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Update: Mom talked for 25 minutes with my oldest daughter this evening and my daughter said she sounded fairly clear headed and upbeat. Very conversational, which is an improvement because she has been very difficult to talk with recently on the phone.
I agree, but I also think that once she adjusts, she will appreciate not having all the choices and "freedom" she has now. I mean, for instance, her clothes. Right now she has a large closet - and it is complete and total chaos. It is full of clothes she doesn't even know she has. She has shoes she's literally never worn because she can't find them in that chaos. She needs fewer choices but of course when all those clothes are pared down, she is going to initially have a wall eyed conniption fit.
But the reality is that she wears the same few clothes over and over again and has tons of clothes she never even touches.
I guess it wouldn't be possible for you to reduce the amount of stuff she has, even in her current apartment. Would she throw a fit claiming you, or someone, had stolen all her clothes, etc.?
I guess it wouldn't be possible for you to reduce the amount of stuff she has, even in her current apartment. Would she throw a fit claiming you, or someone, had stolen all her clothes, etc.?
Probably.
Here's another thing - she doesn't have too much junk out in the open - it's mainly in the closets, drawers, ENTIRE BATHROOM (which is amazingly cluttered with stuff I don't even know how she gets) - anyplace where she would put things to get them out of the way. Oh, and her table top, the top of her buffet, the counter tops in the kitchen, but this is all mainly with stuff she just manages to collect like paper towels, plastic cups, not really personal items if that makes sense. When I'm over there it takes me about a minute, while she's in the bathroom, to clear off the flat surfaces in her kitchen and dining room.
The main living area she keeps very neat. She also keeps her bedroom neat most of the time (easy because she just closes the closet door and doesn't sleep in the bed - that's a whole other story).
She is fixated with pieces of paper. She finds pieces of paper in the facility and brings them to her apartment. She scratches notes all over them to help her remember things but then she can't find the notes because there are so many pieces of paper piled up on the dining room table and stuck under the place mats.
Like I said, the other day I found her missing keyboard (which I replaced long ago, to no avail because she never gets on the computer but doggone it she wanted that keyboard!) in her buffet drawer. And get this - I'd actually already looked in there and it wasn't there. So she had recently found it and stuck it in that drawer.
It frustrates me because I can clean up something - the bathroom for instance or the table top - and then the next time I'm over there, it's just as cluttered as ever. And I have to do it when she's not around, which is hardly ever.
She has been getting worse and worse in this manner for a good ten years, but for many decades she was a very good house keeper. In fact, almost too much the other way - every thing had to look perfect, like a magazine spread. I remember not even being able to leave a book out that I was reading. But her drawers and closets have always been very disorganized and shambled.
So when she started this cluttering thing in her kitchen and dining room and bathroom (probably ten years ago), my dad really didn't like it - he was also always a very tidy, but ORGANIZED person (my mom was tidy but disorganized). It drove him crazy. He would actually take pictures of stuff all jumbled up in the fridge and send them to me! He'd say "Look. Short stuff on tall shelves. Tall stuff laid sideways on short shelves. A tablespoon of scrambled eggs in a bowl with a paper towel over it. Peanut butter in the fridge."
When I visited her sister recently, I realized she does the EXACT SAME sort of cluttering - and their mom did too, so I think it's just coming back out in my mom. I think when she was younger she made a very conscious effort NOT to be like her mother. In fact one of the few criticisms she ever told me about her mother (who was a terrible mother and grandmother) was that when she was growing up, it embarrassed her that their house was so messy.
So I think whenever I move her I will just get rid of a lot of clothes then.
Just a thought, Miss Bossy Pants (lol) why do you even bother to clean up her stuff? I know it probably makes you feel better on some level, but on another level, it has to be super frustrating to you - cleaning up that mess and knowing that your efforts are futile.
Your mom probably doesn't even care.
Have you ever considered just "shrugging" on this issue, too?
If I were you, I'd just totally ignore it. You have much better ways to spend your energy.
Just a thought, Miss Bossy Pants (lol) why do you even bother to clean up her stuff? I know it probably makes you feel better on some level, but on another level, it has to be super frustrating to you - cleaning up that mess and knowing that your efforts are futile.
Your mom probably doesn't even care.
Have you ever considered just "shrugging" on this issue, too?
If I were you, I'd just totally ignore it. You have much better ways to spend your energy.
Oh I didn't mean to imply that I clean up for the sake of the place looking good. I don't do that, because like you said, she doesn't seem to care and it will just get messed up again anyway.
What I generally do is just gather up all the stuff that is obviously junk (and there's a lot of it) and put it in a bag and then take it home and go through it, and throw away stuff that's clearly just junk. Actually I don't recall ever bringing anything back to her apartment. But I think it must cut down somewhat on the chaos and confusion of all that paper if I just clear out some of it.
Like I said, it takes me about 1 minute - I always just do it when she's using the bathroom. And she literally has never noticed. But I hate to think how much paper (and empty containers, and dirty paper plates, and napkins, etc etc etc) would be in there if I didn't clear it out once a week.
It's not a big deal one way or the other but it makes me feel a little better. She collects stuff and then drowns in it.
Oh I didn't mean to imply that I clean up for the sake of the place looking good. I don't do that, because like you said, she doesn't seem to care and it will just get messed up again anyway.
What I generally do is just gather up all the stuff that is obviously junk (and there's a lot of it) and put it in a bag and then take it home and go through it, and throw away stuff that's clearly just junk. Actually I don't recall ever bringing anything back to her apartment. But I think it must cut down somewhat on the chaos and confusion of all that paper if I just clear out some of it.
Like I said, it takes me about 1 minute - I always just do it when she's using the bathroom. And she literally has never noticed. But I hate to think how much paper (and empty containers, and dirty paper plates, and napkins, etc etc etc) would be in there if I didn't clear it out once a week.
It's not a big deal one way or the other but it makes me feel a little better. She collects stuff and then drowns in it.
Oh! Thanks for clarifying. What you said makes perfect sense! (Can you come over and do that for me? LOL - only half kidding!)
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