's nothing wrong with support and having a forum that feels helpful and offers some strength in times of need. However, this is not a support group and surely there are more appropriate avenues for airing the day to day minutiae of your relationships and their attendant woes and tribulations.
I don't understand why people who don't like this thread continue to read it, and to say mean-spirited things to Kathryn. Some of us do see these threads as supportive groups. If you don't want that kind of thing, then why read Kathryn's posts at all? Create your own threads and tell us what caregiving issues you are dealing with. We are here for you too, but you need to share your problems with us for us to be able to help. If you don't want to share your problems, or hear about others' problems, then tell us why you are participating in the Caregiving forum anyway.
The answer to your question lies in another question: Why are there "stickies". They stay at the top and are impossible to miss. They are there to be seen before anything else is read. The same is true of a thread that is constantly bumped by the OP. It's impossible to "read around" it. It's in your face.
Most of us are tired to death of reading the same stuff over and over and over and over and over. How is that helpful? How is anything she says helpful? To make matters worse, she pops in on other threads, even on other forums, and yelps out the same stuff again, over and over. I agree with Finister...this thread should be a blog. There is a very small handful of people who pop in and stroke each other, but for the most part, is just one person stroking her own ego.
I was once told that this thread is allowed to go on because it generates traffic. Unfortunately, it doesn't. It's just the same small group, sticking together and petting each other. On the rare occasions the OP stops bumping it, it drifts to the bottom of the page, hopefully never to be seen again. Then BAM, there it is, the same talking points, in your face, impossible to ignore. It's the quintessential train wreck. Impossible to look away from.
The Caregiving Forum would be much more helpful without this thread.
Everyone has a cross to bear of some kind or another.
Speaking of different sections of the forum which are more appropriate for this or that - most of what you post here is more suitable for one of the relationships forums, no matter how you try and justify this blog of a thread.
And yes, people are often here looking for solutions. Yet what they get is the same story, over and over, posted in any thread that will listen. Some of us that are looking for solutions to our own predicament (even if we choose to just read and not share) are hopeful some of the other knowledgeable posters who have given up posting come back so there's more than one opinion around here.
There's nothing wrong with support and having a forum that feels helpful and offers some strength in times of need. However, this is not a support group and surely there are more appropriate avenues for airing the day to day minutiae of your relationships and their attendant woes and tribulations.
Sheesh, last I checked clicking on a link to specific threads on the forum was optional. You don't like it, you don't have to read it.
The answer to your question lies in another question: Why are there "stickies". They stay at the top and are impossible to miss. They are there to be seen before anything else is read. The same is true of a thread that is constantly bumped by the OP. It's impossible to "read around" it. It's in your face.
Most of us are tired to death of reading the same stuff over and over and over and over and over. How is that helpful? How is anything she says helpful? To make matters worse, she pops in on other threads, even on other forums, and yelps out the same stuff again, over and over. I agree with Finister...this thread should be a blog. There is a very small handful of people who pop in and stroke each other, but for the most part, is just one person stroking her own ego.
I was once told that this thread is allowed to go on because it generates traffic. Unfortunately, it doesn't. It's just the same small group, sticking together and petting each other. On the rare occasions the OP stops bumping it, it drifts to the bottom of the page, hopefully never to be seen again. Then BAM, there it is, the same talking points, in your face, impossible to ignore. It's the quintessential train wreck. Impossible to look away from.
The Caregiving Forum would be much more helpful without this thread.
So if the thread is such a burr on your saddle, why don't you ignore it and go elsewhere?
I was once told that this thread is allowed to go on because it generates traffic. Unfortunately, it doesn't. It's just the same small group, sticking together and petting each other. On the rare occasions the OP stops bumping it, it drifts to the bottom of the page, hopefully never to be seen again. Then BAM, there it is, the same talking points, in your face, impossible to ignore. It's the quintessential train wreck. Impossible to look away from.
The Caregiving Forum would be much more helpful without this thread.
I've read this thread from the beginning but don't post here. I'm betting there are a lot of other people who read but don't post. What I don't understand is why you (or anyone else who feels the same way) are reading the thread it bothers you.
I lost my mother in 2011 to complications from Alzheimer's after she had suffered with it for 10 years. My Dad passed in 2009 from a stroke. He too needed care in the last months of his life. Having experienced similar things to what's in this thread, I think the thread is helpful for those who might be in a similar situation. If it's not, then no one is forced to read it. You don't have to open it, you can scroll right by it to a thread you do want to read.
I read this thread often and seldom post. I have no problem with the way it reads and the way it flows. I've learned alot, a whole lot.
I'm not understanding why there is a need to criticize. Just don't read it, if it's a repeat. Sure as shooting there are enough frustrations being in the position of caring for elderly without adding more. And if folks post long and thoroughly so some of the frustration comes out as they type, I see that as part of the job of the thread.
To me, there is most always something to learn. And sometimes, for me, repetition is good. I'm such a creature of habit that new ideas take a while to stick.
Last edited by LilyMae521; 09-19-2017 at 01:14 PM..
Reason: punctuation
I also read this thread often and never post. My DH and I took care of my MIL who died 2 years ago and reading KA's posts make me wistful and make me laugh: Yep, been there, done that. Kinda like war veterans. We understand and we "get" the stories and sometimes we can help. Like I say, I don't often post on C-D, but this is probably my favorite thread to follow.
I don't understand why people who don't like this thread continue to read it, and to say mean-spirited things to Kathryn. Some of us do see these threads as supportive groups. If you don't want that kind of thing, then why read Kathryn's posts at all? Create your own threads and tell us what caregiving issues you are dealing with. We are here for you too, but you need to share your problems with us for us to be able to help. If you don't want to share your problems, or hear about others' problems, then tell us why you are participating in the Caregiving forum anyway.
People who don't agree with KA can have opinions as well, and are free to post them. That's it.
This is not a closed forum. It's not necessary for anyone to have to justify why they're here. Including KA, as it happens.
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