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I know it's not the end of the world for me. I am depressed because my situation is getting worse and worse. I wonder if I will ever be financially stable and can get past this financial crisis.....
I found this forum and just decided I need to vent. I do vent very well through writing. It helps me get everything out of my head and down on the paper or the screen.
I have a full time stable job. I have been working for the past year to support myself and my husband until he gets on his feet with a job. I am striving every week to pay bills, rent, food, and recently I was involved in an auto accident that has caused me so much time and money. I have a $500 deductible that I have to pay in order to get my car back and no money to pay it. I have a bank account overdrawn to pay bills, and I recently dished out most of my money just to be able to pay necessary bills and pay for a rental car. Living on very little food. My fridge is pretty much empty my pantry has a few cans of peas and ramen noodles. I am to the point where I don't know what to do, how to be able to afford to live and work and how to be able to support me and my husband on one income.
My husband has no job and no car and always finds execuses for not being able to walk to a store and apply just to make a few extra dollars to be able to make ends meet. I have never thought that it would be this hard to just get on my feet and make it and now I am worried more than ever that I am going to keep getting set back until I have to move in with family and friends.
I am more along the lines of venting when I write this but any helpful advice would be appreciated too. You never truly know dissappointment, shame, and helplesness until you have been literally slapped in the face with it. I try and I try to get my husband to take on the load and I don't believe in divorce he is a great man aside from the fact he wont find work. I just don't know what else to do...
Am I reaching the end of the rope?
I am worried about the future. I am worried how much longer am I going to be able to survive where I am and not have to move in with my parents and move backwards and I don't know what else to do.
Do you handle the monthly bills or does he? If you are the one, gently but firmly tell him you aren't able to handle it anymore and hand the responsibility over to him. That would be the first step so he can see firsthand what shape the finances are in. Hopefully this will motivate him to find something to do for work for the time being. Has he applied to any of the job placement agencies in the area? That would also be a great thing to do. Are you involved in a church? If so, let them know of your need, get some pastoral counseling with your husband and hopefully they can help you out with your needs on a temporary basis. Those would be my first recommendations. Keep us posted on your progress.
Sounds like your the one trying to get a stable life, not your husband. Maybe he's depressed and needs to find some help.
I do know a few things about life.......one is, anything that is worth something is going to take a lot of work. Very, very seldom do you get anything worth something, without working for it or at it.
I recall as a child telling my mother I wish for this and wish for that etc.......she said to me, hold out your hands........which I did.......she said she wanted me to wish for something in one hand and poop in the other, and see which one feels up the fastest! I'll never forget that. By the way, she raised 5 boys by herself.
Also....it's great you don't believe in divorce.......not many left like you!
Now, go tell hubby to get off his lazy bum and get to work.......he owes it to his family.
Last edited by justcollectingdust; 07-22-2010 at 04:58 PM..
Reason: misspelled
It sounds like your husband may be facing some depression since he's out of work with no prospects. He may need medical assistance to alleviate that. In the meantime, can YOU take a second job to make ends meet? Seeing you work so hard may just motivate him to look for something. Plus, he needs to understand that there is no shame in taking a retail or fastfood job -- nothing is beneath you when you're trying to eat.
I'm sorry you are going through this and hope that you see the light at the end of the tunnel!
Can you apply to a food bank? (I don't know how that works, it's just a thought). Spaghetti and rice and peanut butter and eggs will get you by and are cheap and are more nutritionally sound than ramen noodles.
If you have a church, definitely get counseling. I don't know what to tell you about your husband, but you need to get to the bottom of this before you ever have kids. And, sorry, but "he is a great man aside from the fact that he won't find work" does not cut it. That alone prevents him from being a great man. I don't know a single "great man" that would allow his wife to get into this kind of situation without doing everything in his power to prevent it or fix it.
I am genuinely sorry you're going through this. I think most people have either been through something like this in their pasts, or more and more now, are going through it right now.
I know it's not the end of the world for me. I am depressed because my situation is getting worse and worse. I wonder if I will ever be financially stable and can get past this financial crisis.....
I found this forum and just decided I need to vent. I do vent very well through writing. It helps me get everything out of my head and down on the paper or the screen.
I have a full time stable job. I have been working for the past year to support myself and my husband until he gets on his feet with a job. I am striving every week to pay bills, rent, food, and recently I was involved in an auto accident that has caused me so much time and money. I have a $500 deductible that I have to pay in order to get my car back and no money to pay it. I have a bank account overdrawn to pay bills, and I recently dished out most of my money just to be able to pay necessary bills and pay for a rental car. Living on very little food. My fridge is pretty much empty my pantry has a few cans of peas and ramen noodles. I am to the point where I don't know what to do, how to be able to afford to live and work and how to be able to support me and my husband on one income.
My husband has no job and no car and always finds execuses for not being able to walk to a store and apply just to make a few extra dollars to be able to make ends meet. I have never thought that it would be this hard to just get on my feet and make it and now I am worried more than ever that I am going to keep getting set back until I have to move in with family and friends.
I am more along the lines of venting when I write this but any helpful advice would be appreciated too. You never truly know dissappointment, shame, and helplesness until you have been literally slapped in the face with it. I try and I try to get my husband to take on the load and I don't believe in divorce he is a great man aside from the fact he wont find work. I just don't know what else to do...
Am I reaching the end of the rope?
I am worried about the future. I am worried how much longer am I going to be able to survive where I am and not have to move in with my parents and move backwards and I don't know what else to do.
I know this won't be much consolation, but you are far from alone:
Regardless what the corporate media tries to feed you, understand that we are in a true economic depression, with a 16-18% unemployment rate for the country as a whole. To find out what the true rate is for your area, just double the reported one. There are 6 job seekers for every job- even the lousy ones.
And unlike the 1930's, there is no CCC, no WPA to offer jobs. Why this situation exists is more appropriate subject matter for the Politics Section of this site. Suffice to say nobody living today remembers a time like this in America. We have sailed into uncharted waters.
So what can be done?
Well, I believe you said you're young- mid-20's. If you can find a jobs program in your state that would be an excellent resource for training, etc.
Moving in with relatives is no shame in these times either; when my wife and I moved to Wisconsin during the Reagan Recession (which was bad, but still a recession-not a depression) we lived with her parents for the better part of a year. Here I was with a college degree going out every morning to milk cows. Looking back now, those were fun times. However that's because they're seen through the prism of memory. They were scary as hell at the time.
At any rate don't give up, and don't blame yourself. This is a society-wide snafu caused by greed and a failure to control same. If you need advice, find someone- community resource member, friend, relative, or religious leader- you trust and use them as a sounding board for ideas.
At any rate, we're all in this together, so good luck to you and us all.
You only have one problem. Your husband is lazy and does not love his family.
Depression has nothing to do with it.
Tell him to get off his rear, get out there, and help YOU with this situation.
You will never get to the place you want to be alone...at least not with that extra mouth to feed.
Sorry for the very blunt post, but there are jobs for your husband to have. Do not be fooled into thinking there is not. Craigslist is loaded with them.
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